What Happens Tomorrow
by birdee18
Summary: Bella and Edward are happily engaged with their whole lives ahead of them. What happens when a tragedy strikes that will change them forever? AU, all human.
1. Chapter 1Do You Realize

**Hello, my dear readers! This is my first attempt at a serious story, so I hope you'll like it as much as SCP. The title coms from one of my favorite Duran Duran songs, and each chapter title will be a song title. I'll begin posting a playlist on my profile.**

**I have to thank a couple of people who helped make this a reality. My dear Ereeen--I love you so hard! Thanks for being a great beta and having confidence in this when I didn't. Thanks also to GuineaPigBarbie for convincing me that I could write something serious. Oh, and thanks as well to Bittenev for letting me borrow her name! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I actually own very little.**

**Chapter 1—Do You Realize**

BPOV

The sun streamed through the bedroom window, waking me from a restful night's sleep. I tried to stretch, but my fiancé Edward had his arms around me tightly. I didn't mind, though. I loved nothing more than waking up every morning in Edward's strong arms. It made me feel so loved and protected. It also made me want to stay in bed on a cold January day like today.

Edward Cullen and I had known each other most of our lives. We grew up in the same neighborhood and had the same friends. Our parents were also best friends. We started dating during our freshman year of high school and had been together ever since. He was my personal Greek god. I often wondered how someone as beautiful as Edward could want someone plain like me, but I knew he loved me with all his heart. After achieving his lifelong goal of graduating from medical school, Edward proposed to me during the Christmas holidays. Our wedding was set for July, and we were thrilled about finally becoming husband and wife.

Edward looked beautiful even as he slept. I pushed a lock of his messy auburn hair out of his face, and he began to stir. His eyelids fluttered open, allowing me to see his gorgeous emerald green eyes.

"Good morning, love," he said, dazzling me with his crooked smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"I always sleep well when I'm with you," I replied.

"Why don't we just stay here all day?" he asked. "Do we really have to get up?"

"I'm afraid so. You have sick people to take care of, and I have students to teach," I told him. "Besides, it's Friday. You have a whole weekend off finally, and we get to spend it together."

"Yeah, but we have the engagement party tomorrow night," he reminded me.

Our friends Alice and Jasper Whitlock and Edward's brother and sister-in-law Emmett and Rosalie were throwing us an engagement party. Edward and I were the last of our group to get married, and Alice and Rosalie insisted on a party to celebrate. I really didn't like being the center of attention, but I decided to let Alice and Rose have their fun.

If we hadn't grown up together, I don't know if Alice and Rosalie and I would have wound up as friends. Alice was tiny and pixie-like with short black hair. Rose was statuesque with long blonde waves and blue eyes. They were both gorgeous, while I was the plain Jane of the group. They had subjected me to numerous makeovers throughout the years because they thought of me as their human Barbie doll.

I looked over at the clock and knew that we had to get moving if we were going to make it to work on time. "Come on, Edward, we've got to get up."

"Bella, you're killing me," Edward complained as I pulled away from his embrace and got out of bed.

"Sorry, love, but we have to work for a living," I called out from the bathroom. "We can't live on love alone." I waited for Edward to join me as I brushed my hair and put on the little makeup I wore on a daily basis, but he never came in. I stuck my head in the bedroom and found Edward still lying in bed. I became concerned. "Edward, are you OK?"

Edward slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I think I might be coming down with something. I'm feeling a bit off today."

"Maybe you should stay home," I told him.

"No, it'll be OK," he said. "I do work in a hospital, after all. I think I can get medical attention if I need it." He smiled his dazzling smile, almost as if he were reassuring me.

I laughed at him. "All right, but if you'd like Nurse Bella to examine you tonight, I'm sure it could be arranged."

Edward finally got out of bed, walked over to me, and kissed me passionately. I knotted my fingers in his messy, sexy hair as I kissed him back. Damn, I loved that man's bedhead!

"I love you, Dr. Cullen," I said as we broke our kiss and I rested my head on his magnificent chest.

"I love you too, Miss Swan. I can't wait until you're finally Mrs. Cullen." He gently kissed me on the forehead.

Edward and I finally got ourselves together and headed out the door. Before I could get in my car, though, Edward spun me around for another kiss.

"I love you more than anything, Bella," he said breathlessly. "Always."

"I love you, too," I replied, "always and forever."

After Edward's little parting gift, I got in my car and drove to the high school. I had graduated from the same school, and it still felt weird sometimes to be teaching at my alma mater. We even had the same principal. Mr. Warner had been the principal at CHS for over 30 years, and he was happy to hire me to teach freshman English. My friend Angela Weber had graduated with me from CHS, and she taught sophomore English in the classroom next door to me. We often joked that we loved the school so much that we couldn't stay away. The truth was that I loved my job and couldn't imagine teaching anywhere else.

Alice called me on the way to school. "Happy Friday, Bella!" she chirped. Alice was way too perky. She put all of her energy to good use, though. Alice and Rose owned an upscale boutique called Twilight. Alice and her chipper self handled the customer service end, while the more serious Rose took care of the books.

"Hi, Alice. What's up?" It was impossible to be grouchy when you talked to Alice.

"I just wanted to remind you to come by the store this afternoon to pick up your dress for the party," she said.

"I thought you were bringing it by tomorrow," I replied. "Aren't you coming over to assault me with another one of your makeovers?"

Alice laughed. "Bella, you are so absurd! Of course I'm coming to make you over. I just want to make sure the alterations on the dress are OK."

I sighed. "All right, Alice, whatever."

I finished my call just as I arrived at school. Angela was pulling into the parking spot next to mine, so I waited for her and we walked into the school together.

"I am so glad it's Friday," Angela said. "This has been one crazy week. The beginning of a new semester is too hectic."

I laughed and nodded. "I've had so many kids with schedule changes that I feel like installing a revolving door in my classroom. Hopefully we'll be back to normal by next week."

Angela and I made our way to the front office to sign in. We were greeted by our secretary Robin.

"Bella, I saw your parents last night. Renee sure is excited about the wedding," Robin said.

"Oh yeah," I replied. "You'd think she was the one getting married."

My mom Renee was great, but she could get a little overexcited sometimes. Her energy served her well, though. She had been teaching kindergarten for nearly 30 years, and I had no idea how she still kept up with those little ones. My dad Charlie was the total opposite. He was quiet and serious, which was appropriate for his job as deputy police chief. My parents were still madly in love after all these years, and I hoped Edward and I would end up the same way.

Angela and I parted ways when we reached our classrooms, and I attempted to get some grading done before classes began for the day. It wasn't long, though, before I was interrupted.

"Hey, Bella!" I looked up to see Edward's little sister Elizabeth in the doorway. "Are you busy?"

"I'm never too busy for you," I told her with a smile. "What's up?"

Elizabeth came into the classroom and sat in the desk closest to mine. She was a female version of Edward with her long auburn hair and green eyes. She had been Esme and Carlisle's "surprise" baby. Emmett was 12 and Edward was 11 when Elizabeth came along. Sometimes they were harder on her than their parents were, but they were also amazing big brothers.

"Are you going by Rose and Alice's this afternoon?" Elizabeth asked. "If you are, can I catch a ride with you? I need to make sure my dress for tomorrow night fits." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I'm so excited that I finally get to go to a grown-up party! It's about time. I mean, come on, I'm almost 15!" She rolled her eyes dramatically.

I laughed at her last comment. "Don't remind your brothers about that. They'd lock you up in a convent until you were 21 if they could. And yes, I'm going over to the shop this afternoon, and you are more than welcome to ride with me. No practices this afternoon?" Elizabeth lived and breathed cheerleading and softball, so she was usually at practice for one or the other.

"Nope. I'm off till Monday," she replied. "It's a good thing, too, because I've got to catch up on homework this weekend. It's not easy being a freshman in sophomore-level classes. Mom and Dad told me I'll have to give up an activity if I can't keep my grades up."

"I don't think that'll happen," I told her. "You've always balanced everything and done just fine."

"Yeah, but high school is harder," Elizabeth said. "I want to do well and have fun. It's just hard sometimes."

"I know, but if anyone can do it, you can," I assured her. "And as far as fun goes, I think you'll have fun at the party tomorrow night."

"Oh yes!" she squealed as the first bell of the day rang. "Oh well, guess I've got to get to class. I'll meet you here after school. Bye, Bella!" she called out as she headed to her first class.

My day went quite well. My classes were reading _Romeo and Juliet_, which was one of my all-time favorites. My students really got into the play, and we had some great discussions about it. Before I knew it, the final bell had rung, and school was over for the week.

Angela came over into my room after our students had left for the day, and we began talking about our weddings. She and her fiancé Ben were getting married at the beginning of June, about six weeks before Edward and me.

"So, do you have everything booked?" Angela asked me.

"We've got the church, but we can't agree on a place for the reception," I replied. "Esme offered her house, and I really think we're going to take her up on it. Their backyard is huge, and we could set up tents out there. I think it would be beautiful."

"Ooooh, I think so too!" Angela agreed. "Besides, I think you'd be able to relax and enjoy yourself more there than in some stuffy hotel ballroom."

"Exactly," I said. "Edward feels the same way. We really want to enjoy our wedding."

"Sorry I'm late!" called out a voice from the doorway. I looked up to see Elizabeth standing there, breathless.

"You're not late," I told her. "We've been discussing wedding plans."

"Cool!" exclaimed Elizabeth. "I can't wait for the wedding to get here. I was only 12 when Emmett and Rose got married, so I didn't think it was all that, but I'm older now, and I'll be able to enjoy it more and have fun, and speaking of fun, I can't wait for the party tomorrow, and, oh, hey Miss Weber!" I don't think the kid stopped once to take a breath.

"Hello, Elizabeth," Angela said with a laugh. "I'm glad to see you so animated today. I'll let you two get out of here. See you tomorrow night!"

I grabbed my things, and Elizabeth and I were out the door. The shop wasn't far from school, so we were there in no time. Alice pounced on us as soon as we walked in the door.

"Here they are! The beautiful bride-to-be and the sister of the groom!" Alice squealed as she pulled us in for a group hug.

"Seriously, Alice, how much caffeine do you consume on a daily basis?" Elizabeth asked.

"Too much," Rosalie answered with a laugh.

Alice pretended to look offended, but she couldn't hold in her laughter. "Hey, if being energetic is a crime, then let me be guilty!" she said dramatically.

"You're guilty, all right," Elizabeth giggled.

"Like you have room to talk, Miss Cheerleader," Alice teased. "I've seen you when you get on a roll."

Rosalie laughed and rolled her eyes. "OK, I hate to break up the lovefest here, but let's get down to business." She proceeded to push me into a fitting room. "Come on, I want to see how amazing you look in that dress."

As I was trying on the dress, I heard my cell phone ring. I realized that I had left my purse outside the fitting room. "Elizabeth, will you grab that?" I called out.

"OK! Bella's phone," she sang, and I couldn't help but laugh as I heard her engage in animated conversation with whoever was on the phone.

I go the dress on and stepped out of the fitting room. Alice squealed and clapped her hands while Rose smiled and nodded.

"You look beautiful, Bella," Rosalie said. "Edward won't know what hit him. It's perfect."

Perfect. If I had to choose one word to describe my life right now, it would be perfect. I was pretty damn lucky.

EPOV

Perfect. That was the only way to describe the feeling of waking up with Bella in my arms. Every day I wondered how I had been lucky enough to have this beautiful woman love me.

This particular Friday morning was no different from the rest. I had slept peacefully as I held Bella close to me. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with her all day, but she said something about having to work for a living. I'd gladly give up working if it meant I could spend every moment of my existence with Bella.

Bella had gotten up to get ready for work, but I was having a hard time getting up. I felt like I had a migraine coming on, even though I hadn't had one since I graduated from medical school. I figured it was just the stress of work and wedding planning that was getting to me.

I wasn't stressed about marrying Bella; I had never been so sure of anything in my life. Bella and I wanted a quiet, simple wedding, but our family and friends were pushing for a more extravagant affair. I was ready to run off to Vegas to elope, but Bella convinced me to compromise on some of the details. I decided to go along with what Bella wanted because her happiness was all that mattered to me.

Bella eventually stuck her head in the room to see if I was OK. I admitted that I wasn't quite feeling well, but I played it off as nothing serious. I didn't want to worry her. I finally got out of bed and gave Bella a passionate kiss before I got dressed and ready for work.

We walked out the door together, and I had to give her one more kiss before we parted for the day. I spun her around and kissed her sweetly. "I love you more than anything, Bella. Always," I said as I tried to catch my breath. Yes, my Bella was simply breathtaking.

"I love you, too," she replied, "always and forever."

I sighed as I got into my Volvo to head for work. I was doing my residency in the ER at Seattle Grace Hospital. I absolutely loved my work. I had considered becoming a surgeon like my father, but I liked the challenges of emergency medicine. No two days were ever alike. I treated everyone from children to the elderly and cases ranging from bumps and bruises to serious traumas. Sometimes my shifts were long and tiring, but I was too happy with what I did to notice most of the time. I always felt that Bella and I were very lucky to do what we loved.

The morning wasn't very busy, but at least it didn't seem to drag on. I was working with Mike Newton, so we hung out between patients. Mike and I had gone to medical school together, and we both wound up doing our residencies at Seattle Grace. He was a good guy and a good doctor.

I still couldn't shake that sick feeling I had had this morning, but thankfully it didn't affect my work. I made it through the morning, and soon it was lunchtime.

"Edward!" I heard someone call. I turned around and saw my father walking through the ER. My dad, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace. He had been at the hospital for years, and Emmett, Elizabeth, and I had practically grown up here.

"Hey, Dad," I called back. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see if you felt like grabbing some lunch," my dad said. "You don't look too busy down here."

"Yeah, thankfully it's been a quiet day," I replied. "Actually, Dad, I'm not that hungry. I'll join you, though."

"Is everything OK?" Carlisle asked. "You look tired."

"I am tired," I admitted. "I feel like I'm getting a migraine, but I'm hanging in there."

"A migraine? You haven't had one of those in a while," Carlisle observed.

"I know. I guess I'm just stressed right now," I told him.

"Do you have your meds? You don't want a full-blown migraine," Carlisle said, concerned.

"No, because I haven't had to take them in so long," I said. "I'll be all right, Dad. I'm a big boy."

My father laughed. "I know, but I still worry. Promise me you'll get some rest."

It was my turn to laugh. "Rosalie and Alice are about to take over your house to throw a party for Bella and me, and I'm supposed to rest? Who knows what they're going to rope me into tomorrow?"

"I'll get your mother to rein them in," Carlisle said. "You and the guys can hang out and watch some football."

"Now that's a great idea," I agreed. "The playoffs start this weekend. I know Emmett will be up for that. What about you and Elizabeth?" I asked him, knowing how much he and my sister enjoyed watching sports.

"Let's not push it," Carlisle chuckled. "I have a feeling your mother's going to put us to work."

After our lunch, I called Emmett's cell phone and got his voice mail. I then tried Jasper, but he didn't answer either. I left messages for both of them. Emmett was an architect, and Jasper was a lawyer. Both of them were very successful, and I couldn't have been happier for my brother and my best friend.

I had a few more patients after lunch, and when I looked at the clock again, I realized that Bella was out of school for the day. I decided to give her a call.

"Bella's phone," a familiar voice sang.

"Bitt, is that you?" I asked, using the nickname Emmett and I had given our sister when she was still a baby. "What are you doing with Bella's phone?"

"Oh, hey Edward!" Elizabeth said excitedly. "We're over at Twilight, and Bella's trying on her dress. What are you doing? Save any lives today?"

"It's actually pretty quiet around here today," I told her. "Fortunately, I haven't had anything serious to deal with. What have you been up to?"

That was all Elizabeth needed to hear. I laughed to myself as my little sister began to tell me about her classes, cheerleading, the upcoming softball tryouts, and her friends. Elizabeth was definitely animated and outgoing like Emmett, but at times she really could be quiet and reserved like me.

I vividly remembered the day my parents sat us down and told us that my mom was pregnant. Emmett was horrified at the idea of my parents having sex. All I could think about was how a new baby would just be in the way. To say that Emmett and I were unhappy was an understatement.

Everything changed, though, the first time we laid eyed eyes on our baby sister. She was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. We were so in love with her that we even changed diapers willingly. As soon as she was old enough to hold a bat, we took her in the backyard to teach her how to play baseball. Emmett taught her how to wrestle and belch, and I taught her to play the piano and to appreciate books.

Elizabeth became everyone's little sister. It was common for Bella, Rose, Alice, and even Jasper to spend time with her. We were all so proud of her and all of her accomplishments. She was a great kid, and I couldn't imagine life without my baby sister.

I was still laughing silently as Elizabeth continued to rattle on. "Wow, Bitt, that's interesting," I said when she finally stopped to take a breath. "Listen, sweetie, I've got to go. Would you please tell Bella that I'll call her on my way home?"

"OK! Bye, Edward! I love you!" she said.

"Love you too, kiddo," I told her before hanging up.

Not long after I talked to Elizabeth, we had a trauma come into the ER. A car had swerved off the road and run into a tree, leaving the driver in critical condition. Mike and I worked with the rest of our trauma team while we waited for a surgical consult. All of a sudden, I became dizzy and had to step back from my patient.

"Dr. Cullen? Are you OK?" I thought I heard a nurse say. I felt like I was in a daze, and I wasn't even sure if I was hearing correctly. "Dr. Cullen?" Yes, someone was definitely talking to me.

"Edward? Edward!" This time it was Mike's voice I heard. I tried to focus on what was going on, but it was hard to do so when the room was spinning.

"I'll be OK. I just need a minute," I managed to say. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. When I opened my eyes, the spinning had stopped. I was starting to feel normal again.

By this time, our patient was being taken up to surgery. "Edward, are you all right?" Mike asked me. "You freaked me out there."

"Sorry," I told him. "I've felt a migraine coming on all day. I must have spaced out for a minute."

"Maybe you ought to go home. You look like hell."

"Gee, thanks Mike," I replied, and we both laughed. "I'd love to go home and lie down, but I hate to leave you short handed."

Mike shooed me off. "Go home, Edward. We'll be fine."

"I owe you big time. Thanks," I said.

I called Bella once I got to my car, and she didn't seem alarmed when I told her I was on my way home and why. She'd seen first hand the debilitating migraines I used to get. I hadn't had one in a long time, though. Why now?

_You're overreacting,_ I told myself. _Things will work out perfectly. They always do._

Of course they did.


	2. Chapter 2Apocalypse Please

**Thank you so very much for your wonderful response to this new story! I've loved reading your reviews, and I can't believe I've touched such a nerve with some of you. I didn't mean to send you into heart fail! Your support means the world to me. Speaking of support, I have to thank two very important people. To my lovely beta, Ereeen--you are so freaking awesome! I love you hard, my sweet pea! Then there's the unofficial president of my unofficial fan club, Dollegirl--I love you too! **

**The song for this chapter is "Apocalypse Please" by Muse. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I only own a classroom full of New Orleans Saints paraphernalia.**

**Chapter 2--Apocalypse Please**

BPOV

As I worked in the kitchen making breakfast, I looked at the clock on the stove and saw that it was nearly 8:00. Edward had been asleep for over 12 hours. That was highly unusual. Edward basically existed on five to six hours of sleep a night. Perhaps getting sick yesterday was his body's way of telling him to slow down.

I had been a little surprised when Edward had come home from work early but only because he hadn't had a migraine in a long time. I wasn't worried, though, not even when he became nauseated and threw up. I had been through this before with Edward. I made sure our bedroom was completely dark. I placed a cool washcloth on his forehead and massaged his scalp until he fell asleep. When he did wake up, he'd probably feel like he was a bit hungover. I knew the drill. He'd be fine.

Edward came shuffling into the kitchen a few minutes later. He looked awful. He sat on the counter and watched me as I cooked.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I asked him.

"A little better," he replied. "I still can't shake that feeling."

"You usually have that sick feeling the morning after," I pointed out.

Edward shook his head. "This just doesn't feel right. I can't explain it."

"Do you think you should call your dad? Maybe he could prescribe something." Now I was becoming concerned. Edward never complained, so I knew he had to be feeling poorly.

"I'll be OK," he assured me. "I'll just rest today so I'll be ready for the party tonight. We can just lie around and watch football this afternoon."

I groaned. "I'd love that, but Alice and Rose will be here to ambush me. You know how they love to make me over."

Edward held out his arms, and I accepted his embrace. "You don't need a makeover. You're beautiful just the way you are." He buried his face in my hair, and I tightened my hold on him.

"No wonder I love you so much," I said. "You're irresistible, even when you're sick."

Edward laughed, and somehow I knew that he was right, that he would be OK.

After breakfast, Edward and I just lay around watching TV and reading the newspaper. We hadn't had a lazy day like this in such a long time, so it was a real treat to just lie around and relax. Edward dozed off for a little bit, and he seemed to be feeling better as the day went on.

Emmett had called to say that he and Jasper would be coming over to watch football. Alice and Rose would be busy working their makeover magic, so there was no reason for the guys not to sit around and watch the game.

Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett arrived mid-afternoon. The girls dragged me off to my bathroom while the guys settled in front of the TV.

"Is all of this really necessary?" I asked. I knew it was a rhetorical question because they were going to fuss over me whether I liked it or not.

Alice rolled her eyes and sighed. "Don't fight us, Bella. You know this is for your own good. Where would you be without us? You'd be Clinton and Stacy's next victim on _What Not to Wear_, that's where you'd be."

"Bella, it's time for you to shine," Rosalie said. "You'd better get used to it. There's only six months until the wedding."

I just relaxed and let the girls work their magic. Every so often we'd hear the guys yelling in the other room as they watched the NFL playoffs.

"How did you manage to leave Carlisle and Esme's without Elizabeth?" I asked. Alice and Rose had been over there earlier to set up for the party. "She loves to watch football with the guys."

Rose laughed. "She tried to sneak out with us. She actually made it to the front door before Esme caught her and put her to work. We heard her muttering something about Cinderella when we left."

"Well I'm glad Emmett and Jasper came over today," I said as Alice finished putting curlers in my hair. "I think Edward needed some time to chill with the guys."

"Is everything OK?" Rose asked, concerned, as she began applying my makeup. "Carlisle said that Edward was sick."

"He had a migraine yesterday," I replied. "He hasn't had one in a long time, so I think we're all overreacting."

Alice waved her hand dismissively. "Of course you're overreacting. Edward's just got a lot going on right now. He'll be fine. Trust me, I know these things."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were psychic," Rose chuckled.

"Go ahead, make fun of me," Alice said indignantly. "But I know. No matter what happens, everything will work out."

Rose and I rolled our eyes. We continued to talk as the girls finished my hair and makeup. After what seemed like forever, I was deemed ready by Alice and Rose.

I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe my eyes. My hair was pulled back on the sides and fell down my back in a cascade of curls. My makeup was perfect, more than I normally wore, but perfect all the same.

"Oh my gosh!" I gasped. "I love it!"

"Well of course you do," Alice retorted. "Anyone who has Rose and me work our magic on them looks great."

Rose hugged me. "I'm so glad you two are finally getting married. Just enjoy yourself tonight and have fun being the center of attention."

Everyone left a few minutes later, and Edward came into the bathroom to shower. I decided that I would enjoy myself tonight, even if I did like staying out of the spotlight. I had a feeling that tonight would be a night to remember.

EPOV

8:00. I couldn't believe I had slept for over 12 hours. I had always been like a vampire; I never needed much sleep. I had been so exhausted last night, though. My headache had taken a lot out of me. Bella took care of me like she always did when I was sick. I don't know what I would have done without her.

Bella and I spent a lazy day around the house. She cooked a big breakfast, which was one of her favorite things to do on a Saturday. Afterwards, we just lay around and watched TV. Bella took her time reading the newspaper, and I actually fell asleep for a while. I was still in my pajamas when Emmett and Jasper came over to watch football.

"Dude, that's a good look for you," Emmett remarked, pointing to my attire.

"Shut up, Emmett," I told him. "If you must know, I've been sick. I haven't felt like getting dressed."

"Carlisle told us you were sick," Jasper said. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah. My headache's almost gone, but I'm still really tired," I replied. "I've just been lying around so I can be rested for tonight."

"Oh, little brother, do you really think you're gonna get much rest watching the playoffs?" Emmett asked with a stupid grin on his face. "Come on, the Patriots are playing!"

"Not today, Emmett," I warned him. "We can watch all the football you want, but don't expect me to be jumping and yelling with you."

"Oh, all right," Emmett grumbled. "Do you at least have beer?"

The guys and I spent the next couple of hours watching the Patriots beat up on the Jaguars. Emmett and Jasper yelled and cheered, and I just laughed as I laid back and watched them. I felt better as the afternoon wore on, and I was glad the guys had come over.

The Patriots won, the guys left, and I went to shower. I stood under the shower for a long time, letting the hot water beat on my neck and shoulders. I had washed myself and was rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I began to feel dizzy and weak. I put my hand up against the tile to brace myself as I slowly sank to my knees. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, but that didn't stop the spinning this time. I tried to call out for Bella, but I couldn't form the words. I just stayed there for what seemed like forever until I finally felt normal again.

I was shaking as I got out of the shower and dried off. I knew something was wrong with me, something more than just a migraine. I would definitely have to talk to my father tonight. He would know what to do.

Since it was still too early to get dressed for the party, I just threw on some sweats. I decided to play my piano for a while because I knew that would relax me. As I sat at the piano bench, I looked over at Bella on the sofa and laughed. She was sitting there in her robe with her hair and makeup perfectly done. It was quite a sight.

"Are you laughing at me?" Bella asked with mock indignation.

"Sorry, love, I can't help it," I replied. "Would it help if I told you that you make that robe look classy?"

Bella came over and sat next to me on the piano bench. She bumped me playfully as she began to laugh as well. "Since you made fun of me, you have to play for me."

I gestured toward the piano keys. "Your wish is my command. What would you like to hear?"

Bella thought for a moment before answering. "Hmmm, I'd like some Beethoven please."

"One Beethoven coming right up," I said as I began playing "Moonlight Sonata." I felt myself relax as my fingers flew across the keys. Medicine was one of my passions, but music was definitely another. I loved playing and composing. I wanted to surprise Bella by writing a song for our wedding. I knew I'd have to get to work on that soon.

I could have played all night, but Bella and I eventually had to get dressed for the party. Bella put on her dress, and she was so stunning that she took my breath away. She wore a burgundy strapless number that hit just above the knee and accentuated her curves perfectly. I wore my black suit with a white shirt, and Alice had insisted I wear a burgundy tie to match Bella's dress.

As we walked out the front door to the car, I tossed my keys to Bella. "I think you should drive tonight," I told her.

Bella looked surprised. "You're actually going to let me drive your precious Volvo? Wow, you must be pretty sick."

We got into the car, and I took a deep breath before I responded. "I had another dizzy spell while I was in the shower."

"Edward, something's not right," Bella said seriously. "You can't let this go on."

"I know," I replied. "I'm going to talk to my dad tonight and see what he has to say."

"We don't have to go to this party. We can turn around and go home," Bella said.

"And incur the wrath of Rosalie and Alice? You've got to be kidding!" I started laughing. "What I'm feeling now would be nothing compared to the pain they'd inflict on me if we didn't show up tonight."

We headed to my parents' house, and I braced myself for whatever Rosalie and Alice had in store. They certainly didn't disappoint. White twinkle lights hung in the trees in front of the house, and I wondered who got lucky enough to hang them—Emmett or Jasper.

Bella squeezed my hand as she parked the car in front of the house. "Ready?" she asked me.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied.

We got out of the car and headed into the house. "Anyone home?" I called.

My mom came bustling into the foyer. "Edward! Bella!" she greeted us. Bella and I hugged her before she led us into the den. "The guests of honor are here!"

Before I knew it, we were surrounded by our family and friends. I felt a little claustrophobic, so I excused myself. I grabbed a bottle of water from the bar and joined my dad, Emmett, and Jasper.

The guys were talking about football. At least I think they were. I began to feel dizzy again and spaced out. If I hadn't been leaning against the wall, I probably would have fallen. The voices around me just droned on. It was Emmett's booming voice that snapped me back to reality.

"Elizabeth Anne Cullen, where is the rest of your dress?"

I looked up to see that Elizabeth had joined us. I wondered about her dress as well. I had never seen my sister in a strapless dress before. Everything was covered, but still, it was strapless.

"Emmett, there is nothing wrong with my dress," Elizabeth replied indignantly.

"There's nothing holding it up!" Emmett exclaimed. "What if you raise your arms and it falls down?"

"Bitt, I have to agree," I said. "I just don't know if that's an appropriate dress for a girl your age."

"Daaaad," Elizabeth whined.

"Boys, leave your sister alone," Carlisle chided. "She looks lovely."

"Lovely? Part of the dress is missing!" I said in astonishment.

Elizabeth glared at me. "Do you really think Mom and Dad would have let me get this dress if there was anything wrong with it?"

"You probably sweet talked them into it!" Emmett boomed.

"That's enough," Carlisle said with finality. "It's not as if we're letting her out dressed like a hooker. Leave her alone."

Emmett became completely exasperated and stomped off. I looked up to see Jasper laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" I asked him.

"Man, I am so glad I don't have a little sister," Jasper said through his laughter. "I don't know if I could take it."

Carlisle began laughing as well. "I think Emmett and Edward give her more grief than Esme and I do."

"We just worry about you, Bitt," I said, putting my arm around her to show her I wasn't really upset. "It's not easy being a big brother. I know what teenage boys are like."

"I'm not a little girl, Edward," Elizabeth replied. "I know you worry about me, but I can take care of myself. I did learn a few things from my big brothers." She playfully poked me in the ribs with her elbow.

"Awww, I love happy endings," teased Jasper.

Emmett rejoined us. "What's going on? What's so funny? You're not making fun of me, are you?"

Elizabeth looked at him seriously. "Yes, Emmett, we are making fun of you. It's what I live for."

Emmett looked totally confused and a little hurt. We just laughed at him.

"Geez, Emmett, I'm just kidding," Elizabeth told him. "You know, for a smart guy you can be pretty obtuse."

While Jasper laughed at Elizabeth's comment, I leaned in to my dad and whispered, "Can we talk in private?" He nodded, and I followed him to his study.

As I sat down next to my dad on the leather couch in his study, I thought back to all the times I had come here before for advice. My brother and sister and I were very lucky to have parents we could talk to about anything. Love, school, jobs, even sex—no subject was off limits with my parents. I was scared shitless by what was happening to me, but I knew I could count on my dad for help.

"Edward, is everything OK?" Carlisle asked, bringing me out of my reverie.

"No, it's not," I replied. "You know that I got sick at work yesterday and had to leave." My dad nodded, and I continued. "Well, it happened again today. Twice."

My father looked at me with concern written all over his face. "What happened exactly?"

I hesitated for a moment before I could begin. "The first time was in the shower this afternoon. I was so dizzy that I had to sit down. I tried calling Bella, but I couldn't even get the words out. The second time was just a few minutes ago, right before Bitt came over." I got up and started pacing around the room. "I'm scared, Dad. What the hell is wrong with me?"

My dad walked over and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "The first thing we need to do is get an MRI," he said. "We need to see if there's anything going on under that thick skull of yours." I laughed a little, and he continued. "I know tomorrow's Sunday, but I'd like to have it done as soon as possible. I can arrange it for first thing in the morning. Then we see what the results are and go from there."

"What if something really is wrong?" I nearly whispered.

Carlisle looked me straight in the eyes. "No matter what, we will get through it. I promise."

"Thanks, Dad." I hugged him, and we headed back out to the party.

Once we were back in the den, I found Bella and placed a light kiss on her temple.

"Hey, where have you been? Are you OK?" she asked.

"Everything's fine," I told her. "I'll tell you about it later."

Bella and I spent a while mingling with our guests. It was wonderful to have our family and friends with us to celebrate our engagement. We had waited so long to get married, and I couldn't believe it would happen in just six short months.

A short time later, Alice's high-pitched voice could be heard over the crowd. "It's time to propose a toast to the happy couple!" A few of the guys groaned as they were pulled away from the Seahawks-Packers game on TV.

Alice began her little speech. "I've known Bella and Edward for nearly all my life, and I'm so happy that they are finally tying the knot. The love they share is an unbreakable bond that will keep them together no matter what happens. I wish you every happiness in the world because you deserve it."

Everyone clapped, and I gave Bella a chaste kiss on the lips. Then Emmett cleared his throat. I cringed because Emmett was prone to word vomit. I was afraid of what he might say.

"First of all, I have to say that it's about time that my little brother popped the question," Emmett said. "Bella, I don't know how you put up with him for so long without a ring on your finger. Seriously though, I love you guys, and I am thrilled for you. I know that you'll always be happy no matter what life throws your way."

I smiled at the fact that my brother actually gave a nice speech. Emmett could be a goofball, but he had a big heart.

The party began to die down about midnight. Bella and I sat around with our parents, Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and Elizabeth. We rehashed the events of the evening while Emmett and Elizabeth argued about the football game.

"I can't believe the Packers won! That sucks!" Emmett complained.

"Em, I love the Seahawks as much as you do, but did you really think they were going to beat the Packers?" Elizabeth asked in amazement. "Brett Favre had an all-pro season!"

"That's enough, you two," my mother gently chided. "You can argue about football tomorrow."

I felt myself getting very sleepy. Bella apparently noticed because she patted my knee and said, "I'd better get you home. I can't carry you inside if you fall asleep."

We stood up, and I immediately felt dizzy. I grabbed Bella's shoulder to steady myself.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella demanded.

"I'm OK. I just got up too fast," I said.

All of a sudden, I felt as if my head was going to explode. I had never felt pain like that before. My legs began to wobble, and I couldn't stand any longer.

"Edward!" Bella cried out.

And then my world went black.


	3. Chapter 3Shadow of the Day

**I know, it was evil of me to leave you with that cliffhanger! I hope this chapter will make up for it, though. I hope you'll like it as much as the first two. As always, I have to thank several people for making this possible. To my beta girls Erin and Liz--you rock! Thanks for helping me out with this chapter, Liz Bitt! To my unofficial fan club--Cristy, Jenn, Katy, and President Dolle--thanks for keeping me going!**

**The song for this chapter is "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park. The link is on my profile. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Everything I own is in the back of my SUV. **

**Chapter 3—Shadow of the Day**

BPOV

"Edward!" I cried. I stood there helplessly as he collapsed, unconscious.

"Carlisle, do something!" Esme choked out.

Carlisle immediately took charge of the situation. He knelt next to Edward and began barking out orders. "Jasper, call 911. Elizabeth, go get my bag. Emmett, grab a pillow from the sofa."

As shocked as everyone was, they sprang into action. Carlisle placed the pillow under Edward's head, and he and Emmett removed Edward's jacket and tie. Elizabeth came running in with Carlisle's bag, and Carlisle began to examine Edward.

"The ambulance is on its way," Jasper announced as he came back into the room.

Suddenly, Edward began shaking violently. My tears began to flow as I could do nothing but watch. Rose hugged me as she tried to reassure me. I didn't hear a word she said.

"Dad, what's the matter?" Elizabeth exclaimed. "Why can't you make him stop?"

"He's having a seizure," Carlisle said as calmly as he could. "Emmett, help me turn him on his side." He looked up at Elizabeth and continued. "There's nothing I can do right now except make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

The seizure probably lasted only a minute, but it was the longest minute of my life. I didn't know much about that sort of thing, but I was hoping that Edward might regain consciousness after his seizure. He didn't. In fact, he was worse.

"His breathing is irregular," Carlisle said to no one in particular. "Damn it, Edward, what's going on in there?"

I broke free from Rose and knelt next to Carlisle, taking Edward's hand in mine. "Come on, Edward, wake up. Come back to us," I said quietly. "It's going to be OK. Just wake up, Edward." My tears continued to fall freely as Edward just lay there, motionless.

Fortunately, the ambulance arrived quickly, and my parents held me as Carlisle and the paramedics worked on Edward. They finally got him on a stretcher and wheeled him out to the ambulance. Carlisle rode with them. My parents drove me to the hospital, but the whole ride was a blur. I didn't even remember getting out of the car and walking to the waiting room in the ER.

Our family and friends were soon gathered in the waiting room as we waited on news of Edward's condition. No one spoke; what would we have said anyway? Emmett paced nervously, running his hands through his hair.

Rosalie finally broke the silence. "Jesus, Emmett, sit down. You're making me more nervous than I already am."

"How do you expect me to sit still?" Emmett shot back. "That's my brother in there. My unconscious brother. I want to know what the hell is going on. I want to know if he's going to be OK."

Jasper stood up and put his hand on Emmett's shoulder to reassure him. "Emmett, you know your dad will talk to us as soon as he knows something. Calm down."

Emmett pulled away from Jasper. "Calm down?! How the hell am I supposed to calm down? You were there! You saw what happened! I'm not going to calm down until I know that Edward is OK! Don't tell me how to feel!"

"Stop it!" Elizabeth yelled as she jumped between Emmett and Jasper. "Just stop! This isn't helping anything. Just please stop it." Elizabeth was now sobbing, and Emmett grabbed her in a big bear hug.

"I'm sorry, Bitt," he said to her, then looked up at Jasper. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you, Jasper." Emmett sighed. "Where the hell is Dad?"

As if on cue, Carlisle came into the waiting room. "Please tell me that wasn't you I heard yelling," he said to Emmett.

"Sorry, Dad," Emmett apologized. "How's Edward?"

Carlisle sighed. "I just sent him for a CT scan and an MRI, but it appears he's had a stroke."

"A stroke?" Esme cried out. "No, there's got to be some kind of mistake. He's too young!"

"I wish it was a mistake," Carlisle said heavily. "The test results should tell us more, though. I've also called in Dr. Snow from neurology."

"But he'll be OK, won't he?" I asked. "I mean, he can have therapy, can't he? Won't that help him?"

"I don't know, Bella," replied Carlisle. "We have to wait and see. He's still unconscious, which isn't a good sign." He paused. "I'm going to check on Edward, and I'll be back as soon as I know more. I promise." He kissed Esme on the cheek and then headed back into the ER.

Esme was now sobbing. "How could he have had a stroke? He's young and healthy. Carlisle is wrong. It can't be a stroke." My mom held Esme as her tears flowed freely.

I laid my head on Alice's shoulder, and she put her arm around me. "He's in good hands, Bella," Alice said reassuringly. "Carlisle is going to make sure he gets the best care possible. Edward is going to come back to us. It may not be right away, but I know he's going to be fine in the end."

I scooted in closer to Alice. "I hope you're right, Alice. I'm just scared."

Alice looked at me as if I had offended her. "You know I'm always right."

I said a silent prayer, hoping that Alice would indeed be right.

The minutes ticked by painfully until finally Carlisle came out of the ER again, but this time he was accompanied by another doctor. "Everyone, this is Dr. Snow," Carlisle said. "He's examined Edward and reviewed his CT and MRI."

"And?" I asked expectantly.

"Edward's stroke is the result of a brain hemorrhage," Dr. Snow explained. "The hemorrhage was caused by a defect known as an arteriovenous malformation, or an AVM. What that means is that in part of Edward's brain, the blood flows from the arteries to the veins instead of going through the capillaries first. The arteries and veins wind up tangled and snarled. This puts a great deal of pressure on the arteries and veins and can cause them to rupture."

"How did he get this thing, and what are you going to do about it?" Emmett demanded.

"AVMs are usually present at birth, but most people don't know they have them until something like this happens," Dr. Snow said. "Unfortunately, surgery is often the only way to fix it and alleviate the symptoms."

"Surgery? My Edward is having brain surgery?" Esme cried out.

"I'm afraid so," replied Dr. Snow. "The hemorrhage caused a great deal of bleeding in Edward's brain and formed a hematoma. The bleeding, in turn, has irritated the brain and caused swelling. We need to go in and remove the hematoma and the AVM to reduce the swelling."

"So he'll be OK after the surgery?" Emmett asked hopefully.

Dr. Snow sighed. "Edward is in a coma. He had another seizure in the ER, and he was having difficulty breathing. He's on a ventilator to help him breathe."

Then Elizabeth stepped forward, askinged the question that no one else had dared to ask. "Dad, is Edward going to die?"

Carlisle knelt down in front of her and hugged her tightly. "I don't know, honey. There is a chance he may not make it through the surgery." He pulled back to look into Elizabeth's eyes, which were glistening with tears. "I promise you, though, that we are going to do everything we can to save him."

"I have to see him," I said.

Carlisle stood up. "He's being prepped for surgery. You'll be able to see him afterwards."

"No. I want to see him now," I demanded.

"I want to see him too," Emmett added.

"All right," Carlisle relented, "but you can't stay for long."

Emmett and I followed Carlisle into the ER and into the room where Edward was. I gasped when I saw him, and Emmett stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders. Edward lay motionless on the bed. The only indication that he was alive was the beeping of the heart monitor. The worst part was seeing him on the ventilator; his condition was so serious that he couldn't even breathe on his own. I reached out and pushed his hair out of his face. The tears began to fall as I realized this was probably the last time for a while that I'd be able to run my hands through his hair.

"He never could keep that damn hair neat," I said shakily.

"I wish I knew why this was happening," Emmett said quietly. "I keep thinking it's just some kind of sick joke and that he's going to sit up and laugh at us or something."

We both stood in silence, watching Edward, until Carlisle came back into the room. "It's time to go. We have to get him to surgery."

"How long will it take?" I asked.

"A few hours. It's pretty delicate surgery," Carlisle replied. "Don't worry, I'll be there the whole time with him."

I leaned over and kissed Edward on the forehead. "You'd better come back to me," I whispered.

Emmett squeezed Edward's hand. "If you die, little brother, I'm going to kill you." Emmett wasn't the most eloquent person, but he meant well.

We walked back to the waiting room silently. Emmett had wrapped his arm around me protectively. As soon as I saw our family, though, I broke down, my legs giving out beheath me. Jasper caught me before I collapsed, and I just sobbed into his chest for what seemed like forever.

EmPOV

Once I realized that Bella was safe with Jasper, I walked out of the waiting room, past the nurses' station, and out into the chilly night air. How had things gone so wrong in just a few short hours? We had been having a great time, and now Edward was in a coma fighting for his life. The thought of my brother dying was unfathomable. We had always been a team—the Three Amigos—Edward, Elizabeth, and me. There was no way we could go on without him.

Anger began to bubble up inside of me now. I just wanted to hit something, hit it hard. I realized that wouldn't do me any good, so I just yelled at the top of my lungs. I needed some kind of release.

"Emmett?" a quiet voice said. I turned around to see Rosalie standing there, watching my little outburst. "Em, are you OK?"

"Am I OK? No, I'm not OK!" I shouted. "He might die, Rose. My little brother might die. Why on earth would I be OK?" I paused for a moment to regain some of my composure. "You should have seen him. Then again, maybe it's a good thing you didn't. He looked like shit. He was hooked up to all these fucking machines. Now he's lying on an operating table having his skull cracked open. Even if he lives, he might not be the same Edward. He had a fucking stroke! This isn't supposed to happen! I keep hoping that this is some kind of crazy dream and that I'll wake up and everything will be all right. But I know it's not a dream. It's a fucking nightmare."

I couldn't hold it in any longer. My body began to shake with the sobs I couldn't contain. Rose hugged me tightly, and I felt like I might fall apart if she let me go. I just buried my face in her hair and cried. I didn't care if crying like that was too girly. All I could think about was the possibility of losing Edward and what would happen to my family if he died.

"He has to make it, Rose," I finally managed to say. "He has to. I don't know what I'd do without him. I'll deal with all the complications he might have. He's my brother, my best friend. I'm his big brother. I'm supposed to protect him. He can't die."

"I know, Em, I know. I'm scared, too," Rosalie replied. "But we need to be positive. It's like Alice said. I think that everything will work out in the end. Besides, I think Edward's too stubborn to die. All three of you Cullen kids are stubborn."

I laughed a little at Rosalie's last remark. She was right; Edward, Bitt, and I were pretty stubborn. I only hoped it would be enough to get Edward through this ordeal.

"I think I'm ready to go back inside," I told Rosalie. "Besides, it's getting cold out here."

BPOV

I was crying so hard after seeing Edward that I didn't even notice that Emmett and Rose had gone outside. Alice and Jasper did their best to comfort me, but I was inconsolable at that point. I was so scared because my greatest fear was staring me in the face, the fear of losing Edward. I didn't know if I could live in a world where he didn't exist.

I had calmed down a bit by the time Emmett and Rosalie had returned to the waiting room. Jasper looked up at them, surprised. Emmett's eyes were red and puffy; he had obviously been crying as well. It shouldn't have surprised me since he and Edward were so close.

The hours ticked by slowly. Edward had gone into surgery about two in the morning, and it was now 7:30. Carlisle had said the surgery would take a few hours, but it had now been over five hours. I was even more scared than I was before, if that was at all possible.

It was almost 8:00 when Dr. Snow and Carlisle came out of the OR. I jumped out of my seat as soon as I saw them. "How is he? Is he OK?" I blurted out.

"He made it through the surgery," Dr. Snow replied, "but his condition is still very critical. His vitals began to drop, and he even went into cardiac arrest at one point. We'll need to monitor him very closely for the next 24 hours especially. He's still on the vent and will be for as long as necessary. We also had to put in a shunt to drain any excess blood and fluid as well as to monitor swelling. If Edward's brain begins to swell again, we'll have to go back in."

"Is he still in a coma?" Emmett asked.

"I'm afraid so," answered Dr. Snow. "I'm not sure when or if he'll wake up."

"What do you mean 'if'?" Emmett thundered.

"Now calm down, Emmett," Carlisle admonished. "Unfortunately, we have to be prepared for anything. There is still a possibility that he might not make it."

"No!" Now it was Elizabeth's turn to yell out. "You need to save him! You need to fix him now!" She was crying and grabbing onto Carlisle's shirt.

"Elizabeth Anne, you need to calm down," Carlisle said as he gently took her hands. "We are doing everything we can, but we have to be realistic." Carlisle held his daughter as she continued to cry.

"When can we see him?" I asked, surprised I was able to find my voice.

Dr. Snow shook his head. "He'll be in recovery for a few hours before we move him to ICU. The earliest you'll be able to see him will be noon. I suggest you go home and get some rest. You've all had a very long night."

"I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here," I said stubbornly.

"Bella, please," my mom said. "Let me take you home. We'll come back later."

"No, I'm staying," I insisted.

"I'm staying too," Emmett added.

Carlisle sighed. "Fine. I guess I can't force you to go home. I'll be here as well, and I'll let you know when you can go in to see Edward."

The rest of our family reluctantly went home, leaving Emmett and me alone in the waiting room. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I heard was Emmett's voice.

"Bella, wake up," he said gently. "It's time to see Edward."

I jumped up and nearly tripped in the process. Emmett laughed at me, and I just glared at him.

Carlisle was waiting for us outside the ICU. "I just wanted to warn you before you go in there," Carlisle said. "He's still on the vent, but there's the shunt as well. His face is also a little swollen from the surgery and the steroids he's been given, so be prepared."

Emmett and I followed Carlisle into Edward's room. I was glad Carlisle had warned us. Edward looked even worse than he did before. His head was completely bandaged, and there was a tube coming out the top. I realized it was the shunt Dr. Snow told us about. His face was indeed swollen, and he had some bruising around his eyes. He didn't even look like the man I loved.

I sat down in the chair next to Edward's bed and took his hand in mine. "I love you, Edward," I said as my tears began to fall once again. "Please wake up. Please come back to me."

Edward had to be OK. He had to wake up. If he didn't make it, I knew I wouldn't make it either.


	4. Chapter 4The Sun Doesn't Shine Forever

**Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your response to Chapter 3! I'm sorry I didn't include a tissue alert! I'm glad you liked Emmett's sensitive side because I was really worried about what y'all might think. You may need the Kleenex for one part of this chapter; I know I did!**

**Thanks so much to my awesome beta Bittenev for being so awesome! She totally helped me whip this chapter into shape! Thanks also to my fan club president Dollegirl for letting me cry and vent whenever I need to and for making me laugh as well. Love you both!**

**The song for this chapter is "The Sun Doesn't Shine Forever" by Duran Duran. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm owned by three cats.**

**Chapter 4—The Sun Doesn't Shine Forever**

BPOV

I spent the entire afternoon at Edward's bedside. I just sat in that same chair, never moving, never letting go of Edward's hand. Emmett sat in a chair on the other side of the bed. Neither of us said a word. One of us would occasionally shake our head or wipe away a few tears, but that was all. Nothing we could do or say would change the fact that we might lose Edward.

I eventually fell asleep, still sitting in that same chair with Edward's hand in mine. When I awoke a couple of hours later, Emmett was gone, and Rosalie was sitting in his chair.

"Hey, Rose," I said weakly, my voice raspy from crying and disuse. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. I figured you and Emmett could use some fresh clothes," she replied. "Emmett just left to change."

It was only then that I realized that I was still wearing my dress from last night. Just 24 hours ago my life had been perfect. I was celebrating my engagement to the only man I had ever loved. I had never been happier. I began to cry again as I looked at Edward in that bed possibly dying.

Rosalie was at my side in an instant. She knelt next to me and hugged me while I cried. "It's OK," she said soothingly. "Let it all out. You know you don't have to be strong in front of us."

I was so relieved that Rose didn't try to calm me down. She just let me have my moment. When I finally pulled back to dry my tears, I noticed that Rose was crying as well.

"He's like my brother, too," she said. "I'm trying to be positive. I really am. It's just so hard to see him like this."

"He doesn't even look like our Edward, but I know he's in there somewhere," I said. "He has to wake up. He has to make it."

"He looks like hell," Rose said, and we actually began to laugh a little.

Emmett came back in the room and looked at us like we were crazy. "What's so funny?" he asked us.

"I just said that this wasn't exactly Edward's best look," Rosalie replied.

Emmett smiled a little. "Yeah, he's looked better. Those tubes really don't do much for him." The three of us were silent for a moment before Emmett spoke again. "Dad said he might have some permanent brain damage. I don't care. I only want him to wake up."

I nodded in agreement. I knew what happened to stroke victims. I knew that Edward might be unable to walk or talk when he came out of his coma. I'd deal with it, though. I'd rather have a damaged Edward than no Edward at all. He was my life. I wasn't going to give up on him easily.

"How's Mom and Bitt?" Emmett asked Rosalie.

"Your mom basically cried herself to sleep," she replied sadly. "She was a mess. Renee and I just held her until she finally wore herself out and fell asleep. Renee is still with her. Bitt is another story." Rosalie paused for a moment. "As soon as we got back to the house, she ran upstairs and locked herself in her room. She won't come out, and she won't let me in. I even called her cell phone, but she won't answer. I'm worried about her. That's not typical Elizabeth behavior. I don't expect her to be her usual bubbly self, but I've never seen her shut herself away like this."

Emmett shook his head. "I guess we just have to let her deal with it in her own way. If she doesn't come around by tomorrow, I'll talk to her."

I was surprised as well by Elizabeth's behavior. She usually faced problems head on, but then again, she had never faced a problem like this before. None of us had. I don't think any of us knew what to do.

"I'm going to go change," I said, grabbing the bag that Rosalie had brought for me. I didn't want to leave Edward, not even for a second, but I had to get out of my dress. I knew I was in for a long night, and I wanted to be comfortable. Emmett and Rose nodded, and I left the room.

I found a bathroom down the hall. I knew I had to be a mess, but I really wasn't concerned with my appearance. I was grateful that Rose had packed my favorite long-sleeved tee and sweat pants. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and splashed some water on my face before going back to Edward's room.

When I returned, I saw that Carlisle had joined Emmett and Rosalie. "How is he?" I asked Carlisle, even though I knew that nothing had changed in the few minutes I was gone. I really just wanted Carlisle's professional opinion on the situation.

Carlisle sighed and motioned to the bag that was connected to the tube coming from Edward's head. "There's still some blood draining, and I don't like it," he said. "At least there hasn't been any more swelling or seizures. His blood pressure is also pretty high. That doesn't really help things."

"And you have no idea when he'll come out of this?" I asked.

"I wish I could give you some kind of prognosis, but I just don't know," he said shaking his head. "I don't know what he'll be like if he comes out of this. I just don't know." He closed his eyes as his voice trailed off, thinking of all the possibilities.

We were silent again for a few minutes before Rose said she was leaving. "I'm going to spend the night at your house," she told Carlisle. "I don't want Esme to be alone tonight, and Renee has to go to work in the morning." Rose noticed the look on my face when she mentioned work. "Don't worry about school, Bella," she said. "Renee already talked to Mr. Warner, and he said to take all the time you need. Everything's covered."

School was the farthest thing from my mind, so I was glad that everything was taken care of. My only concern was Edward.

Emmett walked Rose to her car, leaving Carlisle and I alone with Edward. Carlisle slumped into the chair and buried his face in his hands.

"What kind of father am I?" he said. "How could I have missed all the signs? How could I let this happen?"

"Carlisle, this isn't your fault," I said.

"Of course it's my fault," he replied, looking up at me. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "I should have done something. He came to me last night and told me all about his symptoms. And do you know what I did? I told him we'd wait until the morning to do an MRI. He was scared. He told me he was scared, and I told him to wait. My son was sick and scared, and I didn't do a damn thing about it. It's my fault he's in a coma. If only I had acted sooner. How could I have let him down like this? I've totally failed my own son."

"No one could have seen this coming," I told him. "No one. Edward's a doctor. If he had known how serious this was he would have done something. We had no idea what was going on in his brain, Carlisle. I don't know if you could have prevented this."

I meant what I said. As awful as this whole thing was, it really wasn't anyone's fault. Carlisle was a brilliant surgeon, and it pained me to see him take the blame for Edward's condition.

Carlisle finally let go and allowed himself to cry. Seeing my future father-in-law in tears and blaming himself this was almost too much to bear.

"It hurts so much," he said. "I can't help him. And as scared as I am, I have to be the strong one. I have to keep it together for everyone else. Esme is going to need me more now than she ever has, and I can't fall apart on her." He buried his face in his hands again, trying to regain some composure. Then he stood up and turned towards the door. "I'm going to stay in my office tonight. I want to stay close by just in case I'm needed. I'll have someone bring in a couple of rollaway beds for you and Emmett. I know you don't want to leave him either." Carlisle gave me a quick hug, and then he was gone.

I don't think Emmett and I slept at all that night. As tired as we were, we were much too anxious to sleep. Edward's shunt had to be monitored very closely, which meant every hour his nurse came in to check it. Between that and the beeping and humming of the machines sleep was almost impossible. didn't help either. Emmett left around seven in the morning to check in with Rose, so I was alone when the new nurse came in.

"Good morning," she said brightly yet quietly. "I'm Jessica, Dr. Cullen's nurse for today. I'll be in here at least once an hour to check his drain and his vitals."

"I'm Bella, his fiancée," I said. "Does everything look OK?" I asked as Jessica checked the machines and made notes on Edward's chart.

"The night nurse said there was some blood draining last night, and he still has some blood in here today," she replied as she checked the drainage bag. "His blood pressure has come down some, and his intracranial pressure is only slightly elevated. Dr. Snow will be in shortly to see him, so I'm sure he'll be able to give you more information. If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll do my best to help you out."

"Thanks, Jessica," I said as she smiled and left the room.

Emmett returned a few minutes later and said that Rosalie and Esme were on their way. They arrived shortly thereafter. It was a shock to see Esme look such a mess. Ever since I'd known her I'd never seen her look less than perfection. Rosalie had her arm around Esme as if she were holding her together.

"Oh, Edward," Esme sobbed as Emmett guided her to a chair beside the bed. "My poor baby." Esme just sat there and cried while Emmett, Rose, and I looked on helplessly.

"Where's Bitt?" Emmett asked Rose.

"School," Rose replied. "She stayed in her room all night, but she came down this morning and said she was going to school. She was out the door before I could even respond. Maybe being at school in her normal routine will be helpful."

"I hope so. I just worry about her," Emmett said.

"She'll come around. She needs time. We all do," said Rose, putting her arm around me. "How are you holding up, Bells?"

"Hanging in there as best I can," I replied. "I hate feeling so helpless. All I want is to see him open his eyes. I already miss him so much." I wanted to cry, but I had no tears left.

"I still can't believe that my brother had a fucking stroke," Emmett said.

"Emmett, I believe your mother and I raised you better than that." We all turned around to see Carlisle entering the room, followed by Dr. Snow. "Is it really necessary to use that kind of language?"

"Sorry, Dad," Emmett apologized. "Any good news this morning?"

Dr. Snow looked at Edward's chart and shook his head. "I wish I had some good news to report, but everything looks the same as it did yesterday. We'll keep giving him steroids to keep the brain swelling down, and he'll be on antibiotics as long has he has the shunt."

"What about the vent?" I asked. "And how long will he need the shunt?"

"We'll try and lower the vent later and see what happens," Dr. Snow replied. "The shunt will stay in place until his intracranial pressure is normal for at least 24 hours."

"The nurse said his intracranial pressure was slightly elevated. How bad is that?" I needed to get as much information as possible.

"Considering everything, it's not that bad right now," said Dr. Snow. "The swelling and the pressure in Edward's brain aren't going to go away immediately, but we don't have to worry unless the pressure goes up too high. I can't imagine that this has been easy on any of you. I've known Edward for a long time, and it's been difficult for me to see him like this. I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that he comes out of this OK."

"I know. I just hope we don't lose our sanity before it's all said and done. This sucks," Emmett said.

"It does suck," Dr. Snow agreed with a small laugh. "Hopefully, I'll have a better prognosis before too long. I'll be back later to check on Edward, but you can have me paged if you need me before then." He left the room, but Carlisle stayed with us.

"I know that this is incredibly difficult for all of us, but we have to stick together," Carlisle said. "We need to lean on each other and support each other. We'll never get through this, and neither will Edward if we don't take care of each other."

"But look at him, Carlisle!" Esme cried. "What if he doesn't make it?"

"I don't know, dear," Carlisle replied gently. "I know things don't look good, but we have to hope for the best. It's killing me to know that there's nothing I can do for my own son, that all I can do is pray for a miracle."

"I hate not being able to do anything," Emmett said. "I wish he'd wake up and argue with me or insult me or just say something, anything."

I stood there silently. Carlisle and Emmett had said what was on my mind. There was nothing else to say.

Carlisle eventually left to do his rounds, and Emmett and Rose left as well. Emmett was going home to sleep for a while but promised to return later. Rose was going to the shop so that Alice could come by. She tried to get me to go home and rest, but I refused. There was no way I was leaving Edward's side. Esme and I kept our vigil at Edward's bedside, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.

Alice came by for a couple of hours, and her presence was just what I needed. She was so hyper that she actually made me feel a little better. Jasper was stuck in court all day, but he called several times to check on things. Emmett returned by mid-afternoon, and Rose came back after work. My parents were also there. My mom begged me to go home and sleep, but I wouldn't leave.

The only person who didn't show up was Elizabeth. She called Esme to say she was getting a ride home from cheerleading practice, but she made no mention of Edward. It surprised me a little considering how close she and Edward were, but I knew she had to deal with the situation in her own way.

Dr. Snow was back that evening to check on Edward. He shook his head as he looked over Edward's chart. "I don't like this at all. His ICP is up," he said solemnly.

"ICP? Is that intracranial pressure? What does that mean?" I asked, but deep down I already knew.

Dr. Snow nodded. "It is, and this isn't good. If the pressure is increasing, it means that Edward's brain is swelling again. I'm going to up his steroids and start him on mannitol, a drug that will help with the swelling."

"And what if that doesn't work?" I asked in a small voice, but, again, I think I already knew. I guess I needed to hear it out loud. Then again, maybe I didn't.

"We'll have to take him back to surgery," Dr. Snow replied. He obviously saw the panicked expression on my face because he took my hand. "Surgery is a last resort, Bella. We're going to do everything we possibly can. Believe me; I don't want Edward to undergo surgery again. The nurses will be checking him every hour, and they will page me immediately if anything changes."

Dr. Snow left, and I stood there in a daze. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a voice, but I had no idea where it was coming from.

"Bella? Talk to me, Bella." I finally realized that it was Rosalie who was speaking to me.

"Sorry, Rose," I told her. "I just freaked out for a minute. I'm just trying to take it all in."

"Take it all in? How the hell are we supposed to take it all in?" Emmett thundered. "Having them cut Edward's head open once was enough. How much more does he have to go through?"

"Em, the doctor said that surgery was only a last resort," Rose said calmly. "I'm sure the medicines will work just fine. We just have to have a little faith."

Emmett looked as if he was ready to explode, and I think the only reason he didn't was the fact that we were in the ICU. "Have faith?! If faith is all it takes, then Edward would be fine instead of in a coma!" Emmett began to say something else, but he stopped when he realized that Esme was crying. "Mom? What's wrong?"

Esme looked at him disapprovingly. "It's difficult enough dealing with Edward being sick. I don't need you going around yelling and making it worse. You may not have faith, but right now faith is all I've got. I have to believe that Edward is going to be all right because otherwise I'll go crazy. Just let me cling to that little bit of faith."

Emmett knelt down next to Esme's chair and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't know if I believe in faith and miracles anymore. If faith and miracles were real, Edward wouldn't be in a coma."

Esme broke away from Emmett and looked at him sternly. "Now you listen to me. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again. Your brother needs us. He needs us to believe that he's going to make it. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. He may wake up and be OK, or he may need more surgery. I'm just as scared as you are, Emmett, but I have to believe that Edward is going to recover."

"I want to believe. I really do," Emmett said as he stood up and looked at Edward lying unconscious. "Hell, I've even prayed. Look at him! Does it look like my prayers have been answered?"

Esme got up and stood next to Emmett. "God does answer our prayers. He may not always give us the answers we expect, but He does listen and answer. Edward will come back to us. He has to."

I didn't know where Esme had suddenly found her inner strength, but I wished I was feeling that strong. I felt anything but strong.

Emmett and I spent another sleepless night at Edward's bedside. His nurse checked him every hour, but there was no improvement. In fact, it had gotten worse; his ICP had gone up during the night.

Jessica was his nurse again in the morning. I noticed the strange look on her face when she checked Edward's chart and the machines.

"What's wrong? It's bad, isn't it?" I asked worriedly.

Jessica nodded. "His pressure is dangerously high. I'm going to page Dr. Snow right now. This isn't good at all."

As Jessica rushed out to page the doctor, I sat next to Edward's bed and cried. Emmett didn't say a word; he just stared at the ceiling. We both knew what was coming.

Dr. Snow practically ran into the room, closely followed by Jessica. He too read over Edward's chart and shook his head several times. Turning to Jessica, he said, "I'm going to need an OR stat. Page Dr. Cullen and have him meet me." Jessica rushed out of the room again, and Dr. Snow spoke to Emmett and me. "Edward's intracranial pressure is extremely high. If I don't go in right now, we could lose him. I'm not going to lie to you. The odds aren't very good right now. You need to prepare for the worst but hope for the best."

The doctor's words cut through me like a knife. I didn't want to prepare for the worst; I wanted my Edward back. I felt like my heart was being ripped in two and that I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. I was as helpless as ever as he was quickly taken to surgery.

Emmett went to call Rosalie while I sat in the waiting room and cried. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. Edward was dying; I was certain of it. How could he possibly survive another brain surgery when he was already so fragile?

Emmett came into the waiting room and plopped down next to me. He rubbed his eyes before he spoke. "Rose is going to call everyone and let them know. She and Mom are on their way." He looked down at his feet. "Damn this sucks! How much more does he have to go through before this nightmare ends?"

I couldn't respond; I was crying too hard. Just a couple of minutes later I heard someone say my name softly. I looked up to see Charlie standing in front of me.

"Dad? What are you doing here? How did you get here so fast?" I asked him.

Charlie sat down and took my hand. "I was still at home when Rosalie called, so I rushed right over. How are you holding up?"

"Oh, Dad, what am I going to do?" I sobbed. "Edward is my life. I can't go on if I lose him. I'll never make it on my own."

"Bells, you'll never be alone," Charlie assured me as he pulled me into a hug. "No matter what happens, we'll be here for you." He paused. "You know I love Edward like a son, and I don't want anything to happen to him. I have a lot of confidence in Dr. Snow, and I know he'll take good care of Edward."

"How can you be so confident?" I asked through my tears.

"You forget what line of work I'm in," Charlie reminded me. "I've seen some horrible things that have actually had happy endings. Oh believe me, I'm scared right now, but I have a feeling it's going to work out. It may not be easy, but anything worth fighting for never is."

I looked up at my dad and smiled a little. "When did you get so philosophical?"

Charlie chuckled. "I'm your dad. It's what I'm supposed to do."

"Thanks, Dad," I said, and he kissed me on top of my head.

Charlie continued to comfort me as the rest of our family arrived. I think everyone was still in shock over Edward's latest surgery. We had just gone through this two days ago, and I couldn't believe we were doing it again. The wait was agonizing.

Thankfully this surgery didn't last as long as the first. Dr. Snow and Carlisle came out of the OR after just three and a half hours.

Emmett jumped up. "What happened? Is Edward OK?"

"He made it through," Dr. Snow said. "We had to remove the necrotic brain tissue, though, to get the swelling down."

"Wait, you removed brain tissue? You took out part of his brain?!" Emmett yelled. "What the hell did you do to him?!"

"Emmett," Carlisle said sharply. "You need to keep your voice down. If you would just listen for a minute, Dr. Snow will explain."

Emmett reluctantly sat down, and Dr. Snow continued. "Necrotic tissue is dead tissue. It no longer functions. Unfortunately, necrotic tissue absorbs more fluid and causes swelling. Removing it alleviates the pressure inside the skull. Since the tissue is dead, removal doesn't impair brain function."

"Is he going to be OK? Is he going to come out of the coma?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"I wish I could give you a straight answer, but I can't," Dr. Snow replied. "He is still in a coma. I'm going to keep him on the steroids and the mannitol for at least 24 more hours. I'm hoping that we'll see some kind of improvement once the swelling subsides. He'll be in recovery for a few hours, and you can see him once he's back in ICU."

Dr. Snow left us, and we all tried to absorb the news he had just given us. He seemed confident, which gave me a glimmer of hope.

Carlisle looked around the waiting room with a start. "Where's Elizabeth?" he asked.

"She's at school," Esme replied.

"School? Why?" Carlisle pressed.

Esme gave him a confused look. "Why wouldn't she be at school?"

"She should be here," Carlisle stated firmly.

"Now, Carlisle, she needs some kind of normalcy. Just let her be," Esme said.

"Edward is in critical condition. She should be here with the family instead of at school," Carlisle insisted.

"She's only 14. She needs to deal with it in her own way," Esme told him. "I think going to school and being with her friends is the best thing for her."

Carlisle let the subject drop, but he seemed angry. It surprised me because I had never seen him act that way before.

It was early afternoon before Edward was moved from recovery to ICU and we were able to see him. Carlisle took Esme, Emmett, and me in there first. Edward had looked terrible before, but now it was even worse. His face had swelled to at least twice its normal size. Even if he had been conscious, he wouldn't have been able to open his eyes. They were swollen shut, and there was more bruising. He was still on the vent, and he still had the shunt in his head.

"My poor baby," Esme said softly. "He's been through so much."

"I hope things get better from here," I said. "This has been torture. I don't know how much more any of us can take."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "He's not out of the woods yet, but hopefully the worst is behind him. I'm just worried about possible brain damage. He's going to have some damage from the stroke, but I don't know how extensive it will be."

"Do you think therapy will help?" I asked.

"It will help some, but it depends on how much brain damage he's suffered. We won't know anything until he comes out of the coma. Basically, it's a wait and see situation right now."

After a while, Alice and Jasper and my parents came in to see Edward. Emmett left to go home and sleep before coming back to spend the night. My mom wanted me to do the same.

"Bella honey, why don't you let me take you home so you can get some rest. You look exhausted," Renee said.

"I'm fine, Mom. I can't leave Edward. He needs me."

"Edward needs you to be healthy," Renee replied. "You're doing yourself more harm than good by not sleeping. I'll bet you haven't been eating either."

"I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here," I insisted.

"Bella, Renee is right," agreed Carlisle. "Go home for a while, eat something, and get some sleep. You'll feel a lot better."

"I don't want to go home!" I exclaimed. "I want to be here with Edward!"

Carlisle sighed. "Then you leave me with no choice. If you won't go home, I'll admit you and start you on an IV." He saw the look on my face and put his hand on my shoulder. "Bella, you're going to make yourself sick. You have to take care of yourself. Just go home for a while and rest. You can come back later. You know that Edward would be upset if he saw you like this."

Damn, he had to play the Edward card! "OK, but I'm coming back to spend the night," I relented. I kissed Edward on the cheek and reluctantly followed my mom out of the room.

Renee and I were silent during the drive home, for which I was grateful. I was definitely not in a talking mood. I felt guilty for leaving Edward even though I knew Renee and Carlisle were right. I did need to take care of myself, but I also needed to take care of Edward. He needed me more.

The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was take a shower. My mom went to the kitchen and started opening cabinets.

"Can I fix you something to eat?" she asked.

I cringed because my mom was a terrible cook. I had done all the cooking when I lived at home, and I don't know how she and Charlie survived without me. "Actually, Mom, there's some soup in the freezer. Would you mind getting that out?"

Renee found the bowl of soup in the freezer and began to heat it while I headed for the bathroom. I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and stood under the shower, letting it beat on my tired body. I stayed in there until the water ran cold. I threw on some comfortable clothes and went to the kitchen to eat. Renee had a steaming bowl of soup waiting for me.

"Mom, you really don't have to stay. I'm OK," I told her.

"I just hate to leave you alone," Renee replied worriedly.

"I'm fine, Mom. I promise," I assured her. The last thing I wanted was my mother hovering over me. I knew she meant well, but I just wanted to be alone.

"Oh, all right. I'll be at the hospital if you need me." She hugged me and left.

When I was finished eating, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I always hated sleeping without Edward. I didn't like when he worked nights and I had to sleep alone. I was so tired, though, that I didn't care. It was 5:00, so I set the alarm for 9:00. I wanted to get back to the hospital before it got too late. I think I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

When my alarm went off, I awoke feeling refreshed. I decided to grab a few things before going back to the hospital: Edward's iPod and speakers, his favorite blanket from the back of the sofa, and a few photos. I thought that having some familiar things in his hospital room might help Edward.

Emmett was alone with Edward when I got to the hospital. "Everyone went home for the night," he explained. "It's just the three of us, but Edward hasn't been much company." I laughed, and Emmett continued. "Did you get any sleep? Feel any better?"

I nodded. "I feel so much better now. I didn't want to go home, but it seems it was exactly what I needed. I also brought some of Edward's stuff so it would feel more like home."

"That's a great idea. Maybe having it here will help," Emmett said as I set up the iPod and heard the familiar strains of "Claire de Lune" fill the room.

I covered Edward with his blanket, and Emmett and I settled in for the night. Somehow we managed to get some sleep even though Edward's nurse still came in every hour to check on him.

Wednesday, thankfully, was an uneventful day. Edward's intracranial pressure was almost back to normal, and Dr. Snow seemed hopeful that he could remove the shunt soon. Our family came and went throughout the day as we waited for Edward to wake up.

I was alone with Edward on Thursday morning when Esme arrived. She looked very upset, and I had a feeling it had nothing to do with Edward.

"Esme, what's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she quickly replied as she sat down next to Edward's bed. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again, so softly that I almost didn't hear her. "Carlisle and Elizabeth got into an argument this morning."

I was surprised because Elizabeth never talked back to Carlisle and Esme. "What happened?"

Esme explained. "Carlisle's been upset with her because she hasn't been here to see Edward. He brought it up this morning, and Elizabeth said she didn't want to see Edward as long as he was in a coma. Carlisle told her she was being selfish, and she said she didn't care and she wouldn't go to the hospital. Then they began yelling at each other. It was terrible. Carlisle has never raised his voice like that with any of our children. Elizabeth finally left for school, but she was crying." Esme was crying as well by now. "I've been trying to give her some space so she can deal with this in her own way, but I guess I've gone about it all wrong."

"Esme, you haven't done anything wrong," I assured her. "It's hard enough being a teenager without having to deal with a comatose brother. I'm sure she'll come around soon. Bitt and Edward are too close for her to stay away too long."

"I hope so," Esme said. "I hate seeing my children hurt and know that I can't do anything about it."

Esme and I were alone most of the day. Emmett had returned to work, and Rosalie had only been able to stop by for a short time. Carlisle, of course, had stopped in several times throughout the day. Neither he nor Esme had mentioned anything about the argument.

Esme had just left late that afternoon when I heard the door to Edward's room open. I fully expected to see Esme coming back for something, so I was surprised when I realized it was Elizabeth standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" she asked in a small voice.

"Sure," I replied, but Elizabeth didn't move. I walked over and hugged her. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Are you mad at me?" she wanted to know.

"Of course not," I told her honestly.

"I just couldn't do it. I couldn't see him like this," Elizabeth said. "If I didn't have to see him then it wouldn't be real. I guess you heard what happened with my dad."

I nodded. "Your mom told me. It's OK. I knew you'd be here eventually."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," sobbed Elizabeth as she clung to me for dear life. "What if he had died without me seeing him? He's my big brother. He's always supposed to be there for me. He's not supposed to get sick like this."

"I know, sweetie, I know," I said, trying to comfort her. "I don't understand it either. I keep waiting for him to wake up."

"Can I see him?" she asked.

I led Elizabeth to the bed, and she gasped at the sight of Edward. She threw herself on Edward's chest and began sobbing uncontrollably. I rubbed her back in an effort to calm her, but she was inconsolable.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry," she cried. "I miss you so much, and I'm sorry I waited so long to see you. Don't die, Edward. Don't freaking die. I love you. Please don't die."

Elizabeth was still crying hysterically when Carlisle entered the room. "Elizabeth Anne?" he asked, surprised.

Elizabeth looked up at Carlisle, her green eyes wide. "Dad, I'm sorry. I-"

Carlisle interrupted her. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I should have listened to you. We should have talked this out. I hope you're still not angry with me."

Elizabeth responded by running over to her father. Carlisle embraced her, and I knew their argument was over. I quietly slipped out of the room so they could have some time alone with Edward.

The next day brought even more good news. The pressure inside Edward's head was back to normal, so Dr. Snow removed the shunt. Esme, Emmett, and I stood there and watched while Carlisle assisted. I realized this would be the first time I would see Edward's head since his surgeries. I was a little nervous because I wasn't sure what to expect.

Dr. Snow removed the bandages, and I gasped a little at the sight. Edward's beautiful hair was gone. I knew his head had to be shaved for surgery, but it was still a shock. He had a large incision on the right side of his head beginning just above his ear and curving up to the top of his head. The incision for the second operation had obviously been made over the first one. It was still raw looking, especially with the staples still in place. Dr. Snow slowly removed the shunt from the top of Edward's head before stitching up his scalp and bandaging his head again.

Unfortunately, Edward was still on the ventilator. Dr. Snow had tried to remove it without success. He said he would try again on Monday.

Our family spent most of the weekend at the hospital. I actually went home for a while on both Saturday and Sunday since I knew Edward wouldn't be alone. I returned at night, though, and slept in the uncomfortable rollaway bed next to Edward.

I was awakened on Monday morning by a very excited Esme. "Bella, he's waking up!" she said. "Edward's waking up!"

At first I thought I was dreaming. I jumped up and ran to Edward's side and realized that it was really happening. Edward's still-bruised eyelids fluttered a couple of times before opening completely and revealing the gorgeous green eyes I had missed for so long.

**A/N: To all my "Strangely Convenient Passion" fans, don't worry. I haven't abandoned the story! I will try to update soon!**


	5. Chapter 5Grace

**OK, OK, I'm finally updating! I hope y'all like this one. As many of you know, this took me a long time because of some stuff with school and life. I appreciate you sticking by me and waiting around. I must warn you--have the tissues ready! You will need them! Now I have to thank several people.**

**To my amazing beta, Bittenev. You are totally awesome! Thanks for helping me whip this chapter into shape. Thanks also for being a good friend. You are the best!**

**To my BBFF, Dolle. I love you so very much. You know what I went through with this chapter. Thanks for making me laugh and being there when I cry. You are the wind beneath my wings.**

**To my fan club over at Twilighted. You ladies are the best! Thanks so much for all of your love and support. It means the world to me.**

**The song for this chapter is "Grace" by Jeff Buckley. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I am owned by my cats.**

**Chapter 5—Grace**

EPOV

I must have been asleep for a long time because when I opened my eyes, everything was a little fuzzy. I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes with my left hand, but I couldn't move it. I tried again with my right hand but felt a small tug when I lifted it. That was strange.

I noticed some other strange things. I had a headache, and my face felt funny. I had a tube down my throat. What was up with that? I obviously wasn't in my own bed. It was small, the sheets were rough, and there were bars on the side. I could hear beeping noises as well. It finally dawned on me that I was in a hospital.

Crap! Why was I in the hospital? What happened? I couldn't remember anything. What was going on?

Then I looked up and saw my mom and Bella on either side of the bed. They were both crying, happy tears I presumed by the smiles on their faces. I wanted to ask them what was going on, but I couldn't because of the stupid tube down my throat.

"Edward, you came back to me," Bella said through her tears. "I've missed you so much."

Came back to her? Missed me so much? What the hell had happened to me? Why couldn't I remember?

I heard more voices and recognized one of them as my dad's. He approached my bed along with another doctor, Dr. Snow. Yeah, Snow, that was it. He was a neurologist. Wait. Why was a neurologist here to see me? This couldn't be good.

Dr. Snow spoke to me. "It's good to see you awake, Edward. I just want to examine you."

It was good to be awake. And yeah, sure, he could examine me. What was I going to do? Tell him no?

First he shined a light in my eyes. It was quick and mostly painless.

"Edward, I want you to move your fingers," Dr. Snow requested. I could do that. When I did it, though, I noticed that he and my dad frowned.

"OK, now I want you to wiggle your toes," Dr. Snow said. I wiggled them, but Dr. Snow still looked a bit concerned.

"All right, Edward, can you squeeze Bella's hand?" I felt Bella's small, warm hand in mine and gave it a quick squeeze. Bella's beautiful face lit up. I would have smiled too if I could.

Dr. Snow continued. "Now squeeze your mother's hand." I wasn't holding my mom's hand. How was I supposed to squeeze it? Then I looked over at my mom and saw her holding my left hand. Why couldn't I feel her hand in mine? This really wasn't good.

My dad and Dr. Snow exchanged glances before my dad sat down on the edge of my bed. He put his hand on my leg and sighed. I had a feeling that whatever he was about to tell me was pretty bad.

"Edward, do you remember the night of the party?" he asked me. "Squeeze Bella's hand if you do."

Party? What was he talking about? My dad must have noticed the confused look on my face.

"You don't remember the engagement party for you and Bella at our house?" Carlisle asked.

An engagement party? For Bella and me? At my parents' house? I remembered that Bella and I were engaged, but I didn't remember a party.

Carlisle nodded. "Do you remember being sick? Dizzy spells? Headaches?"

Did I remember being sick? Headaches? I used to get migraines, but I hadn't had one in a long time. I knew I wasn't here because of a migraine, though.

"Edward, there was a party for you and Bella eight days ago," Carlisle said. "You talked to me during the party because you hadn't been feeling well. I was going to send you for an MRI the following morning, but you passed out that night while you were still at the house. You also suffered a seizure and had trouble breathing."

Oh shit. Something was definitely wrong. Carlisle looked at Dr. Snow and nodded. Dr. Snow cleared his throat. I was truly afraid of what he was going to say.

Dr. Snow began. "Edward, you've been in a coma for the last eight days. You collapsed at the party because of a brain hemorrhage. We discovered an arteriovenous malformation in your brain. The AVM ruptured which led to the hemorrhage and caused you to have a stroke."

Coma? Brain hemorrhage? Stroke? What the hell was he talking about? Why couldn't I remember any of this?

Dr. Snow went on. "We had to perform two craniotomies. The first surgery was the night you were brought in. We had to remove the AVM and stop the bleeding. Your brain kept swelling, though, so we went back in two days later. We had to remove the necrotic brain tissue to help relieve the swelling. We also had to put in a shunt to monitor the swelling and drain fluid and blood."

Did he really just tell me that I had had two brain surgeries? I had an AVM? My brain was swelling so much that he had to take out dead tissue? He actually took out part of my brain? This was getting crazier by the minute.

"Your left side is paralyzed as a result of the stroke," Dr. Snow said. "We obviously won't know how much your speech was affected until you're off the vent, which I'll try to remove shortly. You were still having some breathing problems when we took you off of it a few days ago, so we had to intubate again."

I was paralyzed, partially blind, unable to breathe on my own, and possibly unable to speak. I was a prisoner in my own body. My brain, my whole body, had betrayed me. Why couldn't I have just died? Why the hell had this happened to me? What kind of life was I going to have now?

"How does your head feel? Do you have a headache?" Dr. Snow asked.

My head was pounding. Apparently a brain hemorrhage and two surgeries do that to you. I squeezed Bella's hand.

"OK, I'll have the nurse get you something for the pain," Dr. Snow replied. "I'm going to give you some time to rest, but I'll be back soon to remove that vent." He left the room, leaving me with my parents and Bella.

"Edward, I know this is difficult for you to take in, but we are going to be here for you every step of the way," my father said in what was supposed to be a reassuring tone.

Difficult? That was an understatement. This was a living hell. I knew my family would stand by me, but they couldn't make me whole again. Now I'd just be a burden to them. I'd be dependent on them for everything. This wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live. Hell, at this point I didn't even _want_ to live.

Carlisle was still speaking. "Once you're off the vent, we'll start getting you out of bed. We'll get you up and around in a wheelchair, and you'll start therapy within a week or so."

Ooooh, a wheelchair. I couldn't wait for that. And therapy—that would be exciting. Relearning everything that my stroke had destroyed sounded like so much fun.

Bella took my hand in hers and kissed it. "I'm glad you're awake," she said. "I promise we'll get through this."

My beautiful Bella. How could I do this to her? I didn't want her to be my nurse. She was going to be my wife, my partner. I'm sure when she agreed to marry me she never thought she'd be pushing me in a wheelchair or changing my diapers.

I groaned internally. Bella and I were supposed to get married. I couldn't marry her now. She deserved better. I could never be a proper husband to her. She was too young to deal with me and my baggage. I knew Bella too well, though. She'd insist on caring for me, and she'd be stuck with a handicapped husband who'd never be able to take care of her.

Yeah, dying would have been better than this. It would have devastated my family, but it would be better than having me around as an invalid. Bella could get on with her life and find a man who could take care of her. I knew that brain hemorrhages were fatal in many cases. Not mine. I was one of the "lucky" ones. I had to survive this.

The door opened, and a way too perky nurse came in carrying a syringe. "Good morning, Dr. Cullen," she said cheerfully. "I have something to help with your headache. I know you just woke up, but this is going to make you sleepy. Just relax." She injected the pain medicine into my IV tube, and I soon felt myself becoming groggy. Before long, I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up, Bella was sitting next to my bed, holding my hand. My parents weren't in the room, and I obviously couldn't ask where they were. I didn't know how long I had slept, but I figured it had been a couple of hours.

"Your dad is doing rounds, and your mom went to get something to eat," Bella said as if she could read my mind. "Emmett's going to come by later, and everyone else will be here after work. Elizabeth is going to be so excited to see you awake."

I hated the idea of my baby sister seeing me like this. I was supposed to be the protective big brother. I wasn't supposed to have a stroke. It was too late to worry, though, because I was pretty sure she had already seen me.

"I wish there was something I could do or say to make this better," Bella continued. I'm here, Edward. I'll always be here. Things are going to work out."

I knew it. I knew she wouldn't leave me. Yet another reason why I wished I was dead. I couldn't bear the thought of being a burden to the woman I loved.

I dozed on and off throughout the day. It amazed me that I could be tired after being in a coma, but I was. I was awakened at one point by voices. I opened my eyes and saw my dad and Dr. Snow. Well, I saw them as best I could considering I couldn't see much out of my left eye.

Dr. Snow smiled. "All right, Edward. Let's get you off of this vent." He removed the tape from my face. "OK Edward, I want you to take a deep breath then let it out."

I did just as he said. When I breathed out, Dr. Snow pulled the tube out. I coughed and choked a bit and my throat felt raw, but I was so glad to be rid of that stupid tube. I wanted to try and talk, but my throat hurt too much.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Snow asked. I nodded a little to let him know I was OK. He listened to my chest with his stethoscope. "Good breath sounds. I'll have the nurse bring you some ice chips to help your throat, and we'll try to give you some liquids later to see if you're able to swallow."

Bella looked a little alarmed. "What do you mean if he's able to swallow?"

"A stroke can affect the muscles in the throat and make swallowing difficult," Dr. Snow replied. "Therapy will help if it's a problem, but we would have to insert a feeding tube in the meantime."

"You'd have to put another tube down his throat?" Bella asked.

Dr. Snow shook his head. "The tube would be surgically inserted directly into the stomach." He obviously noticed the shocked look on Bella's face. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Hopefully it won't even be necessary."

In a way I hoped it would be necessary. Maybe I wouldn't survive the surgery. No, that wouldn't happen. I had already lived through two brain surgeries. This would be nothing. Damn.

I decided to try to speak, to let them know how I felt, but my throat hurt. The only noise I made sounded like a wounded animal.

My dad patted my hand. "Don't try to talk, son. Let your throat heal. There will be plenty of time to talk later."

Plenty of time. Yeah, there would be plenty of time for me to lie around and be an invalid. I had only been conscious for a few hours, and I was already fucking miserable. I knew I had better start getting used to it, though. Yeah, what a life.

Bella was feeding me ice chips later that afternoon when Rosalie and Elizabeth came in. "Edward!" Elizabeth cried out as she sprinted across the room, threw herself on top of me, and hugged me tightly.

"Elizabeth, don't tackle your brother," my mom scolded, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"Why didn't you tell me he was awake?" Elizabeth demanded as she turned to face Rosalie, hands on her hips. "I can't believe you kept this from me!"

Rosalie unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. "Sorry, Bitt. I guess I didn't want to miss this."

"I suppose I can forgive you," Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. "Oh Edward, I've got so much to tell you!"

"Go easy on him, Elizabeth. He just woke up," my mom told her.

Rosalie laughed again before she leaned down to hug me. "Sorry to inflict your overeager little sister on you. I'm so glad you're finally awake, though. We've been so worried. Emmett can't wait to get here, but he's tied up at work. He's already called me twice cursing because he can't get away. He's so mad that he's spent so much time here, and you woke up while he was gone."

Leave it to Emmett to be mad over something like that. I wasn't surprised that he had spent a lot of time here at the hospital. Emmett, Elizabeth, and I were the Three Amigos. We were extremely close. That's one of the reasons this was so difficult for me. I felt like I was letting them down.

Bitt sat in the chair next to me and began prattling on about anything and everything. "Softball tryouts are next week, and I think I can make varsity. You're gonna have to come to all of my games!"

I opened my mouth to try and say something, but nothing came out. Elizabeth stared at me with a confused look on her face.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked before turning towards Bella, Rose, and my mom. "What's the matter with Edward?"

My mom put her arm around Elizabeth and tried to sound confident. "Come on, dear; let's go find your father."

Elizabeth shook Mom's arm away. "No. I want to know what's wrong." No one said anything. "Tell me," Elizabeth demanded.

My mother sighed and put her arm around Bitt again. "Elizabeth honey, your father told you that Edward would have some kind of damage from the stroke."

"You told me he probably wouldn't be able to walk!" Elizabeth shot back. "Why can't he talk? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't know the extent of the damage until Edward woke up," Esme replied.

"You could have told me all the possibilities, but you didn't! You lied to me!" cried Elizabeth. "Why didn't you tell me? Why? I'm not a little girl! I can handle the truth!"

Watching my baby sister getting so worked up only succeeded in upsetting me. This was why I wanted to die. It killed me to see her hurting so much.

"Edward, are you OK?" Bella's concerned voice broke into my thoughts. It was only then that I realized that my heart was racing. The heart monitor was beeping like crazy, so Bella knew that something was wrong. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths.

"I'll have Carlisle paged," Rosalie said. Bella nodded, and Rose slipped out of the room.

My mom was still trying to calm Elizabeth, who was sobbing hysterically. Bella held my good right hand in both of hers in an attempt to comfort me.

"It's OK, Edward," Bella said soothingly. "Just stay calm. It's going to be OK."

Stay calm? Easy for Bella to say. She wasn't the one lying in the bed damaged and broken. I knew she loved Bitt fiercely, but it wasn't her sister crying hysterically. I could feel the tears in my eyes, and I closed them in an attempt to keep them at bay. I knew it wouldn't help matters at all if I cried.

Rose came back into the room with Carlisle on her heels. "What's going on?" Carlisle asked as calmly as possible.

"You lied!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "You didn't tell me Edward would be this bad! Why? Why did you lie?"

"Elizabeth, no one lied to you. We honestly didn't know what Edward's condition would be like until he came out of the coma. I couldn't tell you everything because I just didn't know," explained Carlisle. He then turned to me. "Edward, you can't get worked up like this. It's not good for you to get your heart rate and your blood pressure up. How's your head? Do you need anything for pain?"

I nodded. My head was killing me, and my neck and shoulders hurt too. I knew my father was right, but I couldn't help but get worked up when I saw how upset Elizabeth was. I wished there was something he could give me to take away my heartache.

Carlisle smiled a little and put his hand gently on my shoulder. "OK, I'll get you something. Now promise me you'll relax. We need to get you strong enough for therapy and your brain still needs some time to heal." Then he looked at Elizabeth. "I'm afraid I've seriously underestimated you," he told her. "It looks like my little girl is a lot tougher than I thought. I think we should talk."

Elizabeth's tears were still flowing, but she nodded and followed Carlisle out of the room. Esme kissed me on my forehead before she left to join them.

Bella sat in the chair next to me and rubbed her eyes. Rosalie put her arm around Bella reassuringly.

"Bells, why don't you go home and rest," Rose suggested. "I'm going to be here for a while, and Emmett should be here soon."

Bella sighed. "Rose, you know how I feel about leaving Edward. I really don't want to leave him now that he's awake," she said as the nurse came in with my pain medication.

"Somehow I don't think he's going to even notice that you're gone," Rose replied with a small giggle as the nurse injected my medicine.

"I'm not going anywhere right now," Bella said as she took my hand and kissed it. "I'm happy right where I am."

I smiled weakly. I couldn't manage much more. I was tired, and the pain meds were kicking in. Bella continued to hold my hand as I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting at my bedside. I looked for Bella, but she wasn't there.

Rose seemed to know who I was looking for. "Bella will be back soon. She went home to eat and rest." I nodded in response. "Do you need anything?" Rose asked. "How about some ice?"

I nodded again. My throat was so raw and sore. Rose gave my hand a quick squeeze before she left.

"It's about time, sleepyhead," Emmett grumbled. "I was starting to think you weren't going to wake up as long as I was here." He paused for a moment. "Dad told me everything. This sucks." Emmett ran his hand through his hair, something we both did when we were anxious. "You scared the shit out of me, Edward. I was there for everything, when you passed out, when you had that seizure, when they had to take you to surgery twice. I've never felt so helpless in my life."

I knew Emmett would feel this way. Even though he was barely a year older, he always felt the need to protect me. He took his role of big brother very seriously. If only I had someone to protect me from Emmett.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me. I just glared at him. "Yeah, I know, that was a stupid question. I guess you're feeling pretty crappy." He paused and ran his hand through his hair again. "Look, Edward, you know I don't have the same way with words as you do, but I have to tell you how I feel."

Oh great, Emmett was going to get all soft on me. Even my big brother was treating me with kid gloves.

"This has been a nightmare," Emmett said. "I've never been so scared, Edward, scared to death. Bitt and I need you here. Bella needs you. We all do. I've missed having my little brother around. I know, I'm probably acting like a girl, but it's all true. I don't care what happens. Our family needs you."

Wow, I was touched. I didn't realize Emmett could be so deep.

"You've got to get better. I still need to kick your ass at Guitar Hero."

And just like that, the Emmett I knew and loved was back.

The door opened, and Rose stuck her head in. "Hey, Edward? I found these two strange people out here. Is it OK to let them in?" she asked, smiling. She opened the door wider to reveal Jasper and Alice standing there.

"Oh my gosh, Edward, I'm so glad you're awake!" Alice shrieked. I didn't think the stroke had damaged my hearing, but Alice had probably just taken care of it.

"Geez, Alice, I think a few people down the street may have missed that," Jasper said sarcastically. Then he turned towards me. "Edward, man, it's so good to finally see you awake. You had us all pretty worried for a while."

Rose had my ice, and she sat next to my bed and fed it to me. It soothed my sore throat, but I wished for something to soothe the rest of me. I felt completely overwhelmed. I almost wished I could go back into my coma. It was the next best thing to dying.

Alice was on the other side of my bed holding my useless left hand. She was practically bouncing. "Oh Edward, this is so great!" she gushed. "I can't wait until you're up and around."

"Now, Alice, give him some time to recover," Jasper said. "We're not going to be out running a marathon or anything for a while."

"I know that," Alice replied, exasperated. "Things aren't going to be easy, but we'll have our Edward back soon. I know it's going to take time, but everything will work out in the end."

I had learned when we were kids not to bet against Alice. It was almost as if she had some kind of sixth sense. I just hoped she was right this time. I would most certainly find a way to die before I would live like this.

Bella finally returned a short time later. I was so relieved that she was back. I didn't want her to have to deal with me in my current state, but I still loved her more than anything else in the world. Rose got up so Bella could sit next to me and continue to feed me my ice.

"I missed you," she whispered with a sweet smile.

How could she have missed me? It wasn't as if I was even good company or anything. I'm sure she missed the old me, the Edward who had been strong and whole. I hoped she wasn't here because of pity. I preferred death to anyone's pity.

Everyone was talking and fussing over me when Dr. Snow came in. He did a quick check of my vitals. "Everything looks good," he told me. "I want to keep you in ICU for another day, and if things are still fine tomorrow I'll move you to a regular room on Wednesday. I'll also do an MRI then to make sure things are healing properly. Get some rest and I'll see you in the morning."

Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice left not long after the doctor. I knew it wasn't very late, but I was exhausted. Bella covered me with a familiar-looking blanket before she turned on the iPod next to my bed.

"Sweet dreams," she said, kissing my cheek. "I'll be right here if you need me."

I drifted off to sleep pretty quickly. I knew that at least in my dreams I could be my old self again.

Tuesday passed much the same as Monday had. Bella and Mom spent the day with me, and my dad came in throughout the day. The rest of the family came by in the evening. Dr. Snow checked on me a few times and confirmed that I'd be moved out of ICU in the morning. I was able to swallow and keep things down, so he removed the IV. I was mainly on a diet of liquids and soft foods, but at least it was something.

I still felt useless and worthless. I still wanted to die. My family was just so damn happy that I was conscious. I couldn't imagine why. Watching me lie in bed was probably as exciting as watching paint dry. I knew that I wasn't having any fun.

Dr. Snow came into my room early Wednesday morning. "All right, Edward, you're going to be moving soon. Someone will be in to take you for your MRI in about an hour, and you'll be going to a regular room afterwards. Would you like something to help you relax during the MRI?"

I nodded. I'd take anything that would make me feel numb.

"Good, I'll have the nurse take care of that," Dr. Snow said. "I want to remove your bandages as well. The stitches and staples will have to stay in for a few more days."

I nodded again, and Dr. Snow removed the gauze that was covering my head. When the bandages were completely off, I felt a draft sweep across my scalp. That's when it hit me. My hair was gone. Shit.

After the doctor left, I tried to talk to Bella, but I couldn't form any coherent words. I just babbled, which made me more frustrated than I already was. I closed my eyes and groaned.

"It's OK, Edward," Bella said soothingly. "You can't expect everything to come back overnight. You'll talk again."

How the hell did she know? I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't bring myself to get my hopes up. I didn't want to set myself up for failure. What if I never got better, never improved? I was so scared, petrified really. What would happen to me if I never recovered?

The nurse came in and brought me a Valium, which I gratefully took. I was eager for anything that would make me forget about my current state. I couldn't even form any original thoughts. All I could think about was how damaged I was how I just wanted to die. I didn't even hear a word of what Bella was saying to me. What did it matter anyway?

I didn't know how much time had passed when the door opened and my dad came in pushing a wheelchair. "Good morning," he said cheerfully yet quietly. "Ready for that MRI?"

I nodded for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. I couldn't talk, so what else was I supposed to do. I did wonder, though, why my dad was bringing me down for my MRI. Oh well, it wasn't like I could question him.

Carlisle lowered the rail on the side of the bed and helped me get up. He had to swing my left leg over since I couldn't move it. Then he helped me stand and supported me until he got me in the wheelchair. I was exhausted, and it was probably only two feet from the bed to the wheelchair. My left leg dragged uselessly, and my right leg was weak from just lying around.

My dad talked to me the whole time on our way down to MRI, but I wasn't really paying attention. It wasn't as if we could have a conversation. I just sat there and stared straight ahead. It was also the best way to avoid seeing the faces of my colleagues. This was the first time I had been out and about. It was also the first time most people had seen me since the stroke. I'm sure it was quite a sight; poor paralyzed Dr. Cullen being pushed around in a wheelchair by his father. Yeah, that made me feel a lot better.

We made it down to the MRI room, and my dad and the tech helped me onto the table. The Valium was starting to kick in, so I was a little wobbly.

"I'll be in here with you the whole time," Carlisle said as he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and the tech positioned me for the scan.

The whole thing lasted about 45 minutes. I remained perfectly still because I couldn't really move much anyway. That made it a lot easier to get the pictures. The radiologist promised us she'd have the results later in the afternoon. Soon I was back in my wheelchair and headed to my new room.

Bella was waiting for us when we got there. She was sitting in a chair next to the bed reading. "Hey," she said, closing her book. "How did it go?"

"We won't have the results until later, but I'm sure they'll be fine," Carlisle replied. "Edward, do you want to get back in bed, or would you rather stay in the chair for a while?"

I pointed to the wheelchair. I was tired of lying around in the bed.

Carlisle smiled. "OK, I've got some patients to see, but I'll be back in a little while. Page me if you need me." Then he headed out.

"Your mom will be here shortly," Bella said. "She was going to pack a bag for you. I figured you'd be more comfortable in your own pajamas instead of the hospital gown. Although," she added with a wicked grin, "I do like the nice rear view."

She had to be kidding me. How on earth could she still find me attractive? Then I thought of something.

"S-s-s-see." It took nearly all my strength to utter that small word.

Bella looked confused. "What do you want to see, Edward?"

I pointed to my face. I wanted to know what I looked like. I was sure it wasn't attractive.

Bella opened the drawer of the bedside table. She pulled out a hand-held mirror, but she seemed hesitant to give it to me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, and Bella handed me the mirror. I was totally unprepared for what I saw.

My hair was completely gone. I had already figured that out, but it was a shock to see it. The incision for my surgeries had been made on the right side of my head. It was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. As a doctor I was used to seeing things like this, but there's something different when it's you you're looking at. When you're the one with the bald head and the ugly gash. There was a smaller incision on the top of my head which I presumed was from the shunt. I knew that in time my hair would grow back and cover my scars, but right now all I could think of was how I looked like a freak.

Then I looked at my face. It was slightly swollen, presumably from the surgeries and the medications I had been on. There were faded bruised around both of my eyes. My left eyelid drooped slightly, as did the left side of my mouth. It was horrible. I had never been particularly vain, but I suddenly became very self-conscious. I dropped the mirror, and surprisingly it didn't break when it hit the floor. I was hoping it would have shattered into a million pieces, just like my life had. My eyes began to burn with tears.

"Edward, are you OK?" Bella asked me. "Edward?"

I looked down at my hands, willing the tears in my eyes not to spill over. I felt Bella gently kiss the incision on my head before she lifted my chin so that she was looking right into my eyes.

"Edward, you will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Always." Tears were streaming down her face, and I finally allowed myself to cry.

"I-I…l-lo-," I stammered. Damn it, I hated not being able to talk.

"I know, Edward," Bella said gently. "I love you too."

Bella reached out and held me in her arms. I buried my face in her shoulder and cried. I cried for everything I had lost—my independence, my career, my ability to care for those I loved. I cried because I had no other way to express my feelings. I cried because I didn't want to live anymore. I would have been better off if I had died the night I had the hemorrhage. Now I was stuck in this nightmare, and my family was stuck along with me. I cried until I had no tears left.

Eventually I broke our embrace and sat up. I was feeling slightly embarrassed for my little outburst. Bella wiped away my remaining tears with her thumbs.

"Oh Edward, I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain," she said sadly. "It hurts me to see you hurt so much. I wish I knew why this happened. You've always been the strong one. I promise you, though, that I'll be strong for you." She placed her hand on my cheek, and I closed my eyes as I leaned into it.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I sat up again when the door opened and I heard someone say, "Bella? Is everything OK?" I looked up and saw my mother.

"It will be," Bella replied confidently.

"What happened?" Esme asked as she leaned over and picked up the mirror from the floor. She looked at me, then the mirror, before putting two and two together. "Oh!" she gasped as she realized I had just seen myself for the first time since the stroke.

Bella kissed me on the cheek. "It'll be OK," she assured Esme. "It's just going to take a little time."

Esme pulled me into a tight hug. "Edward, we all love you so much. We're going to take care of you and support you. You have nothing to worry about."

I certainly didn't doubt my family's love. The fact that they had been by my side from day one told me that. It was the taking care of me part that bothered me. I was a doctor. _I _was supposed to take care of people, not the other way around. Correction. I _had been_ a doctor. I was pretty sure I'd never return to medicine after this. Yet another reason to be miserable.

I was pretty tired by this point, which was something else I hated. Even the slightest activity wore me out. Bella helped me change into my own pajamas, and she was right about me being more comfortable. Then she and Esme got me into my bed, and I quickly fell asleep.

I was awake and alert when the rest of my family began showing up later that afternoon. Thankfully no one mentioned the way I looked except for Bitt, who said that my scar would give me "street cred." That led Emmett to question what was being taught in public schools nowadays.

Dr. Snow came in with my MRI results, and everything was normal. He explained that my therapy team would begin coming in the morning to assess me and my needs. I would begin therapy on Monday. I'd probably spend another month in the hospital before going home and moving on to outpatient therapy. I was looking forward to therapy, yet I wasn't. I wanted to be up and active again, but I was angry that I even had to go through it. Yeah, brain damage wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Sure enough, the therapists began showing up bright and early the next morning. I was evaluated by physical and occupational therapists. A speech therapist came as well, and I was taken for an eye exam to see what visual therapies I might need. It was exhausting.

I was back in my room later that afternoon in my wheelchair and Bella was sitting in the chair beside me when my mom came in.

"Hey, Esme," Bella greeted her. "Are you by yourself? Where's Elizabeth?"

Esme laughed. "She's with Emmett. She told me last night that Emmett was going to pick her up from school today because they had something important that they needed to do. Frankly, I'm a little scared. Who knows what kind of trouble those two are getting into."

We found out when they arrived a few minutes later. Mom, Bella, and I were shocked. Bitt's long hair had been cut short. Emmett, however, had no hair. His head was shaved completely bald.

"Is this the important thing you had to do?" asked Esme.

"Come on, Mom, I couldn't let Edward be the only bald guy in the family," Emmett replied. "I'm showing my support."

Then Bitt chimed in. "I couldn't shave my head, so I decided to cut my hair and donate it to Locks of Love. I'm showing my support too."

I sat there shocked. They had done this for me? I couldn't believe it. I actually got a little teary eyed.

Bitt noticed my expression. "We're the Three Amigos, remember? If it happens to one of us, it affects all of us. We love you, Edward," she said as she threw her arms around me.

Emmett, of course, joined in and yelled, "Group hug!" The three of us were laughing and crying, and I noticed Mom and Bella were doing the same.

When Emmett was finished crushing me, Bella asked him an important question. "Uh, Em, don't you think Rose is going to be a little upset with you?"

"Actually, I told her what I was doing, and she was behind me a hundred percent," he replied. "It was for Edward, so there was no way she could be upset."

"I'm proud of you, Emmett," Esme told him. "You too, Elizabeth. Cutting your hair for Locks of Love was a wonderful thing."

Bitt smiled. "Yeah, if Victoria Beckham can pull this haircut off, so can I. And hey, if I can help others, I'm all for it."

I ended up having a pretty good night. Rose, Renee, and Charlie came by, and everyone laughed and talked. They made fun of Emmett's new look, saying that all he needed was an earring and he could be Mr. Clean. I hadn't felt this normal since I'd woken up.

But the normalcy didn't last.

When I was moved from ICU, the catheter I had in my bladder had been removed. This led to a big problem. I had limited sensation in that part of my body, so I couldn't always tell when I had to pee. Then when I did realize I had to go, I had to find a way to let someone know. That was difficult since I couldn't talk. I had a few close calls, but I always made it on the bedpan in time.

On Friday morning, though, I didn't make it.

I was furious with myself. I was 26 years old, and my fiancée was in the bathroom cleaning me up after my little accident. Bella, however, was calm and patient. She helped me change into clean pajamas and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips when we were finished. She noticed my expression when she pulled back after kissing me.

"Edward, what's wrong? Please don't tell me you're upset over what just happened. There's no way you could have prevented it."

Of course I could have prevented it—if I had been whole or dead.

Bella wheeled me out of the bathroom. I noticed that the sheets on the bed had been changed. I looked down at my lap, too embarrassed to look at Bella.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, look at me," she said sternly. I did. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is not your fault."

I had no idea how Bella could treat me so normally, but I was glad she did. I didn't know what I had done to deserve this woman.

Bella was getting me settled in bed when Jasper came in. He was dressed casually in a sweatshirt and jeans. He hugged Bella then hugged me.

"So Jasper, is that what lawyers are wearing to work these days?" Bella asked him with a laugh.

"Actually, I took the day off," he replied. "I finally settled that big case I was working on, so I decided I needed a long weekend. I hadn't seen my buddy here for a while, and I wanted to spend some time with him. Is everything OK?"

"We're just having a rough morning, but it's going to be all right," Bella said. I was grateful she didn't say anything about my little accident. "Would you mind staying with Edward while I run some errands? I hate to do this, but I don't like leaving him alone."

Jasper smiled. "I don't mind at all. It'll give us lots of time to catch up."

Catch up? That was going to be a really one-sided conversation. Bella kissed me goodbye and left Jasper and me alone.

"How's it going?" Jasper asked me. "Are you feeling any better?"

Jasper looked at me intently. He could read me like an open book. "You can't fool me, Edward. You don't have to be able to talk for me to know something's wrong. I know you can't tell me, but I'll be here if you need me. You know that, don't you?"

I did know that. Jasper was my best friend, but he couldn't help me. I knew he'd be there, but what was he going to do? I could feel the tears in my eyes again. Why didn't anyone tell me that having a stroke would make me all weepy?

"Edward, what's wrong?" asked Jasper, looking extremely concerned.

I struggled to get the words out. "W-w-wan…d-die."

Jasper was muttering under his breath. "Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say." Then he yelled, "You want to die? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Die," I managed to say again.

"That stroke must have really fucked you up," Jasper said bluntly. "I'm not even going to pretend to know what you're going through, but I can't believe that you'd want to give up and die. The Edward I know would never give up so easily. The Edward I know would fight until his dying breath. Edward, you have so many people who love you and care about you, so why do you want to throw it all away? Fight for it! Just fight, dammit! You're never going to get any better if you give up. I want my best friend back."

I sat there silently as a few tears fell. I knew Jasper was right. I knew I was selfish for wanting to die. I felt so ashamed now. How could I do this to Bella? She had stayed by my side the entire time, taking care of me, loving me, and not caring about what had happened. She loved me unconditionally. I couldn't live without her. I wanted to be by her side forever. And then there was my family. They too had stuck by me. I thought about what Emmett and Bitt had done for me. Their gesture was one of the greatest gifts I had ever received. Thinking back to yesterday, the three of us laughing, crying, and hugging, made me realize how much I'd miss them and how upset they'd be if I did die. I guess the old saying was true. Life really was precious.

As if Jasper knew exactly what I was feeling, he pulled his chair in closer to the bed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Look, I didn't mean to upset you. But please Edward, don't give up. Be stubborn. Keep fighting."

I leaned back, closed my eyes, and sighed. Keep fighting. That's what I was going to have to do. I knew there would be days where I wanted to give up, days that I felt like I wanted to die, but I also knew now that I wouldn't go down without a fight.


	6. Chapter 6It's Not My Time

**Hello, dear readers! Thanks so much for your wonderful response to Chapter 5. I don't think you'll need tissues for this one, but that doesn't mean I won't cover any heavy issues. I hope you'll still like it.**

**As always, this wouldn't be possible without the help and support of several people. I have the most amazing beta ever, Bittenev. Thanks for making my words sound even better and for being a friend. Love ya! I have an awesome BBFF who has supported this story from day one. I love you, Dolle! Special thanks to the great upthedownslide for helping me with some of the technical aspects. All of these ladies are amazing writers, and I encourage you to check out their stories!**

**The song for this chapter is "It's Not My Time" by 3 Doors Down.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I have a broken streetlight that doesn't come on at twilight. **

**Chapter 6—It's Not My Time**

EPOV

The weekend had passed by in a blur, and it was now Sunday night. Bella was sitting next to me in my bed. We didn't have much room, but that didn't matter. I needed to be near her. My head rested on her shoulder, and she massaged my scalp. It relaxed me tremendously.

I had been in a better state of mind ever since Jasper had reamed me out Friday morning. His verbal ass kicking was exactly what I needed. I wasn't spewing sunshine and rainbows yet, but I now realized that I needed to fight in order to get better and move on with my life. I owed it to myself and the people I loved. I wanted my life back, and I was going to have to work for it.

Dr. Snow had removed the staples from my incision Friday afternoon. I didn't look as Frankensteinish now, but I was still very self-conscious. Luckily my family never said anything about it.

I had lots of visitors over the weekend, which boosted my spirits somewhat. My family was with me, of course, and several of my co-workers came by. Angela and Ben spent Saturday evening with us, and Bitt even brought her best friend Stephanie for a while. It was great to see everyone, and I appreciated the fact that they still treated me normally.

Probably the best part of the weekend, though, was taking a shower earlier that afternoon. The shower in my room had a seat, so I was able to be in there on my own. It was so relaxing to just sit and let the hot water beat on me. Emmett and Bella helped me get in and out, and I found a way to get Emmett all wet. Bella and I thought it was hysterical, of course, and even Emmett had to laugh.

Even though the weekend had been a good one, I wasn't entirely happy. I was starting therapy in the morning, which meant that Bella would be going back to work. I would be gone all day, so it made no sense for her to sit around. She also wanted to save some of her time off for when I was released from the hospital. Since I'd be returning to my room for a while during the day to eat lunch and rest, Bella made sure I wouldn't be alone. My mom, Rose, and Alice were going to take turns coming by to help me and keep me company.

Bella stopped rubbing my head and sighed. "I really don't want to, but I supposed I'd better be going. We both have work in the morning." She smiled weakly.

"No," I told her, giving her my best sad puppy dog look. I knew she had to go, but I didn't want her to leave.

She laughed at my expression. "Edward, you're killing me. You know I'd rather be here with you, but we really do need to get some sleep. I know you've got to be exhausted."

I was. Dr. Snow had told me that I'd feel tired for several weeks after my surgeries, and he was right. Sometimes just going from the bed to the wheelchair was enough to tire me out. I wanted to sleep, but I wanted Bella to stay.

Bella helped me use the bedpan, and then she got me tucked into bed. I could tell that she was trying very hard not to cry.

"Oh, Edward, I really don't want to go," she said as a few tears escaped. "I promise I'll be here tomorrow as soon as I can."

I nodded. I understood. It was like all those times I had to work nights. I hated leaving Bella like that, just like she hated leaving me now.

Bella gave me a quick kiss on my scar and a longer kiss on my lips before she left. I fell asleep quickly and had sweet dreams about my beautiful Bella.

I woke up early the next morning, actually eager to get started with therapy. I was anxious to get up and moving again. My dad came in while I was eating breakfast.

"Good morning. Are you ready for today?" he asked cheerfully. I nodded, and he smiled. "Good. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, Edward. Therapy is not going to be easy. You're going to be pushed farther than you've ever been pushed before. I know you, though, and I know that you're going to give it all you've got. Just keep a positive attitude no matter how hard it gets. You can do this."

I nodded again. I knew things wouldn't be easy. I had so much to overcome. I really wanted to get back to normal, so I was going to work my ass off to get there.

My dad helped me get dressed when I was finished eating. I didn't have too much of a problem putting my clothes on, a long-sleeved tee shirt and sweatpants, but my dad had to put my socks and shoes on for me. I couldn't get them on by myself, and there was no way I could tie my shoes. Once I was dressed and ready, my dad helped me into my wheelchair and I waited impatiently to go.

Soon the door opened and one of the largest men I had ever seen came in. "Good morning, Dr. Cullen," he said. "I'm Jake, your physical therapist. Are you ready to go?"

I nodded. I was more than ready. It was time to get my life back.

"Good luck," my dad called out as I was wheeled off.

Physical therapy was every bit as challenging as I thought it would be. Because I had been immobile for a while, I had begun to develop spasticity in my muscles. It really wasn't painful, but my muscles were a little stiff and sore. Jake put me through some stretching exercises to help with the spasticity and to regain my range of motion. I needed to work on that before I could use my affected arm and leg again.

After spending most of the morning with Jake, I met with my occupational therapist, Tanya. She actually took me back to my room, where we worked on tasks like getting from my bed to my wheelchair and back. We also did some exercises to help with my mobility.

Tanya left me at lunchtime, and my mom arrived shortly thereafter. "Hi, sweetie," she said, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "How was your morning?"

I smiled and pretended to wipe sweat from my brow. My mom laughed. "They worked you pretty hard, I guess, but I've got something here to make you feel better."

I noticed then the bag my mom was carrying. She pulled out a thermos bottle and a bowl and poured me some hot chicken soup. I closed my eyes and smiled.

"It's Bella's homemade soup," my mom said. "She's upset that she had to go back to work, so she wanted me to bring this by for lunch."

I had really missed Bella's cooking. She was an even better cook than my mom, not that I'd ever tell my mom that. Then again, I really couldn't tell my mom anything right now.

I enjoyed my lunch, and after I ate I found myself getting tired. My mom cleared away my tray, and I settled in for a quick nap before my afternoon therapy session.

Shortly after I woke from my nap, one of the assistants came to get me for speech therapy. My speech therapist was a young woman named Caitlin. She had done my evaluation last week. One of our concerns was aphasia, the ability to speak and comprehend language. Dr. Snow didn't think it would be a problem since my stroke affected the right side of my brain, and speech and language centers were in the left side. I didn't have problems understanding anyone, but I still couldn't speak.

"Hi, Edward," Caitlin greeted me. "I actually have some good news for you. As far as I can tell, you're not suffering from any type of aphasia. The paralysis is what's left you unable to speak, so that's what we need to work on. I think with time you'll be able to regain your speech."

Caitlin certainly did work me. I didn't care, though, because being unable to talk was killing me. I could learn to cope with everything else if I could just speak. To help ease some of my frustrations, she also gave me a small notebook so I could write what I wanted to say. That was going to make things a lot easier.

Bella hadn't arrived when I got back to my room, so I decided to just wait in my wheelchair. I knew she wouldn't be much longer. Sure enough, she got there just a few minutes after I did.

"Edward, I missed you so much," she said, literally dropping her things at the door before coming over to kiss me. "How was your day? Did you work hard?"

I smiled and nodded as I showed her my notebook. _This is going to make things much easier_, I wrote.

"Now why didn't we think of that?" Bella said as we both laughed.

_Today was hard but good. I'm ready to get my life back. I'm ready to be me again._

Bella kissed me again. "I'm glad. You do know that I love you no matter what, though."

_I know. So, how was your day?_

"Other than the fact that I missed you, it was pretty good," she replied. "My students were glad to have me back. I didn't realize how much I had missed them. Oh, no!" she suddenly gasped. "I hope you don't think I didn't like being here with you just because I missed them. You do know that I didn't want to be anywhere else."

I laughed. _I know, Bella. It's OK. Believe me, I'd rather be somewhere else._

"You will be, Edward, very soon," Bella assured me. I can't wait to have you home again. I was so lonely without you last night."

I hated the thought of my Bella being lonely. That's why I had to work hard at therapy. I wanted to get home to her.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Bella said. "Elizabeth stopped by my classroom today. She wants us to think positive thoughts because softball tryouts begin this afternoon."

Damn. Bitt had asked me before Christmas to help her train for softball season. Right now I couldn't even give her moral support. I hoped that Emmett was working with her. She really wanted to make the varsity squad, which was difficult for a freshman. Bitt was talented, though, and I had a feeling she'd make it.

Our family began to come by as the afternoon and evening passed. Renee came after dinner carrying a stack of papers.

"These are cards and drawings from my students," she explained. "When they heard that Dr. Edward was sick, they wanted to send you these."

Wow. I actually teared up a little when I saw what the kids had done. At the beginning of the school year, Renee had asked if I would come and read to her kindergarten class. The school was trying to bring in volunteers from the community, and Renee thought I'd be great. I wasn't as confident, but I figured I'd give it a shot. I ended up having a wonderful time. The kids were so cute and so eager. They were like little sponges, absorbing everything I told them. When I found out that the school auditorium had a piano, I asked Renee if I could play for the kids. She thought it would be fun, and the kids and I had a rousing sing along. Since then I tried to visit at least once a week, reading, playing, or just helping out in the classroom. One day I even ended up finger painting with the kids. This was yet another thing my stroke had fucked up.

_This is amazing, Renee,_ I wrote. _Please thank the kids for me and tell them that I miss them._

Renee nodded. "They miss you too. They obviously can't understand what happened, so I just told them you were sick. They can't wait for you to come back."

I frowned. I didn't know if I'd be able to visit the kids again this year. I'd probably scare the crap out of them if I showed up in my wheelchair with my freakish scars. Their cards and pictures did make me feel better, though. I'd have to get Bella to hang them around my room. They would definitely brighten the place.

My first day of therapy had exhausted me, and I got sleepy fairly early. Bella cried a little when she had to leave, which upset me. I hated to see her cry, and I really hated being the cause of her tears. I was going to push myself as hard as I could in therapy so I could be home with her soon.

I spent the next two days working my ass off in therapy. Jake continued to put me through my exercises, which were pretty grueling. Tanya and I worked on me relearning everyday tasks. I was getting better at going from the bed to the wheelchair, so now she had me moving from the wheelchair to the toilet. I couldn't wait to master that task because I hated using the bedpan. Speech therapy was tough, but Caitlin was patient with me. I had also started a new computer-based therapy to help with my vision loss. It was all physically and mentally draining, but I wasn't about to give up.

Bella and I were in my room Wednesday afternoon when my mom and Bitt came in. Bitt threw up her hands dramatically in the air and yelled, "I made it! I made varsity!"

Bella jumped up to hug Bitt, and I smiled and gave her a thumbs up. Bitt then came over to hug me.

"I'm the only freshman on varsity!" she exclaimed as she practically bounced. "Oh Edward, I hope you're home by the time the season starts. I want you at all of my games."

_I'll try, Bitt, but I can't promise you anything._

Bitt squeezed my hand. "I know." Then she jumped up. "Oh my gosh, I still have to find Dad and tell him, then I have to call Emmett and Rose, and I'm sure Alice will want to know, and I haven't told Stephanie yet, so I need to get moving!" We laughed at Bitt's ability to string all those words together without taking a breath.

My parents took Elizabeth out for a celebratory dinner, so things were quiet that night. Bella didn't cry when she left, which made me feel a lot better.

Thursday was another rough day of therapy. My therapists seemed pleased with my progress so far, but I hadn't noticed any difference. I refused to quit, though. I was going to be myself again.

When I returned to my room that afternoon, I remembered that Bella would be late because of a faculty meeting. I decided to wait for her in my bed instead of my wheelchair so I could get in a quick nap before she arrived. I did doze off briefly, but I soon woke up because I had to go to the bathroom. Instead of calling for a nurse, I decided to get up and go by myself. I had been getting out of bed just fine when I was working with Tanya, so I figured I could do this on my own.

I managed to get the bed rail down and maneuvered myself to where I was sitting on the side of the bed. I was able to stand, putting my weight on my right leg. But as I went to take my first step, I lost my balance and fell. I instinctively put my right hand out to try and break my fall, but it didn't work. All I felt was pain as I hit the ground.

I obviously didn't make it to the bathroom.

I lay on the floor for what seemed like forever. I had no concept of time. My hand and wrist were throbbing, and I was pretty sure that my wrist was broken. I couldn't tell if I had injured anything on my left side since it was still paralyzed. I also needed a change of clothes.

Finally I heard the door open as Bella and Bitt came in. "Edward?" Bella called. I tried to say something, but it just came out as a groan.

Bella looked down and saw me sprawled on the floor. "Oh my god! Edward! Are you OK? Elizabeth, go have your dad paged!" Bitt ran out of the room, and Bella knelt down next to me. "Oh Edward, please tell me you didn't try to get out of bed by yourself." I nodded, and she frowned. "What were you thinking?"

"Ba-ba-ba." I was so frustrated because I couldn't get the word out.

"Were you trying to go to the bathroom? Edward, why?" Bella took my right hand, and I winced in pain. "You've hurt your hand. Does anything else hurt?"

I shook my head. I was a little sore, but my hand was the only thing that really hurt. That and my pride.

Carlisle and Bitt came rushing into the room. "What happened, Edward?" Carlisle asked as Bella moved so he could examine me.

"He tried to go to the bathroom by himself," Bella said.

"Edward Anthony, have you lost your mind? What on earth were you thinking?" asked Carlisle in amazement. "Did you hit your head?"

"No," I said. Carlisle helped me sit up, and I held up my injured hand. My wrist was already swelling.

Carlisle closely examined my hand, and I grimaced as he touched it. "You're going to need X-rays to see if it's broken. Let's get you cleaned up first."

Bella grabbed some clean pajamas while Carlisle got me into my wheelchair and brought me into the bathroom. Then he left Bella and me alone to get cleaned up and changed. I began to tear up as I suddenly felt like I was six years old again.

"So-sorr-aaaaugh!" I couldn't even apologize.

Bella looked at me sadly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. You just scared me, Edward. You could have really hurt yourself. I need you to get better. Please promise me you'll be careful."

"O—K," I said as a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. Damn, why was I always crying now? Maybe this stupid stroke affected something with my brain and crying.

"If you cry then you're going to make me cry," Bella said with a shaky laugh. "Let's not go there."

I laughed a little as well, and Bella kissed my cheek before wheeling me out of the bathroom. "He's all yours," she announced to Carlisle.

Carlisle smiled. "We'll be back," he said as he wheeled me out of the room and toward X-ray.

Thankfully the X-rays didn't take long, and the news was good. Well, it was as good as it could be. My wrist wasn't broken, just sprained. Carlisle put it in a splint to keep it immobilized. Great. Now I had two useless hands.

Bella and Bitt were still in my room when we got back, and they had been joined by Esme, Emmett, and Jasper. This was going to be like facing a firing squad.

"Well?" Bella asked as Carlisle helped me into bed.

"It's just a sprain," Carlisle replied. "We'll keep it in a splint for a couple of weeks until it heals. I'm pretty confident it'll be just fine."

"Uh, Dad, this kinda leaves Edward with no hands," Elizabeth said. "What is he supposed to do?"

Yeah, what was I supposed to do?

"I'm not sure, but we'll figure something out," Carlisle told her. "We'll just have to pitch in and help where we can."

Emmett had been sitting on the edge of the bed, and he finally stood up and looked straight at me. "Jesus, Edward, what the hell were you trying to do? Were you trying to hurt yourself? I know you're not used to being laid up and having people take care of you, but you're not a superhero. You've got to accept that you have limitations right now and deal with them. Things won't happen overnight. You won't get any better if you go around pulling stunts like this."

"Stop it, Emmett!" Elizabeth yelled. "Edward is our brother. He's not a child. You could show a little compassion."

OK, now my brother and sister were fighting because of me. Emmett was talking to me like I was a child. I was getting angry and frustrated. I couldn't even yell back or stop them.

"Compassion? What he did was crazy!" Emmett shot back. "I care about Edward as much as you do, but he can't go around thinking he's Superman."

"You care? You have a hell of a way of showing it," retorted Elizabeth.

Emmett was getting pretty upset. "If I didn't care, then why on earth would I be here? Why else would I have spent so many sleepless nights here?"

Finally Carlisle stepped between them and broke up their argument. "That's enough," Carlisle said sternly. "This isn't about who cares more or whether or not Edward did the right thing. You will not come in here and upset your brother like this. Look at what you've done."

I was so shocked by Bitt and Emmett's argument that I didn't even realize I was crying again. I wondered if this was how women with PMS felt.

Emmett sighed and shook his head. "Edward, I'm sorry. I never meant to upset you. It's just that I've seen how far you've come, and I don't want anything to happen that might set you back. We need you, Edward. We need you healthy and in one piece."

Bitt sat next to me in the bed and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry too," she said. "We love you, Edward, and we don't want to see you get hurt anymore."

I nodded and smiled. I looked over at Bella and saw that she had been crying as well, which didn't go unnoticed by Carlisle.

"OK, I think Edward's had enough excitement for one day. It's time for everyone to go," Carlisle announced.

I panicked and looked over at Bella. I wasn't ready for her to leave. Carlisle noticed my concern. "It's OK. Bella can stay. I'm going to get you something for pain, and then I expect you to rest."

Bitt gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, as did my mom before leaving.

Emmett apologized again. "I'm sorry. Just take care of yourself and be careful."

"OK," I replied as my brother nearly crushed me in a bear hug.

"Be good and don't get too rowdy," Jasper teased. I smiled as he also hugged me.

Carlisle came back with my pain pill. "This is going to make you sleepy, so relax and don't fight it. Remember, if you need anything during the night, call someone." I took the pill and Carlisle gave both Bella and me a hug before he left.

"This has been some day," Bella said with a sigh as she sat next to me in bed. "Are you OK?"

I nodded and scooted closer to Bella. I was fine as long as she was by my side. The events of the day along with the pain medicine had left me pretty tired, and I began to drift off to sleep. The last thing I remembered was Bella humming softly.

I slept well and woke up feeling good. The good mood didn't last, though, when I realized that I couldn't feed myself because of my sprained wrist. I wouldn't be able to eat breakfast until my dad arrived. Great.

The door opened a short time later, but it was Esme instead of Carlisle. "Mo-om," I said questioningly.

Esme's hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes filled with tears. I got scared and wondered what could possibly be wrong.

"Oh no, everything's fine," Esme said when she noticed my expression. "Your dad was called in to perform an emergency surgery this morning. It's just that this is the first time you've said 'Mom' since you woke up."

It was, and I couldn't believe that simple little word made my mother so happy. I guess it meant that I was getting better. I couldn't wait until talking was no longer an issue.

Esme fed me, which made me feel like a little kid. It was humiliating. Then she helped me go to the bathroom. That was even more humiliating. How many other grown men needed their mother's help to use the toilet? Finally she helped me get dressed and into my wheelchair for therapy.

When Jake came to get me for therapy, he immediately noticed my wrist. "What happened, Edward?" he asked.

Esme answered for me. "Edward had a little mishap yesterday evening. He fell and sprained his wrist."

"Well that stinks," Jake said. "I guess that means we're going to have to work that left hand extra hard so you'll have a hand to use."

I laughed humorlessly. I had been so excited about starting therapy at the beginning of the week, and now things had gone completely downhill. I was starting to have those dark thoughts again, thoughts about dying. I felt completely useless.

Both Jake and Tanya noticed my bad mood, but they still worked me hard. I didn't put forth much effort, though. Today I just wanted to be anywhere but therapy.

Alice was waiting for me when I returned to my room for lunch. "Hey, Edward! Did you have a good morning?"

I shrugged. There really wasn't much to say, and it wasn't like I could say it anyway.

Alice fed me my lunch, chatting animatedly the whole time. I tuned her out. I think she realized, but that had never stopped her before. She had more energy than any other human being on the planet.

"Do you have to use the bathroom before I go?" Alice asked once I was finished eating.

"No!" I said, completely mortified. There was no way I was going to let Alice see me half naked.

Alice sighed. "Come on, Edward, it's not like I'm trying to get a cheap thrill. You need help, and I'm here to give it to you."

I knew that Alice was right. The whole situation was just weird, though. I reluctantly let her help me into my wheelchair and into the bathroom. Once we were in there she helped me take care of business. I did notice that she looked away as much as possible. It was completely humiliating, but I could sense that Alice thought nothing of it. She was here because she loved me.

Alice helped me back into bed after our embarrassing little moment, and I decided to take a short nap before my afternoon therapy session.

I actually did work hard during speech therapy. I really wanted to talk again. I was more determined than ever to regain my speech since I couldn't write what I wanted to say thanks to my injured wrist.

I got a break from therapy over the weekend, but I did have a few exercises to do on my own in my room. I went through the motions, not bothering to put much effort into them. I could feel myself slipping back into that unhappy place. I once again began to question why I had survived and why I was suffering.

Bella spent Friday and Saturday nights at the hospital, and that was probably the only bright spot in my weekend. I was so happy not to have to say goodbye to her at night and to have her face be the first one I saw in the morning.

That Sunday was the Super Bowl, and Emmett had planned a little party in my hospital room. I had been excited at first, but now I could have cared less. I didn't feel like celebrating. I forced myself to be cheerful when Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice showed up with pizza and sodas. Bella had to cut my pizza and feed it to me with a fork. I really didn't enjoy it much.

As the game was starting, Emmett reached into the cooler he had brought and pulled out a beer. "Who wants a nice cold one?"

Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head. "Emmett Cullen, have you lost your freaking mind? Why did you bring beer to the hospital?"

"It's the Super Bowl," Emmett replied incredulously as if Rosalie should have known. "What's the Super Bowl without beer?"

"You cannot drink beer in a hospital!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"Why not?" Emmett asked.

Rosalie was getting exasperated. "You just can't, Emmett. You can't drink beer here. Even if you could, it would be rude to drink in front of Edward. At least be considerate of your brother. I thought you had more sense than that."

Emmett pouted, but he put the beer away. Leave it to my brother to try and pull a stunt like that.

Everyone was into the game except for me. I just sat there and pretended to enjoy it, but I could have cared less. I was just tired, physically and mentally. Being back in self-loathing mode did that to me.

The Giants made their spectacular comeback, and the game was over. Jasper and the girls were thrilled to see the Giants win, but Emmett was in shock.

"I can't believe the Patriots lost. They had a perfect season," Emmett said in disbelief.

"Nope, not perfect. They lost," Rose replied gleefully.

"Rose, what do you have against the Patriots?" Emmett asked as if she had just said something blasphemous.

Rosalie waved her hand dismissively. "The Patriots are completely overrated. Don't you remember that last regular season game? The Giants definitely held their own."

"Besides, Eli Manning is cuter than Tom Brady," Alice chimed in.

The gang left not long after the game ended, and Bella helped me get settled for the night. She brought me to the bathroom and got me into my pajamas. Once I was in bed, she climbed in next to me for a few minutes before she had to go.

"Edward, is everything OK?" she asked me. "Ever since you fell the other night it's as if you've retreated into your own little shell. I'm worried about you."

I shook my head. "So ti-tired." I groaned in frustration.

Bella took my left hand in both of hers and kissed it. "I know you're tired, but you can't shut down when things don't go right. I need you, Edward. I need you to get better."

She was right. I was just damn lucky that I came out of that fall with only a sprained wrist instead of a more serious injury. I needed to get refocused on therapy and getting better.

"I love you, Edward," she said, leaning into me for a kiss.

Our lips met, but I decided that I wanted more. My tongue parted Bella's lips, and I deepened our kiss. I only hoped that I was doing it right and that my tongue wasn't flopping like a fish out of water. I wanted Bella to enjoy it. Being paralyzed had certainly put limits on being romantic.

I must have done it right because when we finally broke our kiss, Bella's cheeks were flushed. "You're still amazing," she said lovingly.

Yeah, I was definitely in a better mood.

I made it through the next two weeks of therapy with a newfound determination. My speech was rapidly improving. I still stuttered a lot and my words were often slurred, but people could at least understand me. I had regained some motion in my left arm, but it was still pretty weak. Once the splint came off of my sprained right wrist, I worked it as well in therapy to strengthen it. I was still having issues with my left leg, though. I would get frustrated because I desperately wanted to walk again, but Jake told me to be patient and give it time.

As I began my fourth week of therapy, I received some wonderful news. I would be released from the hospital that coming Saturday. I would still go to outpatient therapy every day, but I was finally going home. I could sleep in my own bed with Bella next to me. I knew that it would be an adjustment, but I didn't care.

On Wednesday of that week, I woke up feeling a little off. I ate my breakfast and dressed myself, though, with no problems. When Carlisle came in to help me put on my shoes, I told him.

"Feel bad," I said.

Carlisle was concerned. "What's the matter?"

"D-don't know. F-feel off," I replied.

"Do you have a headache? Any dizziness?" he asked. I shook my head. "Are you OK to go to therapy?"

I nodded. "Need t-to go."

"Ok, but you need to let someone know if you start feeling any worse," Carlisle said.

I went to therapy and as I was going through my exercises with Jake, I began to feel strange. It was like the auras I used to get before a migraine, but this felt different.

"Jake," I managed to say before I blacked out.

When I came to, I was lying on the ground with several people standing over me. I had a terrible headache and felt disoriented. I also needed to change my pants.

"It's OK, Edward," Jake said reassuringly. "You had a seizure. Your dad's on his way down."

I had a seizure? What the hell had brought that on? I tried to sit up, but Jake wouldn't let me.

My dad arrived a few minutes later. By that time, I was feeling nervous and agitated. Carlisle did his best to calm me.

"It's going to be all right," Carlisle said soothingly. "I'm going to bring you to your room to get cleaned up and changed and then you can rest."

Jake and Carlisle got me in my wheelchair, and Carlisle took me back to my room. He helped me get changed, but I was still in an agitated state.

"Edward, you need to calm down," Carlisle said as I got situated in bed. "Unfortunately, seizures can be a complication of a brain injury. This may never happen again, or you may have recurring seizures. It won't help, though, if you get upset."

I still couldn't calm myself, so Carlisle gave me a sedative. I finally relaxed and fell asleep. When I woke up, Bella was at my bedside.

"B-Bella," I managed to say.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"S-s-s-scared," I replied.

"You did give us quite a scare," Bella said. "I'm glad you're OK."

Dr. Snow came in a short time later to examine me. "Everything looks OK, Edward," he said, "but I'm going to start you on an anti-convulsant as a precaution. If it happens again, I'll run some tests and adjust the meds. Seizures do sometimes develop after a stroke. You should be OK to return to therapy tomorrow, and I don't see why you still can't go home Saturday."

I groaned in frustration after Dr. Snow left. Bella tried to reassure me.

"Edward, I know this isn't easy, but don't let it get you down. Keep fighting. Keep working. I need you. You can't give up."

Bella needed me. She needed me, and I wouldn't let her down. I returned to therapy even more determined to get back to normal. I made it through the rest of the week and was feeling pretty good about myself.

On Saturday morning I sat in my wheelchair and looked around my hospital room for the last time. After six long weeks, I was finally going home. Bella had gone down to load the car, and I waited impatiently for her.

"Ready to go?" Bella asked when she returned.

I nodded. I was more than ready. I only hoped that I would be able to deal with life outside the confines of the hospital. It was time to find out.


	7. Chapter 7Keeping Me Alive

**Here it is, Edward's home! I hope this chapter was worth the wait. You may need a tissue, so consider yourself warned!**

**Thanks as always to my awesome super sexy beta Bittenev. You have mad skillz, Bitt, and you are just the sweetest thing! I love ya!**

**To my BBFF Dolle--thanks for suggesting the song. It's perfect for E & B, and it's perfect for this chapter. I love you more than wine in a box!**

**A huge thank you to all of my readers! You have no idea what your reviews mean to me. There have been several times when I've considered giving up this story, but your wonderful words have kept me going. Thanks for sticking with me on this ride. **

**The song for this chapter is "Keeping Me Alive" by The Afters. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all things Twilight. I own a couple of Twilight posters.**

**Chapter 7—Keeping Me Alive**

EPOV

I stared out the window as Bella drove me home, looking to see if anything had changed in the six weeks I'd been in the hospital. It hadn't. The world kept turning, as it always did. My life was dramatically different now, but so many other things remained the same.

Bella lowered the heater in the car, for which I was grateful. It wasn't too cold today, yet she had dressed me like a snowman. My leather jacket was appropriate for the weather, but I felt the scarf and gloves were overkill. She had even made me wear a beanie. Although, I didn't mind that so much since it covered my scar. I still didn't have complete sensation on my left side, so I guessed Bella was worried that I wouldn't be able to feel the cold.

We finally pulled into our driveway, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was home. I noticed my dad's car in front of the house and hoped he was here alone. I really didn't want an audience. I waited as Bella got my wheelchair out of the trunk and brought it around. She helped me out of the car, into my wheelchair, and then wheeled me to the house.

I immediately noticed the ramp that had been built over the porch steps. "Emmett did it," Bella said, answering my unasked question. "He also made a few changes in the house to make life a little easier for you." I smiled. My goofy brother had a big heart, and I knew he'd do anything for me.

My smile faded as Bella opened the front door and I saw both of my parents and Elizabeth standing there. Great. I just wanted to relax and enjoy my first day at home. I wondered when everyone else was going to show up.

"Welcome home, dear," Esme said as she hugged me. I forced a smile.

My sister was literally bouncing up and down. I was convinced that she had been spending too much time with Alice.

"I'm so happy you're finally home!" she squealed. "This is like the best day ever!"

Thankfully, Carlisle stepped in. "Now, now, let's give Edward some time to get settled. We don't want to overwhelm him."

Bella helped me to take off my snowman garb before wheeling me into the living room. I saw that the furniture had been rearranged slightly, presumably to accommodate my wheelchair. I also noticed a new recliner. "Wh-what's that?" I asked.

"I thought you'd be more comfortable in a recliner than on the couch," Bella replied. "I hope you don't mind."

"It's f-fine. Th-th-thanks." I hated that I still stuttered so much. At least I was talking more. "Wan-na sit."

Carlisle helped me into the chair, and I used my right hand to pull the lever so I could recline. Bella was right; it was comfortable. It was so comfortable that I dozed off. I was pretty tired from the morning's events.

When I woke up a little while later, I heard voices. That could mean only one thing. The rest of my family was here. So much for a relaxing day at home.

Emmett's booming voice broke my sleep-induced stupor. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty's awake!" he called out.

"Sh-shut up, Em," I told him.

Jasper laughed. "He can talk now, Emmett. You can't get away with telling him anything you want."

Bella apparently heard us because she came in the room and kissed me on the cheek. "Are you hungry? We just had pizza delivered." I nodded, so Bella helped me into my wheelchair and brought me into the kitchen. Esme, Elizabeth, Alice, and Rose were in there eating and talking. That bothered me, but only because I was still a little self-conscious about eating in front of other people. I actually found it difficult to eat with just my right hand, and I still had some facial paralysis. Oh well, I was just going to have to suck it up. It wasn't as if I could eat in secret for the rest of my life.

Alice bounded over to hug me. "So, how does it feel to be home?"

"Now Alice, he's only been home a couple of hours," Bella replied as she brought me my plate and a bottle of water. "Do you need anything else?" she asked me.

"I-I'm OK," I said. "Hap-py to b-be home," I added, turning to Alice.

I went to pick up my pizza, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it with just my right hand. I tried to use my left hand as well, but it didn't want to cooperate. I closed my eyes and groaned.

"Edward, do you need help?" Bella asked gently. I nodded in defeat, so Bella cut my pizza into small pieces so I could eat it with a fork. I was completely embarrassed. Bella sensed my feelings because she leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Don't be upset. No one cares about the way you eat. Honestly." She then gave me a quick kiss of reassurance on the cheek before letting me eat. I was amazed. What had I done to deserve such a wonderful woman?

Bella brought me back into the living room after I ate, and I hung out and watched TV with the guys. After a little while, though, I began to feel sleepy. I also had to go to the bathroom.

"Dad," I said. "Ba-bath…" I asked my father because I didn't want to disturb Bella.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded, and he wheeled me to the bathroom. I immediately noticed the bars around the toilet. I looked at Carlisle questioningly.

Carlisle smiled. "It was Emmett. He took it upon himself to make the house safe and accessible for you. There's a seat in the tub so you can sit and take a shower, and he also put a bar on the wall in there for support."

I smiled as well. I only wished there was a way I could properly thank my brother for all he'd done.

After taking care of business, I looked at Carlisle and said, "Tired. Lay down." He brought me into the bedroom. I was so tired of being tired. Once I was settled in bed, I asked Carlisle about it.

"Why? Al-ways tired. Why?"

Carlisle sat on the bed and put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, your body's been through a lot over the last several weeks. It needs time to heal. You had two brain surgeries. Full recovery from those takes a couple of months. Throw in the stroke and rehab, and of course it's going to wear you out. I know it's hard for you, but you're going to have to work with your body's limitations right now. Don't overdo it, and rest when you need to. You're a doctor. You know these things."

I shook my head. "No. Not a d-doctor. Not an-ny-more."

"Let's not worry about that right now," Carlisle replied. "You'd be surprised. You may recover enough to go back to work. Right now I want you to rest. You just got home from the hospital." He got up to leave but stopped. "I love you, son," he said. I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes.

"L-love you t-too, Dad," I said. Carlisle squeezed my hand and then left me to rest.

When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. Everyone must have gone home, and I wondered how long I had been asleep. I sat up and thought about getting into my wheelchair by myself, but I figured it would be best not to take any chances on my first day home. Bella must have heard me stirring because she came in the room a couple of minutes later.

"Hey, did you have a good nap?" she asked as she sat next to me on the bed.

"Feel b-better," I replied.

"Good. Everyone left so you could have some peace and quiet," she said. "Emmett's going to come back a little later, but otherwise it's just you and me." Bella took my hand in hers and kissed it. "I'm so happy you're home. I hated being apart. I missed you so much."

"M-missed you," I said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. Bella put her arm around me, and I rested my head on her shoulder. We sat like that for a few minutes, and for once it seemed like all was right with the world.

Bella and I spent a relaxing afternoon at home, just like we usually did on a Saturday. It just felt right. Emmett did come back later, and we watched TV for a while.

"It's getting late, Edward," Emmett finally said. "Do you want me to help you take a shower before I go?"

"Em, you don't have to," Bella said. "I can do it."

"No, I want to," Emmett insisted. "You can't do everything, Bells. Let me help."

Bella relented, and Emmett wheeled me into the bathroom. He ran out to get my pajamas from the bedroom but came right back. He started the shower, making sure the water temperature was OK, before helping me undress and get into the shower.

As I sat in the shower, I suddenly remembered something from the night I had the stroke. I remembered getting dizzy and nearly passing out in the shower. I didn't realize just how loudly I had gasped at the memory until Emmett stuck his head around the curtain.

"Ed, are you OK?" he asked, concerned.

"F-fine. Re-rem-rem…aaaugh."

"Did you remember something? Something from that night?" he asked quietly.

I nodded and dropped my head, letting Emmett know I didn't want to talk about it. He took the hint and left me alone.

I took my time in the shower, and I called out to Emmett when I was finally finished. Emmett turned off the water, opened the curtain, and handed me a towel. I dried off as much as I could before letting Emmett take over.

Emmett began laughing as he helped me out of the tub. "This reminds me of when we were kids and Mom used to put us in the bathtub together. Remember?"

I had to laugh as well. Bath time with Emmett was an experience. Heck, everything about growing up with Emmett was an experience. My parents often said that having Emmett first prepared them for anything.

Finally I was dried and dressed and back in my wheelchair. "Bed," I said to Emmett. He brought me to my room and helped me into bed.

"Good night, little brother. I'm glad you're home," he said as he gave me a hug. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid. Get better!"

"I will," I told him. "Th-thanks."

Emmett smiled and nodded. He knew exactly what I meant.

Bella came in a short time later. She changed into her pajamas and got into bed.

"Good night," Bella said. She kissed me on the cheek before rolling over to her side of the bed.

"Oh. N-night," I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

Bella propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me. "What's the matter, Edward?"

"D-don't you w-want…" I struggled to get the words out.

"Want what, Edward?"

"Me. W-want me?" I began to tear up.

"Of course I do," she said in shock. "Why wouldn't I want you?"

"Y-you t-tur-turned away f-fr-from me," I choked out.

The look of shock on Bella's face turned to one of horror. "Oh no, Edward! No, no! That's not what I meant! I was afraid of hurting you. I love you, Edward. I'll always want you. You just got home from the hospital, though. I worry about you. I need you to get well. I need _you_."

The tears flowed freely for both of us now. "Won't h-hurt me," I told her. "Only h-hurt me if y-you d-don't want me."

"Of course I want you, Edward. Don't be silly. This stroke changes nothing. I still love you more than anything."

"Hold me. P-please," I sobbed.

Bella scooted over next to me and took me in her arms. I rested my head on her chest as she just held me close to her.

"I l-love you," I said.

I could feel Bella's sharp intake of breath. "Oh Edward, that's the first time you've been able to tell me that. I love you too. I'll love you forever."

And with that I fell asleep, perfectly content in the arms of the only woman I had ever loved. I knew we still had some issues we'd have to deal with, but right now I was happy just to be with Bella.

Sunday was spent quietly at home, just Bella and me. I had a feeling that Bella had asked everyone for some privacy. Emmett called to talk to me before I went to bed, but otherwise we were left alone.

I was so comfortable in my own bed Monday morning that I didn't want to get up, but I had to go to therapy.

I wheeled myself into the kitchen while Bella finished getting ready. I saw that she had coffee made and the mugs on the counter, so I decided to help myself instead of waiting for Bella. It was easy for me to grab the coffee pot with my right hand, but getting the mug in my left hand was a little tricky. I managed it, though, and was feeling pretty proud of myself. That feeling of pride didn't last long. My left hand began to shake, and I dropped the mug.

"D-damn it!" I yelled as the mug shattered all over the floor, sending hot coffee everywhere.

Bella came running into the kitchen. "Edward? Are you OK?" she asked. "Oh," she said when she saw the mess I had made. "Are you all right? You didn't burn yourself, did you?"

"C-can't t-t-tell," I replied. "Can't f-feel."

Bella rolled up my left pants leg and gently examined my leg. "It doesn't look like you burned yourself," she said, "but we do need to get you out of these pants. Come on, let's go change."

How could Bella be so calm about this when I was absolutely furious with myself? I was useless. I couldn't do anything. I could feel myself slipping back into that unhappy place, and I really didn't care.

After helping me change, Bella sat on the bed and took both of my hands in hers. "Edward, I know you're not used to having people take care of you, but you have to realize that you can't do everything by yourself. Let me help you. It's OK to admit you need help."

"No," I said angrily. "N-not help-less."

"I never said you were helpless," Bella replied. "You just can't do it all right now. I only want to help you until you can."

"Hate this," I muttered. I knew Bella was right, though. I knew I couldn't do it all. I knew I needed help. I also knew that I didn't want to depend on others. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I felt like I would never be normal again. It sucked.

Thankfully Bella didn't dress me like a snowman again when it was time to leave. We rode in silence to the hospital where I would have therapy Monday though Friday for five hours a day. I was glad that the hospital's rehab center also treated outpatients because I really liked my therapy team. I just didn't always like therapy itself. I basically saw it as a necessary evil.

I worked extra hard in therapy that day, this morning's incident still fresh in my mind. My persistence must have been obvious because my therapists cracked several jokes about how hard I was working.

Bella was beaming when she picked me up. I was happy to see her too. "How was it?" she asked me.

"G-good. H-hard," I replied. "I'm h-hungry."

Bella laughed. "So you worked up an appetite today? Do you want to stop somewhere and grab lunch?"

I shook my head. "Home." I wasn't ready to go out in public just yet. I felt much safer in my own home.

The rest of the week continued the same way. Bella would bring me to therapy in the mornings and run errands or take care of the house while I was there. She'd pick me up afterwards, and we'd just hang out around the house. I did what I could to help, which wasn't much. We had shared the household chores before my stroke, but now I really couldn't contribute. Our family and friends visited often, and Emmett came by every evening to help Bella or just hang out.

We were driving home Friday afternoon when Bella told me that Alice had called. "Alice and Jasper want us to go to dinner with them tonight."

"No," I said, cutting her off.

Bella frowned. "Edward, you can't hide forever. You're going to have to start living your life, even if it's not the life you planned on."

"Not r-ready," I replied.

"Then when are you going to be ready?" she asked me. "It's just a casual dinner at Italian Pie, nothing fancy. Alice and Jasper really want you to go. I think it might do you some good to get out. Being cooped up in the house isn't healthy."

I sighed in exasperation. "OK, fine, w-whatever. I'll g-go." I hoped this would make Bella happy because I sure wasn't happy about it.

I pouted the whole time Bella helped me get ready that evening. I let her choose my clothes and didn't say a word when she had to button my shirt because I couldn't get my fingers to cooperate. I wanted to wear a baseball cap to hide my scar, but I thought that might be out of place, even in a casual restaurant. I was just going to have to deal with it.

Alice and Jasper were already at the restaurant when we arrived. They both got up to hug us when Bella wheeled me to the table.

"I'm glad you decided to come," Jasper said. "I had a feeling you'd try to get out of it."

"Oh, he tried," Bella replied, "but I wasn't letting him off so easy. I was going to drag him if I had to."

I hated them talking about me like I was a child or something.

The waitress brought our menus, and I opened mine to see what I wanted. All I saw were blurred words. The only way I could read the menu was to cover my left eye. Luckily I was familiar enough with the place to know what I wanted.

"Edward, do you need any help?" Bella asked.

"Got it. Know w-what I w-want," I replied. I had decided on the mushroom ravioli since it was a favorite of mine and would be easy to eat with one hand.

Bella, Alice, and Jasper chatted while we waited for our food. There wasn't a whole lot I could contribute to the conversation. I was completely regretting my decision to go out tonight. Why couldn't Bella have just let me stay home like I wanted?

The waitress brought our food, and we ate in silence for a few minutes before Alice spoke. "How's therapy going?" she asked me.

"F-fine. T-tough some-ti-mes, but g-good," I replied.

"That's great!" Alice said excitedly. "You'll be good as new pretty soon!"

"D-don't kn-know a-bout that." I seemed to be stuttering even more tonight, and I wondered if it was because I was nervous. Apparently, I was also dripping marinara sauce down my chin because Bella reached over and wiped it with her napkin. OK, now I was embarrassed as well.

Either Alice didn't notice or pretended not to because she was still rattling on. "Nonsense, Edward! We all know how hard-headed you are. I'm surprised you haven't kicked that wheelchair to the curb already. It won't be long before you're up and running."

"Not li-likely," I said darkly.

"Alice, this isn't just something that's going to go away overnight," Jasper reminded her. "Edward's got a long way to go."

"I know," Alice replied in exasperation. "I just have a really good feeling about things. We're going to have our old Edward back."

"C-can we t-talk ab-bout s-some-thing else?" I interjected. I really didn't like my recovery being the subject of our conversation.

"Of course. Sorry about all of that," Jasper apologized.

We continued to eat and discussed topics that didn't involve me. The rest of the evening turned out to be fairly pleasant even if I was uncomfortable being out in public. Alice and Jasper were my friends, my family really, and they only wanted what was best for me.

The girls got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Jasper and me at the table. "So," Jasper began when the girls left, "how are you really feeling?"

I knew there was no way I could lie to Jasper. He'd see right through me. I answered him honestly. "T-tired. F-frus-tra-ted."

Jasper nodded. "I wish there was something I could do to make this easier. I hate seeing you like this. Just don't give up." He paused for a moment and began to laugh. "I could tell you were pissed off about being dragged here the moment you came in. The look on your face was priceless. I'm glad you decided to come. You need to get out more."

"Em-b-bar-ras-sed," I said. "D-don't want p-people to s-see me like th-this."

"Edward, you have nothing to be embarrassed about," Jasper replied. "I know you're self-conscious, but you don't have to be. I promise that people aren't staring the way you think they are. If they are staring, it's only because we're the two best-looking guys in the place."

I had to laugh at Jasper's last remark. He was right. I knew he was right, so why was I having such a hard time accepting it? Would I ever accept it?

When the girls came back from the restroom, we talked for a few more minutes before we all left. Jasper wheeled me to the car and helped me in. Bella and I rode home in comfortable silence.

I was exhausted when we got home, so I went straight to bed. I looked forward to the day when my lack of energy was no longer an issue. Bella joined me a short time later and snuggled up close to me. I quickly fell into a deep sleep…but it didn't last.

I had a terrible nightmare, the images were clear in my mind, and I felt panicked.. Bella had left me, and I was alone. I kept calling out to her, but she wouldn't come back.

"No, Bella, no! D-don't l-leave me!" I cried out.

"Edward, wake up. It's OK," she said gently. "I won't leave you."

"N-no! Don't go!" I practically sobbed.

"I'm not going anywhere," she replied. "It's OK. You just had a bad dream. I promise I'll never leave you."

"Don't go," I repeated.

"I won't go. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." Bella rested her head on my chest and put her arms around me. She began to hum softly, and I soon fell asleep.

Unfortunately, the nightmares continued. I'd wake up calling out for Bella, and she would comfort me until I went back to sleep. I was the one who had always comforted Bella, and here she was doing it for me. I hated that she had to take care of me that way.

Wednesday was an important day. It was Elizabeth's birthday. It was hard to believe that my baby sister was now 15. It seemed like only yesterday that Emmett and I were dreading her arrival. We were celebrating with a family dinner at my parents' house.

Bella and I were the last to arrive at Esme and Carlisle's, but we weren't late. Apparently the birthday girl was still in the shower because softball practice ran late. After greeting my family, Carlisle and I went into his study to talk.

"How are you feeling? Any headaches lately?" Carlisle asked me.

"Still t-tired a lot. N-not too ma-ny h-head-aches," I replied. "T-taking my meds like a g-good boy."

"That's good," Carlisle chuckled.

"Dad, b-been having ni-nightmares," I admitted. "Dr-dreaming of Bella l-leaving me."

Carlisle became concerned. "Edward, I don't ever remember you having nightmares. That's a little strange. Do you think it would help if you tried a sleeping pill? Something mild, of course. I don't want you drugged up. Maybe it'll help." He paused for a moment. "You do know that Bella would never leave you?"

I shook my head. "Not good e-en-ough for her."

"How can you say that?" Carlisle asked in amazement. "Bella loves you. Of course you're good enough for her. This stroke doesn't change who you are on the inside."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I remembered something I wanted to ask my father. "Uh, Dad, is it OK for me t-to have sex?"

Carlisle definitely wasn't expecting that. "Well, um, sure Edward, as long as you're feeling up to it. I don't see why it should be a problem."

"I'm j-just af-fraid. S-scared that it won't w-work," I said.

"A stroke doesn't normally cause erectile dysfunction." Carlisle was putting on his clinical face to answer my question. "It's usually anxiety that causes performance problems. I think as long as you're relaxed and ready, everything will be all right."

"Good. Th-thanks, Dad," I told him.

We figured Elizabeth would be out of the shower by now, so Carlisle and I went to join the family. Elizabeth came bounding down the stairs just as we entered the den. Everyone greeted her with hugs and kissed and birthday wishes. We hung out in the den until it was time to eat.

Since it was a special occasion, we ate in the dining room. Our whole family was there, including Jasper, Alice, Charlie, and Renee. They were family even if they weren't blood relatives. Mom had fixed Elizabeth's favorite dinner, spaghetti and meatballs. I ate carefully, not wanting to get myself covered in spaghetti sauce.

We all chatted throughout dinner about anything and everything. I was enjoying myself and having more fun than I'd had since the stroke.

We were almost finished dinner when my mom looked up at Bitt. "Elizabeth, have you told everyone your good news?"

"No, Mom, I haven't," Elizabeth said through clenched teeth.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Esme asked her. "Tell them!"

"Tell us what?" Emmett inquired impatiently.

"Your sister has a date!" Esme exclaimed in delight.

"My sister has a what?" Emmett boomed.

Elizabeth sighed. "See, this is why I didn't want to say anything. It's no big deal. Colby Ryan asked me to the freshman dance, and I said yes."

"Oh honey, it is a big deal," Esme said. "It's your first real date!"

Emmett actually looked angry. "I don't like it. Not one bit."

"Now Emmett, it's just a school dance. Leave your sister alone," Carlisle told him.

"And you wonder why I didn't tell you," Elizabeth said. "If it was up to my brothers, Emmett would be here showing off his muscles and Edward would try to run him over with his wheelchair. Why don't you just have Uncle Charlie come over with his police car and his gun?"

Emmett seemed to like that. "Hmmmm, that's not a bad idea."

Elizabeth threw up her hands in exasperation. "Would you please stop? Colby is a nice guy. He's taking me to a dance. It's not as if we're going off to get married."

"I teach Colby, and he is a nice kid," Bella said. "I'm sure he has nothing but good intentions when it comes to Elizabeth."

"He'd better, or else he'll have to deal with me," Emmett nearly growled.

Rosalie smacked Emmett in the back of the head. "Geez, Emmett, they're kids. Besides, we were about Bitt's age when we started dating."

"I know, and I remember exactly what I was thinking back then," Emmett said matter-of-factly. "There's no way some little punk is going to have those thoughts about my baby sister. I'll rip him limb from limb first."

"That's enough, Emmett," Carlisle said with finality. "When it's your daughter, you can do all the limb ripping you want. Your sister is going to the dance with this boy, and that's that."

Thankfully the subject was dropped, and we moved on to other topics. I couldn't believe that my little sister was old enough to date, but I wasn't going to argue about it.

When the dinner dishes were cleared, Esme brought out a huge chocolate cake, Elizabeth's favorite. We sang "Happy Birthday," and Bitt blew out all 15 candles. After cake and ice cream, the birthday girl eagerly opened her presents.

The women eventually went to the kitchen while the men gathered in the den to watch a basketball game on TV. I really wasn't interested in the game, though. Elizabeth was sitting at the piano, so I wheeled myself over. We just sat there quietly for a few moments.

"I haven't been playing much lately. I've been busy with school and stuff," Elizabeth admitted.

"Haven't p-played m-much lately either," I joked, and we both laughed. We sat quietly again before I spoke. "P-play for me?"

Elizabeth looked at me in surprise. "Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

I nodded, and Elizabeth began to play "Claire de Lune," one of my favorites. I closed my eyes and remembered my sister as a little girl banging on the keys. She had certainly come a long way since then.

I opened my eyes when the song ended. "B-beau-ti-f-ful," I told her.

"Thanks," she replied. "Have you tried playing yet?" she added quietly, and I shook my head. "Do you want to try?"

"Can't," I said, holding my left hand. "D-doesn't r-really work."

Elizabeth smiled mischievously. "We could do a duet. How about 'Chopsticks'? I'll play the left hand part, and you play the right."

Elizabeth and I used to duet on "Chopsticks" all the time when she was younger. I nodded, and we got ready to play.

Something happened, though, when I went to put my fingers on the keys. I couldn't remember the song. I had no clue what notes I was supposed to play. I had played this song a thousand times, yet I couldn't remember the notes. I thought about other songs I played often but just totally drew a blank.

Elizabeth stopped playing when she realized that I was just sitting there. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"C-can't re-re-mem-ber," I stammered. "F-forgot the song. F-forgot them all."

"What do you mean you forgot them all? You can't remember how to play?" Elizabeth looked as if she was about to cry.

"C-can't re-mem-ber," I repeated. I was shocked. I knew that I might be physically unable to play, but I never dreamed that I would actually forget how. Fucking brain damage.

"Dad!" Elizabeth called out. "I need you and Bella now!" She then put her arm around me in an effort to comfort me.

Carlisle and Bella were at my side in an instant. "What's the matter?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward can't remember how to play the piano," Elizabeth practically sobbed.

"F-forgot," I said, still in shock.

Bella and Carlisle exchanged a glance before he knelt down so he'd be at my eye level.

"Edward, your stroke damaged the right side of your brain," Carlisle explained. "Unfortunately, that's the part of the brain that controls musical ability. You can't remember how to play because of the brain damage."

"Ever p-play again?" I asked.

"I don't know," Carlisle replied solemnly. "You may regain your ability in time, but you may not. You have to be prepared for the fact that you may never play the piano again."

"No!" Elizabeth cried out. "That's not fair! Why can't I just teach him how to play again?"

By this time, the rest of our family had come into the room and looked at us in concern and shock.

Carlisle sighed. "It's not that easy. It all depends on how his brain heals."

"This freaking sucks! I hate this! I hate that my brother had a stroke!" Elizabeth yelled as she ran out of the room. Esme went after her.

"Ruined Bitt's b-birth-day," I said, lowering my head in shame.

"No you didn't," Carlisle assured me. "She'll be OK."

"G-go home," I told Bella.

"OK, we'll go home," Bella said with a small smile.

Emmett insisted on wheeling me out to the car and helping me get in. "You know I'm always here for you," he said. "I worry about you, little brother. Take care of yourself and let us help you." I nodded, and he squeezed me in a big hug before closing the car door.

Bella didn't say a word on the way home, for which I was grateful. I didn't feel like talking at all. I was too upset and shocked by what had happened. All I wanted was to get home and go to bed. What I really wanted was to crawl in a hole and die, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Bed," I said to Bella when we pulled in the driveway.

Bella turned in her seat to look at me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Bed," I repeated.

I could tell that Bella wasn't happy about it, but she brought me inside and got me ready for bed. I didn't have any nightmares that night. I didn't need to. My life had become a living nightmare, one that I never thought I'd wake from.


	8. Chapter 8 Give Me Strength

**Hello dear readers and Merry Christmas! This chapter may not give you the holiday warm fuzzies, so get your kleenex ready! Thanks so very much to my amazing beta Bittenev. She makes my words all nice and pretty and inspires me to write poetry. I love my BBFF Dolle more than snowstorms. **

**The song for this chapter is "Give Me Strength" by Over the Rhine. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight. I own a giant blowup penguin on the front lawn.**

**Chapter 8—Give Me Strength**

BPOV

5:30. After lying awake for what seemed like hours, I finally decided to just get out of bed. I did so quietly, not wanting to wake Edward. He didn't have any nightmares, thankfully, but he hadn't slept soundly. He was restless most of the night.

I took my time in the shower as I replayed last night's events in my mind. Seeing Edward sitting at the piano, realizing that he couldn't play, was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen. He looked so defeated. Edward had his moments after the stroke, but last night was different. I had never seen him look like that before. It was as if all the life had been drained from him.

I didn't say anything in the car because I figured Edward would want to wait and talk when we got home. I was wrong. He insisted on going straight to bed. I decided to drop it for the night and let Edward rest.

I got out of the shower and got dressed in the bathroom so I wouldn't disturb Edward. The shower really hadn't awakened me, so I figured I'd probably nap with Edward later in the afternoon. I went to the kitchen and quickly downed a cup of coffee before going to check on Edward.

He was awake, lying on his back and staring blankly at the ceiling. His usually sparkling green eyes were dull and lifeless. It hurt so much to see him like that. I leaned over and kissed him on top of his head. His hair was starting to grow back, and I liked the way it felt on my face when I kissed him. "Good morning," I said. "Ready for some breakfast?"

"N-not hungry," he replied softly.

"You need to eat. You need your strength for therapy," I told him, taking his hand.

"Don't wan-na go," he whispered, still staring at the ceiling.

"Edward, you have to go," I said. "You can't call in sick to therapy."

"Why? Not w-work-ing. C-can't do an-ny-thing. Useless." Edward continued to look up, never once turning to look at me.

I sighed, not wanting to argue. "You've only been in therapy for six weeks. You're not going to relearn everything right away. You have to be patient. Things are going to come back eventually. I realize it's easy for me to tell you not to give up, but you can't. You have to keep working at it."

"No," Edward replied vehemently. "Not g-going. C-can't m-make me."

He was right. I couldn't make him go, but I knew who could.

"Who are you c-cal-ling?" Edward asked as I picked up the phone from the nightstand.

"Emmett," I said. Emmett and Rose only lived a block away, and I knew Emmett would be here in a heartbeat to drag Edward out of bed.

Edward finally looked at me, his eyes wide. "No."

"Yes," I replied. "You can either go willingly, or I call Emmett."

Edward knew he had lost this battle. "OK, f-fine, g-going," he huffed.

He was able to get dressed on his own for the most part, only needing me to help him with his socks and shoes. I got him to eat some toast before we headed off to therapy. He pouted the whole way there.

Tanya greeted us when we arrived at the rehab center. "Hey, Edward. How are you this morning?" Edward scowled, and Tanya laughed. "I'll take that as not too good," she said. "Jake's waiting for you."

I kissed Edward on the cheek as he wheeled himself off in Jake's direction. I laughed at his sour expression.

"Looks like someone's having a rough morning," Tanya said. "How are you doing today, Bella?"

"I'd be better if Edward was better," I replied. "Last night was pretty rough. Edward tried to play the piano last night, but he couldn't. He forgot how to play. He hasn't said much, but he doesn't have to. He's been lifeless since we got home last night."

Tanya nodded. "I know exactly what he's going through."

"You do?" I asked, confused.

"I was in a car accident when I was 18," Tanya said. "It happened a week before I was supposed to start college. I suffered a serious head injury and wasn't even expected to make it through that first night. I was in a coma for a month, and the doctors thought I'd never lead a normal life again. I had to relearn everything. It took months of intense therapy, but I made it."

I was stunned. I couldn't believe that this beautiful, vibrant woman was once near death like that. "I can't believe it. I never would have guessed."

"It's true," replied Tanya. "That's why I became an occupational therapist. My doctors were great, but my therapists were the ones who really pushed me to get better. They helped me see that I could lead a normal life. I've been very lucky. I recovered completely, found a job I love, and met the man of my dreams. Jake and I are getting married in May." She was positively beaming.

"Congratulations," I told her. "You and Jake? That's wonderful."

"Thanks," Tanya said with a smile. "I met Jake when I started working here two years ago. It was love at first sight. I've never been happier."

I sighed. "I wish Edward would realize that things are going to get better. It kills me to see him so sad."

"Would you like me to talk to him?" asked Tanya. "Perhaps I can get through to him."

"I think that would be great," I said. "Maybe it would help if he heard your story."

"I'll talk to him during our session today," Tanya said. "Don't worry, Bella. He's going to get through this. It'll take time, but he'll get better. Trust me. I'm living proof."

"Thanks, Tanya," I told her, giving her a hug. I hoped she could help Edward.

I ran a few errands after leaving the rehab center and then went home to tackle the pile of bills that had accumulated. I had been able to pay everything so far, but I wondered how long that would last. Edward had disability insurance, but that only paid 60 percent of his salary. I was able to use my sick days, but they were going to run out eventually. Thankfully we had a little nest egg in case of emergencies, and I knew Carlisle and Esme would help us if we needed it. I hated to use those options, though. Since Edward was a hospital employee, they were going to write off whatever insurance didn't cover. That was a blessing, but I knew we'd still have bills from the doctors, radiologists, therapists, and for anesthesia.

We also didn't know if and when Edward would be able to return to work. There was still a very good possibility that he would be permanently disabled. We would then have whatever bills would be associated with his care. I was trying not to stress over the situation, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to.

Edward was still in a bad mood when I picked him up. "How was therapy?" I asked him.

"H-hard," he replied sullenly.

"I talked to Tanya this morning," I said.

"I know. Sh-she t-told me. She was lu-lucky. Not e-ev-everyone gets b-better." Edward turned away from me and stared out the window.

I desperately wanted Edward to talk to me, to tell me what he was thinking, but he only shut me out. He was becoming increasingly distant, and I didn't know what to do for him.

When we got home, Edward wheeled himself into our bedroom. He lay in bed all afternoon and refused to come out. It wasn't until late afternoon when Emmett called that I went into the room.

"Edward, you need to get up," I told him. "Emmett and Rose are coming over after dinner, and you know your brother isn't going to let you lie around and wallow in self pity. Besides, you've hardly eaten all day. You've got to be hungry."

"N-not g-get-ting up," he said. "D-don't care wh-what Em says. N-not hungry ei-ther. L-leave m-me alone."

I stood there for a minute, hoping Edward might change his mind, but he didn't say another word. I didn't know what else to say or do, so I reluctantly left the room. I only hoped that he would open up to me soon.

Emmett and Rose came by later that evening. After giving me a hug, Rose stepped back and looked at me questioningly. "What's the matter, Bella?" she asked.

"Everything's fine," I replied. "What could possibly be wrong?"

"You're a terrible liar," Rose told me. "Spill it, Swan."

"Honestly, Rose, I'm OK," I insisted. "I'm just a little tired. I'll feel much better after a good night's sleep."

"I don't believe you," Rose said. "There's something you're not telling me."

I bit my lower lip, hesitant to tell her what was going on. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems. I finally figured it would do me good to get it off of my chest.

"It's Edward," I said as I teared up. "He's been in a funk since we got home last night. He won't talk to me about it. He's been in our room since he got home from therapy today and refuses to come out. He didn't even want to go to therapy this morning. I had to threaten to call Emmett to get him out of bed."

"Oh hell no," Emmett said, walking toward the bedroom. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you'd better get your ass out here!"

Rose and I laughed a little at Emmett as we sat on the sofa. "How are _you_ doing, Bells?" she asked me, taking my hand. "And don't lie and tell me you're fine."

"Rose, I don't know what to do with him anymore," I told her tearfully. "He's been a little withdrawn since he's been home, but last night was the last straw. It breaks my heart to see him just give up. He's already lost so much, and I'm afraid that losing the piano is going to kill him. He wouldn't even talk to me about it. That's not like Edward. We've always talked about everything. You should have seen him this morning. The light in his eyes was gone. He's never been fond of therapy, but he knew it was what he had to do. Today, he refused to go. Like I said, I had to threaten to call Emmett to get him to go." I paused a moment to dry my tears. "It's not just that. I've also been worried about money. I've been able to manage so far, but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. I'm going to run out of sick days soon, and then what. We're lucky that we don't have many bills, but now we've got medical expenses to worry about. What am I going to do, Rose? What am I going to do?"

Rose looked me straight in the eye. "The first thing you're going to do is take a deep breath and relax. Then you're going to let us help you." I started to interrupt her, but she raised her hand to stop me. "Listen to me, Bella. You need to let us help. You know that Emmett would do anything in the world for Edward. We would do anything for the both of you. You need a break. You can't do this by yourself."

We were interrupted by Emmett. "Hey, Bells," he called out. "I got Eddie here out of bed, and I'm going to help him take a shower."

"D-don't c-call me Eddie," muttered Edward. The bathroom door closed, and Rose and I laughed.

"I don't know, Rose," I said. "I feel like this is my responsibility."

"You and Edward are family, and family takes care of each other. We will help you," Rose insisted. "Let us help you."

I began to cry again, and Rose hugged me. "When is it going to get better? Is it ever going to get better?"

"I wish I knew," Rose said gently. "We're in it for the long haul, though. We will always be here for you. I promise."

Emmett and Rose left a little while later, and I got ready for bed. Edward was already asleep. I felt a little better after my talk with Rose, and I slept soundly.

Edward was still in a bad mood the next morning, but he didn't complain about going to therapy. Neither of us spoke on the way to the hospital. Once we were there, I got his wheelchair out of the trunk and brought it around to the passenger side of the car. As I was helping Edward out of the car, I felt a sharp pain in my lower back.

"Damn!" I cried out as I got Edward into his wheelchair.

"Wh-what's wr-wrong?" Edward asked me.

"I think I pulled a muscle in my back," I said, wincing in pain.

Edward looked upset. "S-sorry," he said. "H-hurt you."

"No you didn't. It's not your fault," I told him.

"G-got hurt h-helping me. My f-fault," Edward said sadly.

I briefly ignored the pain in my back because I was so angry. "Edward, this is not your fault! I could have just as easily hurt myself doing something at home. You have to stop blaming yourself for things that you can't control." Edward still looked sad, but he didn't say anything else.

After dropping Edward off, I went to the coffee shop for a while to relax and read. I took a couple of Advil, but they only helped my back slightly. Then I decided to stop by Twilight to see Alice and Rose. I thought that seeing them would put me in a better mood.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice greeted me. "How are you on this fine Friday?"

"Not too great," I said glumly.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked. "You look like you're in pain."

"I am. I hurt my back getting Edward out of the car this morning," I replied.

Rose looked at me sternly. "You need to take care of that. You don't want to injure it any further. Have you talked to Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "It just happened this morning. And why would I call Carlisle?"

"Because he's a doctor," Rose said, rolling her eyes. "He can tell you how to take care of it."

"I'll take care of it myself," I told her.

"How are you going to take care of Edward and take care of yourself?" Rose asked me.

"I can do it, Rose," I insisted. "I've been doing it for a few weeks now."

"Yeah, but you didn't have a bad back," Alice pointed out. "We'll figure out a way to help."

"Alice, that's really not necessary," I replied. "I can handle it."

Rose looked exasperated. "Bells, I thought we settled this last night. You are going to let us help you, and I don't want any arguments about it. You sure can be stubborn."

"Fine, Rose, you can help." I was too tired to argue anymore, and deep down I knew that I really couldn't handle it on my own.

I hung out at the shop for a bit longer until I had to leave to run a few errands before I picked up Edward. When I got to the rehab center, Carlisle was waiting for me.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" I asked him. Then it hit me. "Did Rose call you?"

"She's worried about you, Bella. We all are," he said. "Rose said you hurt yourself this morning getting Edward out of the car. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle," I told him honestly. "I'll just take some Advil."

Carlisle shook his head. "As of right now, you are off duty. You are to go home and rest." I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me. "Doctor's orders. Esme is already at your house to take care of Edward. Emmett will be there tonight, and he and Jasper have already agreed to spend the day with Edward tomorrow. It's all been taken care of."

I began to cry. "I can't let you do this. I appreciate it, I really do, but Edward is my responsibility."

"Taking care of a stroke patient is too much of a responsibility for one person," Carlisle said. "We aren't going to let you do this alone."

"Thanks, Carlisle," I said, hugging him.

"Hey, wh-what's wrong?" Carlisle and I looked up to see Edward wheeling himself toward us.

Carlisle smiled at him. "Nothing's wrong. I just came down to bring you your sleeping pills and to check on Bella."

"Oh," Edward replied, looking down.

"How was therapy today?" Carlisle asked.

"The s-same," Edward replied, shrugging his shoulders. "R-ready to go ho-home."

Carlisle walked us to the car. He helped Edward in, and we headed home.

EPOV

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Bella had hurt herself, and it was all because of me. I felt awful.

Esme came out to meet us as Bella pulled into the driveway. She got my wheelchair out of the trunk and came around to help me out of the car.

"Mmmm, something smells good," Bella said as we entered the house. "Are you cooking, Esme?"

"I'm fixing a pot roast. I hope you don't mind," replied Esme. "I figured you wouldn't want to be bothered with cooking. Now go lie down and rest. I've already got a heating pad in the bedroom for you."

"Thanks, Esme," Bella said, hugging my mother. Then she kissed me on top of my head. "Be good and listen to your mother!"

"P-put a p-pil-low un-der your knees!" I called out to Bella as she headed to the bedroom to rest.

"Do you want to keep me company while I cook?" Esme asked me. I nodded and followed her into the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I can fix you a sandwich."

"I'm g-good," I replied. "J-just th-thir-sty. Water."

Esme grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and opened it before handing it to me. She turned to go back to the stove but stopped and looked at me. "Edward honey, please talk to me. I hate seeing you look so sad."

"Life s-sucks. Mi-mi-ser-a-ble."

Esme looked at me thoughtfully. "When you were a little boy, you always made me kiss your boo boos to make them all better. I wish I could do that for you now."

"Me too, Mom. Not th-that ea-sy an-y-more."

"Just promise me one thing," Esme said. "Don't shut Bella out. She loves you more than anything, Edward. She wants you to get better, and she wants to help you. Let her. Let her help you."

The next week passed slowly as I continued to pout and mope around. There was nothing that my family could do or say to pull me out of my funk. I just went through the motions of therapy, not bothering to put any effort into it. It wasn't like it was working or anything. At least my nightmares had stopped. The sleeping pills were working, but I was worried about becoming too dependent on them. Carlisle told me not to worry, but I couldn't help it.

Bella's back was doing much better. She had been resting and following Carlisle's orders. She obviously couldn't help me as much, but my family pitched in and helped. I felt incredibly guilty about Bella's injury, even though she repeatedly assured me it wasn't my fault.

That Friday, a week after Bella had hurt herself, I had an appointment with Dr. Snow. I was a little anxious because I just knew that my father and my therapists had told him about my self loathing and lack of effort.

Dr. Snow examined me and asked lots of questions. I had no choice but to answer honestly because Bella was sitting across the room.

Finally Dr. Snow finished his exam and pulled up a stool. "Your arm is doing well. I see that your range of motion has really increased even though you still have some weakness. I am worried about your leg. I'm still noticing a lot of stiffness and spasticity. Since physical therapy alone isn't working, I'm going to start you on medication for it. Zanaflex doesn't cause as many side effects as other drugs of its kind, and it won't react with the Diazepam for seizures."

Great. Not only was I taking meds for seizures, high blood pressure, and sleeping, but I was now also going to have to take this new drug. I was beginning to feel like an addict.

"Edward, there's something else I'd like to discuss with you," Dr. Snow continued. "I've spoken with Carlisle and your therapy team, and after seeing you today I have to agree with them. You're suffering from post-stroke depression."

I just sat and stared at him with my mouth open. I was definitely angry, but I certainly wasn't depressed. What the hell was he talking about? I thought he was a neurologist, not a psychiatrist.

Dr. Snow noticed my less-than-enthusiastic reaction. "Now Edward, before you get upset, just hear me out. Everything in your therapy reports points to depression." He began to shuffle through papers in my chart. "They say you've been lifeless, withdrawn, and prone to mood swings."

Bella finally spoke. "It's true, Edward. You've become so sad and distant. It's killing me to see you this way."

"W-wouldn't you f-feel th-the same w-way?" I spat out.

"It's OK to feel that way," Dr. Snow assured me, "but it becomes a problem when it interferes with your daily life. You won't heal physically if you don't heal mentally. I'm going to prescribe an anti-depressant, Lexapro, that's commonly used in stroke patients."

"W-won't t-take it," I retorted.

Dr. Snow sighed. "I can't force you to take it, Edward, but it'll really help you. I'm gong to write the prescription anyway."

I didn't say another word. Dr. Snow wrote out my prescriptions and gave them to Bella, and we left the office.

"Do you want to stop at the pharmacy while we're out?" Bella asked me once we were in the car.

"Home," I said. "J-just wanna go home."

Bella didn't argue, but I knew she wasn't happy with me. Oh well. I wasn't happy either. I just wanted to go home and be miserable in private.

I was able to get out of the car with minimal help from Bella once we were home. I wheeled myself into the house and got myself in my recliner.

"We need to talk, Edward," Bella said, standing at the foot of my chair.

"N-nothing to t-talk a-bout," I replied stubbornly.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Bella demanded. "I'm tired of you shutting me out! I'm your fiancée, Edward!"

"Y-you s-still want to m-marry me?" I asked in amazement.

Bella looked at me like I had two heads. "Of course I want to marry you! Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm f-fucked up!" I yelled. "C-can't get m-marr-ied th-this s-sum-mer!"

Bella turned away from me, and I immediately knew that something was wrong. "W-what's the m-matter?"

"I postponed the wedding," Bella whispered.

"Y-you wh-what?!" I exclaimed.

"You're the only who just said you can't get married this summer!" she shot back. "I did it while you were still in the hospital. I honestly didn't know if you'd be ready to get married that soon. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry."

"L-leave me a-lone. J-just l-leave me a-lone."

Bella stood by my chair for another minute before she stormed off into the kitchen. I heard her banging pots and pans, but I tuned out the noise and fell asleep.

When I woke up, Bella was sitting on the sofa flipping through a magazine. "Dinner's ready if you want to eat," she said softly.

"I do," I replied. "B-bella, I'm s-sorry."

"I am too," she said. "I should have told you about the wedding."

"C-can we t-talk la-ter?" I asked her. "I'm hun-gry."

"Sure, but only if you promise to actually talk."

I crossed my heart, which made Bella laugh. We went into the kitchen, and Bella fixed our plates.

I hadn't realized just how hungry I was until Bella brought me my dinner. She had grilled chicken breasts along with garlic mashed potatoes. It smelled heavenly. I immediately became frustrated, though, when I couldn't cut my meat because I was unable to keep the fork steady in my left hand.

"Do you need help?" Bella asked.

I didn't answer her. Instead I picked up my plate with my right hand and threw it across the room.

Bella jumped in her chair. "Edward! What are you doing?"

"S-sick and t-tired of this! C-can't do th-this a-ny-more!" I shouted.

Before Bella could say or do anything, I wheeled myself away from the table. I began to cry, and the tears blurred my already impaired vision. I ran into an end table in the living room, knocking over a lamp. I threw the lamp on the ground, causing it to break. As I continued through the living room, I ran into my piano bench. I kicked it over with my right foot.

"S-s-stupid p-piano!" I yelled.

I ran into the wall in the hallway before I made it to the safety of my bedroom. I attempted to get out of my wheelchair and into bed, but I was so blinded by my tears that I missed the bed and fell. "Dammit!" I yelled as I managed to sit up.

Bella came running into the room. "Edward, are you OK?" she asked, sitting on the floor next to me.

"OK? W-why would I b-be OK?" I cried out. All of the emotions, all of the pain, anger, and sadness I had felt over the last two months had finally come to a head. I had to let it all out before I went insane.

Bella took my hands in hers, and I just went off. "It's h-hard, so hard. D-don't want to g-get out of b-bed. Don't even w-want to live. Wan-na die. F-feel useless, w-worth-less. Like I'll n-n-never get b-better. I'm a freak n-now. Broken. W-want my l-life back. Hate myself. Why? Why me? What d-did I do wrong? What d-did I do to de-deserve this? My b-brain. They t-took p-part of my b-brain. Why? I j-just w-wanna know why." I had to stop for a minute. I was crying so hard that I needed to catch my breath. Once I did, I continued. "Y-you still love me. How? How can you l-love me? How c-can any-b-body love me? I'm w-worth-l-less. Not whole. You c-can't be happy w-with me. D-don't want to l-live anymore. Just wanna d-die. C-can't take th-this. I can't."

Bella held me as sobs racked my body. I meant every word I had said. I truly wished I was dead. That would be the only escape from this hell.

I sat there and cried for what seemed like forever. I finally looked up at Bella and saw that she was crying too. "S-sorry," I told her. "D-didn't m-mean to make you cry."

"Edward, how could you say all those things and expect me not to cry?" she asked incredulously. "You can't possibly mean it. You don't want to die."

"I d-do. Wan-na die. Hate my-self," I replied, tears still falling.

"No, Edward, no," Bella said angrily. "You cannot take yourself away from me. I need you. I would rather have you like this than not at all. You are still the same Edward. This doesn't change who you are. I will always love you more than anything. Always."

"C-can't be the m-man you n-need me to be," I said.

Bella gently placed her hands on my face and lifted my head so that she could look me straight in the eyes. "You are the man I need. All you have to do is be the Edward I fell in love with. I don't care about your physical limitations. I love you and I want you."

"Not just ph-phy-si-cal," I replied in exasperation. "I'm d-damaged. My b-brain. Listen to me. C-can't even t-talk right. C-can't p-play p-piano. W-want my life b-back."

Bella was just as exasperated as I was. "I don't care! Two months ago you couldn't even talk. Now you can. You can hold me in your arms. You can do things you couldn't do right after the stroke. Edward, you have every right to be angry. I'm not going anywhere, though, and neither are you. You can be as angry as you want, but you can't take yourself away from me. I cannot live in a world where you don't exist."

I saw the sadness in Bella's eyes and knew that she meant what she said. I knew that my thoughts were selfish and that they had hurt her, but I meant them. I didn't mean to hurt Bella, but I couldn't hold back any longer. I just lay there on the floor with my head in Bella's lap and cried until I had no tears left.

BPOV

I sat on the floor while Edward lay crying with his head in my lap. I couldn't believe some of the things he had said. He really wanted to die? He didn't feel like he deserved to be loved? How could he feel that way? I had no idea he was even thinking those things. It broke my heart to know that he felt that way and that he hadn't confided his fears to me.

Edward eventually cried himself to sleep, and I was left with a big problem. I couldn't get him off the floor and into the bed, even without my bad back. I just couldn't leave him on the floor, though. I decided to call Jasper for help. Emmett lived closer, but I knew the situation would upset him too much. Jasper's calm presence would be best.

I managed to get off the floor and sat on the bed. I grabbed the phone from the nightstand and called. My tears started again when Jasper answered the phone. "Jasper, I need you and Alice," I sobbed.

"Bella, what's the matter?" Jasper asked. "You're scaring me."

I just started rambling and hoped Jasper would understand me. "Edward's on the floor, and I can't pick him up. He was pretty upset, and he fell when he tried to get in bed. Then he had a big meltdown and cried himself to sleep. Please Jasper, I need you."

"We're on our way," Jasper said, and the phone clicked.

I hung up and went to the bathroom to wet a washcloth. I went back to the bedroom, sat on the floor, and wiped Edward's tear-stained face. He didn't even stir. I just sat there next to him until I heard the front door open.

Jasper ran breathlessly into the bedroom. "Is he OK, Bella?"

I nodded. "He's asleep. Out like a light. He wore himself out."

Jasper gently lifted Edward from the floor and laid him on the bed. Edward didn't even budge.

"You said he had a big meltdown. What happened?" asked Jasper.

"He started crying and said that he wanted to die. He said that he hated himself and wondered why anyone would love him." I began to cry again as well. "I can't lose him, Jasper. I can't let him do something stupid. I need him too much."

Jasper put his arm around me reassuringly. "He'll be all right. He just needed to let it all out. He's been through so much, and I don't think he's ever had a chance to properly grieve for what he lost. Hopefully this will be a turning point and he'll see that life is worth living."

"I hope so," I replied. "It just hurts to see him like this. Edward always took care of me, and now he's the one who needs to be taken care of. I hope I'm strong enough to handle it."

"You are strong enough," Jasper assured me. "You've been here for Edward every step of the way. You've handled every complication. You've stuck by him when others wouldn't have. You're stronger than you think, Bella. Trust me on this one." He smiled, and I began to feel a little bit better. "Why don't you go out by Alice? I'll sit with Edward in case he wakes up."

I kissed Edward on the forehead and went to find Alice. She was in the kitchen cleaning up.

"Alice, you don't have to do this! I can take care of it!"

Alice shooed me away. "You've had a rough day. Let me do this for you. How's Edward?"

I sighed. "He's asleep, thank goodness. I couldn't believe some of the things he was saying. He actually told me that he wanted to die. How could he say such a thing? He feels useless and damaged. He wanted to know how I could still love him. Doesn't he know that I'll always love him?"

Alice led me to the living room, and we sat on the sofa facing each other. "Bella, you have to realize that Edward's been through a very traumatic experience. One day he's fine and the next he's brain damaged. Right now he doesn't see his supportive fiancée. All he sees is that he's damaged and that he can't be there for you like he wants. He loves you, Bella. I know he does. Give him time to regroup and find himself again. He's not going anywhere. And if he does try to do something stupid, he'll have to answer to me."

I laughed. "I'm not going to bet against you, Alice. You're always reminding me that you're right, so I'm going to believe you."

"Good," Alice said smugly. "It's about time you listened to me."

Alice and I spent the next half hour or so just talking about random things. We were interrupted when Jasper came out of the bedroom. "Is he OK?" I asked as I jumped off the sofa.

Jasper nodded. "He's fine. He woke up, so I helped him get changed and we talked for a bit. He's asking for you now."

I hugged Jasper and Alice tightly. "Thank you so much. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"We love you both very much," Alice said. "Now go take care of that hot man of yours!"

Alice and Jasper left, and I made my way to the bedroom. Edward was sitting up in bed, waiting for me. His eyes were red and puffy, and he began to cry again when he saw me.

"Oh Bella, I'm so s-sorry," he sobbed, but I cut him off with a kiss on his lips.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I told him. "Just promise me that in the future you'll talk to me when you have those feelings. You don't have to deal with this alone."

"I know," he said softly. "I w-want to try the m-meds. The ones for d-de-pre-ssion. Th-think they'll h-help me."

I smiled. "I think so too. You've got to be exhausted now. Let's get some sleep, and we'll talk in the morning."

"I am t-tired," Edward admitted. "And I w-want to t-talk. N-need to t-talk about it."

I quickly changed and joined Edward in bed. He was already half asleep, and I couldn't get over how vulnerable he looked. I knew it would take a while but I couldn't wait for the day when I saw Edward's eyes full of life again.

**I want to wish my readers a very Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for sticking by me as I take on this story. Your reviews and kind words mean more to me than you'll ever know. So many of you have added me to your story alerts, and I'd love to know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9 Somewhere Only We Know

**Hello, dear readers! Here's your latest installment! You really shouldn't need the tissues for this one. I know that I have some younger readers, so I want to warn you--this chapter is why the story has an M rating. **

**As always, I have several people to thank for making this all possible. Bitt, you are the best! I really needed your help with this one, and you were spot on! Thank you, thank you, thank you for getting me through this one! Tara, my BFF--I love you more than Peppermint Mocha Frappuccinos! Thanks for putting up with me over the last few days and answering my crazy text message questions. Dolle BB, I think you love Brainward more than I do! Thanks for being the best fan club president ever.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Capricorn75. She knows why. LOL**

**The song for this chapter is "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight. I own a room full of scrapbooks.**

**Chapter 9—Somewhere Only We Know**

EPOV

I woke up Saturday morning ready to start over. I was upset and embarrassed about my breakdown the night before, but it was something that had to happen. I was tired of keeping my feelings bottled up inside. I knew I had hurt Bella, but I had to tell her the truth.

My face was only inches away from Bella's. She was still asleep, so I closed the short distance between us and kissed her on her luscious lips. She stirred for a moment before opening her beautiful brown eyes.

"Good morning," she said, smiling. "How are you feeling?"

"T-tired. S-s-scared. Re-lie-ved," I admitted. "And I have a h-head-ache."

Bella laughed. "Do you need anything for your headache?"

I nodded. "And I w-want to talk. I'm r-ready."

Bella kissed me on the cheek. "I'll get your meds, and then we'll talk." She got out of bed and left the room.

I managed to sit up even though my head was pounding. I must have gotten a headache from all of last night's yelling and crying. I really was ready to talk, headache or not. I had hit rock bottom, and I wanted to climb my way back up.

Bella came back with my pills and a glass of water. Thankfully I was no longer using a narcotic for my headaches. I hated the way they made me feel, and I didn't want to be drugged up when I talked to Bella. I took my headache medicine along with my pills for seizures and high blood pressure and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

I took a deep breath and began. "I'm s-sorry about l-last night. I kn-know I up-set you, b-but th-that's how I r-rea-lly feel. I do w-wan-na die. M-my life is a n-nigh-m-mare. So un-h-happy. I l-love you so much, b-but I f-feel like it m-may not be e-en-enough."

Bella had tears in her eyes. "Edward, I had no idea you were feeling this way. It kills me to see you so despondent. I need you to tell me how you feel, no matter what." She paused for a moment. "How could you ever doubt my love for you? How could you ever think that I wouldn't want you? Suppose our situation was reversed. What if I was in your position? Would you want me to give up? Would you stop loving me?"

"Of c-course not," I replied. "I w-will al-ways l-love you."

"I feel the same way about you, Edward," she said. "I will love you no matter what. You're mine, and you always will be."

"J-just so angry," I told her. "My l-life has ch-chan-ged, so d-do-do, you know w-what I m-mean. C-can't do a-ny-thing. F-feel like l-less of a man, l-less of a p-per-son. D-don't w-want to l-live my l-life that way. C-can't help but w-wonder why th-this ha-hap-pened to me. Is God m-mad at me? D-did I do s-some-thing wr-wrong? Why?"

"I don't know. I wish I did," Bella replied sadly. "I'm sure God isn't mad at you, nor did you do anything wrong. I'm also sure that God has a plan for us, even if we don't know what it is yet."

"N-not sure if I b-be-lieve in God a-ny-more," I practically whispered.

Bella looked shocked. "How can you say that? How can you not believe in God?"

"Wh-why w-would He do this t-to me?"

"Edward, questioning the existence of God isn't going to make this any better. You survived for a reason. Like I said last night, you have every reason to be angry. Just don't let your anger consume you. Fight. Turn your anger into something positive. Do something about it."

"W-wish it was th-that easy," I said. "I'm n-not l-living. J-just ex-ex-exis, ugh! S-see? I c-can't even t-talk!"

"I want you to get better," Bella said, taking my hands. "You can feel however you want to feel, but I will not allow you to take yourself away from me. You said you wouldn't give up on me if I was the one who was sick. Well I'm not about to give up on you. Please, Edward, I can't let you go."

I was beginning to understand where Bella was coming from. Of course I'd always love her, damaged or whole. She felt the same way about me. She loved me unconditionally. She truly loved me, illness and all. Even when I hated myself because of my stroke, she still loved me. I really was ready to pull myself out of the pit of despair that I was in, but I didn't know how.

"H-how? H-how c-can I get b-better?" I asked her.

"You're going to have to work very hard," Bella explained. "You have to tell me how you're feeling, no matter how bad it is. Let me help you. Let your family help you."

I sighed. "I'll t-try. P-promise."

"Good," Bella said. "Do you want to stay in bed a little longer? You need your rest."

"S-still t-tired. W-wan-na sleep s-some m-more."

"You know, we can cancel our plans for this evening and stay home instead," Bella told me. Tonight was Elizabeth's big date. We were going to my parents' house to see her off to the dance, and then we were having dinner with the gang.

"N-no. W-wanna go," I insisted. "M-might f-feel bet-ter if I go."

"I think so too," agreed Bella. "Now get some rest." She kissed me on the top of my head and left me to go back to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later feeling much better. Bella and I hung out around the house for most of the day. Eventually we had to get ready to go to my parents' house. I didn't want to intimidate Elizabeth's date since I was pretty sure Emmett would, so I just threw on a polo shirt with jeans and tennis shoes and grabbed a baseball cap on the way out. My hair was starting to grow back, but my scar was still visible. I didn't care if my family saw it, but I was self-conscious around strangers.

Bella and I let ourselves in when we got to my parents' house, and we found my father and Emmett in the den. Bitt only wanted the immediate family here when her date picked her up, so we were meeting Jasper and Alice afterwards.

Carlisle greeted both of us with hugs. "Esme and Rosalie are up in Elizabeth's room getting her ready," he told Bella. She nodded and went upstairs to join them. I followed Carlisle back into the den.

"Hey little bro, what's up?" Emmett asked me. "Are you OK? Your eyes are all red."

Crap. My eyes were still bloodshot from last night. Oh well. It was time to fess up.

"No, I'm n-not OK," I replied. "H-ha-ven't b-been OK for a wh-while."

"I talked to Dr. Snow yesterday, and he told me what happened," Carlisle said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded, but Emmett looked confused. "What's going on? Oh God, it's something serious, isn't it?" Emmett was upset.

I tried to speak, but I couldn't get the words out. I looked at my father pleadingly.

Carlisle nodded and spoke. "Edward was diagnosed with depression at his doctor's visit yesterday, but apparently he didn't handle it too well."

"What? Are you serious? Is that why you've been pouting like a girl?" Emmett could be so eloquent at times.

"Y-yes, Em," I said, rolling my eyes. "B-been d-de-de-pressed. D-don't w-wan-na live. F-feel like d-dying."

"You what?!" Emmett yelled, jumping off of the sofa. "Have you lost your fucking mind?!"

"Emmett," Carlisle said sharply, and Emmett sat down. "Your brother is going through something very traumatic. He's not going to be whistling show tunes. He needs to deal with it all."

"S-so hard," I told them. "F-feel use-less, l-like I h-have no r-reason to l-live. W-wan-na die s-some-times." I could feel the tears in my eyes as I spoke.

"No!" Emmett exclaimed as he jumped off of the sofa again. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again! Don't you dare say that!"

"S-sorry, Em, b-but it's true," I replied as the tears started to flow. "You d-don't know wh-what it's l-like. C-can't do a-a-nything. I'm d-damaged, b-broken. Had a b-break-down last n-night. Yelled, c-cried, th-threw th-things. Told B-bella I didn't de-de-serve to live." I stopped for a moment and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "W-want to get b-bet-ter. D-don't know how."

Carlisle looked at me, his face a mixture of sadness and concern. "I really think the anti-depressants will help. They won't work overnight, but just give them a chance."

"G-going to take th-them," I said softly. "I n-need help." There. I admitted it.

"Edward, don't give up," pleaded Emmett. "We almost lost you once. We can't lose you. We can't. I'll do whatever I can to help. We all will. Promise me you won't give up." For a moment I thought Emmett was going to cry. Instead, he grabbed me in a huge bear hug.

I did the only thing I could. I laughed. "Em, c-can't b-breathe!"

"Made you laugh!" Emmett boomed as he stood up. "I missed that. I'm your big brother, and I'm going to look out for you whether you like it or not."

"N-now you're s-scaring me."

"That's cause I'm a scary guy," Emmett replied. "Why do you think I'm here to meet Bitt's date? I'm the protector, and I take my job seriously."

Carlisle shook his head and chuckled. "OK, Mr. Protector, calm down before your sister comes downstairs. Do you really want to make her angry?"

"Make who angry?" Rosalie asked as she came downstairs followed by Bella and Esme.

"Em th-thinks he can s-scare Bitt's d-date," I told her.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "I don't think I can scare him. I know I can."

"Emmett, your sister will never forgive you if you embarrass her or Colby tonight," Esme warned him. "This is a big night for her, and I don't want you to ruin it."

The rest of us tried hard not to laugh. My mother knew exactly how to keep Emmett in line. Big, giant Emmett could be scary, but the truth was that he was scared of our tiny mother. Esme was small, but she was tough.

"Where's Elizabeth? Is she coming down before Colby gets here?" Carlisle asked.

"She'll be down in a minute." Esme had barely gotten the words out when Elizabeth came down the stairs.

My baby sister looked so grown up. She was wearing a familiar-looking strapless dress, which surprised me. I couldn't believe my parents would let her wear that. Her short bob was sleek, and her make-up wasn't overdone. I presumed Rose had worked her magic.

Carlisle was beaming with pride. "You look beautiful."

"Beautiful?! She's wearing that dress again!" Emmett practically shouted. "This kid's gonna think he's got an open invitation to cop a feel or something!"

Elizabeth stood in front of Emmett with one hand on her hip, and she pointed at him with the other. "Don't start, Emmett. You will not embarrass me or Colby. We've had the dress discussion already. Mom and Dad approve, and that's all that matters."

Bitt's rant was cut short by the doorbell. Esme squealed and clapped her hands. Emmett cracked his knuckles.

"Behave," Carlisle said as he went to answer the door. Everyone sat down and waited. I heard the door open and voices in the foyer. Then Carlisle came back in the den with Colby and his parents.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing when I saw Colby, and I noticed Bella and Rosalie doing the same thing. He was about 4'11" and probably only weighed 75 pounds soaking wet. Emmett could have crushed this kid by just looking at him.

Carlisle handled the introductions. "Everyone, this is Colby Ryan and his parents Matt and Lorraine. This is my wife Esme," he said motioning to Esme with his hand.

Esme got up to shake their hands. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Same here," Lorraine replied. "Elizabeth is a lovely girl."

Carlisle smiled. "Thank you. I'd like you to meet our other children. This is our oldest son Emmett and his wife Rosalie, and this is our son Edward. I'm sure you know his fiancée Bella from school."

Matt and Lorraine nodded, and Colby gave Bella a small wave. "Hey, Ms. Swan," he said. "We really miss you."

Bella smiled wistfully. "Thanks, Colby. I miss you all too."

"So, do you have any plans besides the dance?" Rosalie asked them.

"We're going to eat at Venezia's with Steph, Allie, and Jenn and their dates before the dance," Bitt said.

Emmett stood up and tried to look menacing. "And what about after the dance? What do you plan to do then?" Colby gulped audibly, and Bitt glared.

"We'll probably come home afterwards," Bitt said, giving Emmett the evil eye. She wasn't very happy with "The Protector."

Esme insisted on taking pictures before Bitt and Colby left. I could see the fear in Colby's eyes when Emmett told him goodbye.

"He looks like a weasel," Emmett said. "I don't trust him."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Emmett, you nearly scared the boy to death. How can you call him a weasel?"

"Really? You really think I scared him?" Emmett was way too excited at that prospect.

"I don't know if you scared him," Carlisle replied, "but you made Elizabeth mad. Do you really want to deal with the consequences of that?"

"How can you be so calm about this? Aren't you the least bit concerned about this whole date thing?" Emmett asked incredulously.

Carlisle shook his head. "Your sister is a smart girl. I like to think that she'll make the right choices. She's growing up. We can't lock her up until she's 21." Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but Carlisle cut him off. "That's enough, Emmett. She's not your daughter. Your mother and I will handle this."

"Hmph, when I have a daughter, I'm locking her up in a convent until she's 30," Emmett muttered under his breath. Bella and I looked at each other and tried not to laugh.

We stayed a little longer at my parents' until it was time to leave to meet Jasper and Alice at our favorite Chinese restaurant. My mother hugged me tightly before I left.

"Remember that we're all here for you, honey," Esme whispered in my ear. "I love you, and I will do anything to help you get better."

Bella had apparently told her what happened. I hated worrying my mother. "I kn-know, Mom. I l-love you too. Th-thanks."

On the way to the restaurant, Bella and I laughed about how Emmett had scared the crap out of poor Colby. It felt so good to laugh again. I hoped this was the first of many happy days to come.

Jasper and Alice were already at the restaurant and had a table when we arrived. Rosalie had them laughing hysterically as she told them how Emmett tried to intimidate Colby.

"Why do I have a feeling that Elizabeth wasn't too happy about your scare tactics?" Alice asked through her laughter.

"Oh trust me, she wasn't," Rosalie replied. "Em honey, you're going to be dealing with the wrath of an angry teenage girl, and it's not going to be pretty."

Emmett looked at us in shock. "Why am I the only one worried about this situation? Elizabeth is on a date. In a strapless dress. With a boy. What's wrong with this picture?"

"G-give it a r-rest, Em," I told him.

Emmett looked at me like I was crazy. "You mean to tell me you're OK with this?"

I rolled my eyes. "D-dad's right. She's not our d-dau-ghter. C-can't do a-an-anything about it."

Emmett got completely flustered because none of us agreed with him, so he finally dropped the subject. Our waitress came to take our order, and then I spoke.

"G-guys, I n-need to a-ap-apo-lo-gize."

"Apologize? For what?" Jasper wanted to know.

"For the w-way I've b-been ac-ting. I haven't b-been v-very pl-plea-sant lately," I said.

"Edward, you have nothing to be sorry about," Jasper replied. "You had a stroke. I think we can understand if you've been in a bad mood. Don't worry about it."

I looked at all of them before speaking again. "I n-need h-help. Want t-to get b-bet-ter. I don't kn-know how. C-can't do it alone. So f-f-frus-tra-ted."

Alice reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "We'll help you. We'll do whatever we can. You're not alone on this journey. We all love you very much and want you to get better."

I didn't want to cry in public, so I took several deep breaths to calm myself. "I kn-know you all l-love me, b-but I w-won-der if it's e-en-nough. M-most of the t-time I wan-na d-die." Everyone seemed to want to speak, but I held up my hand to stop them. "S-sor-ry but it's tr-true. Get s-so t-tired. F-feel l-like I'm not g-gon-na get b-bet-ter. C-can't do a-any-thing. W-want my l-life back. Y-you d-don't know how h-hard it's b-been for me."

Alice was still squeezing my hand, and now Rosalie grabbed both of our hands. "You're right," Rosalie said. "We don't know how hard it's been. But Alice is right, too. We love you, and we will help you. Please don't shut us out, Edward, especially Bella. We need both of you."

I smiled. "Th-thanks. You g-guys are the b-best."

Emmett put his hand on top of mine, Alice's, and Rose's, and Bella and Jasper followed suit. "We're in this together, like it or not," Emmett said. We all looked at each other and laughed.

As the evening progressed, I began to realize how lucky I was. I had a family who loved me and wanted me to get better. I knew I still had a long way to go, but I finally felt like there was a glimmer of hope for me.

I was exhausted by the end of the night. Emmett helped me into the car when it was time to leave, and everyone gave me huge hugs before we left.

"You're smiling," Bella said as she drove home. "I missed that."

"I m-mis-sed s-smiling," I replied. "F-feels g-good. F-fina-l-ly f-feel some hope. G-glad I t-talked about it."

"I am too. You'd better keep talking," Bella told me. "Don't ever shut me out like that again."

"I won't," I promised.

As soon as we got home, Bella helped me change and get into bed. I was so tired that I was almost asleep until I noticed Bella changing into her pajamas, and I began to wake up some. I'd been so busy being miserable and depressed that I hadn't taken much time lately to appreciate how beautiful Bella was. I may have missed smiling, but there was no denying that I missed my fiancée's body even more. Even Little Edward got happy. Needless to say I had great dreams that night.

When I woke up Sunday morning, Bella's head was resting on my chest. It felt so natural, so right. I played with her hair, and she began to stir.

"G-good m-mor-n-ning," I told her.

"Well, good morning to you," she said, sitting up so she could kiss me. "Did you sleep well?"

"Su-sure did," I replied. "S-slept like a b-baby. Only h-happy d-dr-eams."

We lay there like that for a few more minutes until Bella got up to take a shower. As she made her way to the bathroom, I got an idea. I knew I couldn't pull it off on my own, but I knew who could help me. I grabbed the phone off the nightstand, found the number in speed dial, and hit send.

"Alice, I n-need h-help with s-some-thing."

BPOV

As the week went on, I could see a change in Edward. He still had many moments of frustration, but he was finally working through it. He talked to me a lot more and was a lot more open. Emmett still came by every evening, and he and Edward would laugh and joke with each other. I finally felt like I was getting my Edward back.

Of course things weren't perfect. Edward was still having problems with his left leg. He started the medication that Dr. Snow had prescribed for the spasticity and was waiting impatiently for it to work. He desperately wanted to walk again and was determined to do so.

Edward and I were enjoying a lazy Saturday at home when the doorbell rang. I wasn't surprised because the gang often came by on the weekends to hang out. I was surprised, though, when I opened the door to find Rosalie and Alice looking positively lethal.

"What's up? Is everything OK?" I asked, confused.

"You're coming with us," Alice answered in a very serious tone. "If you come willingly, it will be less painful."

I had no idea what was going on. "What are you talking about? I can't leave Edward alone."

"Emmett and Jasper are on their way," Rose replied. "They'll take care of Edward while we take care of you."

"J-just go, l-love. I'll b-be OK," Edward called out. He was obviously in on whatever was going on.

"Nope. I want answers," I said stubbornly.

"You won't get any answers, so you might as well give up and come with us," Alice said in that same serious tone. "Now let's get going."

Alice and Rosalie practically dragged me out of the house and into Rose's red convertible. They refused to answer any of my questions as they drove me to who knows where.

We finally pulled up in front of a day spa. "What are we doing at the spa?" I asked them.

"We're getting you ready for your big night!" Alice said excitedly.

"My big night? What are you talking about?" I was more confused than ever.

"You'll find out soon enough," Rose told me. "Today you're scheduled for a massage, a Brazilian, a manicure, and a pedicure. Then Alice and I will take care of your hair and makeup."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "A Brazilian? Why on earth would I need a Brazilian?"

"Patience, my dear Bella," Rose said. "I promise it will be worth it."

Thankfully the Brazilian was first on the agenda so I could relax and enjoy the rest of the day. I had to admit that the massage was heavenly. It really helped my still slightly sore back. I even enjoyed the mani and pedi. When my spa treatments were finished, I was whisked off to Alice's house where she and Rose did my hair and makeup. They kept things natural looking, thank goodness. I had on just enough makeup, and my hair had been straightened.

Finally, Rose pulled out a garment bag. "Time to get dressed!"

I unzipped the bag and gasped when I saw my favorite blue dress in there. It was the dress I was wearing when Edward proposed. "OK, seriously, what's going on?"

Rose only smiled. "You'll find out soon enough. Now get dressed."

I got dressed and we were back in Rose's car, heading downtown. I finally stopped asking questions because I knew they wouldn't be answered. Eventually Rose pulled up in front of the Fairmont Olympic, one of Seattle's nicest hotels.

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me why we're at a five-star hotel," I said.

"Just go inside. You'll find out," Alice told me. I shrugged, got out of the car, and went inside.

I walked into the hotel lobby, not sure what I was looking for, and then I saw him. Edward was in the lobby waiting for me. I had almost forgotten how handsome he was. He had lost a lot of weight since his stroke and he only had a bit of peach fuzz on his head, but he was still beautiful to me. He looked quite dashing in a black button-down shirt and gray pants. He smiled and wheeled himself over when he saw me.

"You l-look b-beau-ti-ful," he said, kissing my hand.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I told him. "Are you going to tell me what's going on? Nobody else will."

"I h-have a sp-special eve-ning p-planned for us," Edward replied, leading me to the elevators.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, shocked.

"You'll s-see," was all Edward said as we rode up in the elevator.

I followed Edward down the hall when we reached our floor. We finally stopped, and Edward handed me a room key. "C-can you g-get the door? A l-lit-tle hard for me."

I opened the door and gasped for the second time that evening. It wasn't just a room; it was the most beautiful suite I had ever seen. I teared up. "Edward, how did you do this?"

He smiled his beautiful crooked smile. "Alice he-helped me. You de-de-serve it. You've p-put up w-with so much l-lately. We b-both n-need th-this."

I was speechless. I couldn't believe Edward had pulled this off. He had done many romantic things over the years, but this was the sweetest thing ever.

EPOV

My plan worked. Bella was completely surprised. I owed Alice big time for this. When I had called her last Sunday and told her what I wanted to do, she was so excited. I couldn't have planned it better myself.

Bella was exploring the room when there was a knock at the door. "D-din-ner," I told her as I wheeled myself to the door and opened it. The room service waiter brought in our steak and lobster dinner and opened a bottle of wine before leaving us to eat.

"C-can you h-help me?" I asked Bella, motioning to my plate. I wasn't ashamed anymore to ask for help when I needed it.

Bella cut my meat and then poured each of us a glass of wine. "Are you sure you should be drinking this?"

"Ch-checked with my d-dad. OK to have a l-lit-tle." I wasn't going to let anything spoil this night.

Dinner was wonderful. Bella and I talked about things completely unrelated to my health, and for once I felt normal. After having chocolate mousse for dessert, I wheeled over to the stereo and put on some music.

"D-dance with me," I told Bella.

"Dance with you? How?" she giggled.

I patted my lap and motioned for her to come over to me. She did, and I wheeled her around the room. We both laughed as we enjoyed our little dance.

"You're awfully light on your feet," Bella teased.

"S-s-soon I'm g-gon-na d-dance with you for r-real," I promised her.

"I know you will," she said turning to face me. "I love you."

I pulled her closer with my good hand and gently pressed my lips to hers. It didn't take me long to deepen our kiss, and Bella moaned into my mouth. My body reacted instantly, and Little Edward got very happy. I wanted more, I needed more. I reached around to the back of her dress and unzipped it slowly, feeling the bare skin of her back on my fingertips. I pulled myself away from Bella's lips and began kissing down her neck, nipping and tasting her. I knew she enjoyed it because she tilted her head back to give me easier access.

"B-bella, I w-want you," I panted. "N-need to be w-with you."

Then she said something I never expected. "No, Edward. We can't."

"Oh. So you d-don't w-want me l-like that." There was no way I could keep the hurt out of my voice, and I prayed I wouldn't cry. "I th-thought you l-loved me."

"Of course I love you and want you!" Bella exclaimed. "I thought you knew that. I'm just scared. Are you sure it's OK?"

"I'm p-pos-i-tive. I as-ked my dad." We both laughed. "I'm s-sca-red too, b-but I w-want to try. C-can we p-please try?'

Bella responded by kissing me with more passion than I ever thought possible. I wheeled us to the bedroom, which was a little awkward considering Bella was on my lap and I was kissing her. We made it in one piece, though. Bella stood up and slipped off her dress. I watched as it fell to the ground in a blue puddle at her feet. I trailed my eyes up the length of her legs, taking in every curve or her body. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She carefully helped me to the bed and, I lay on my back as she straddled me. Her little hands worked quickly, unbuttoning my shirt and kissing down my chest as she went along. I could feel sparks of electricity with each kiss. I sat up a little to discard my shirt. When I lay back down, Bella leaned over and kissed the middle of my chest right where my heart was. I sighed contentedly.

I reached behind Bella to unhook her bra. I was a little clumsy doing it because of my weak left hand, but I managed. Once her bra was out of the way, I gave her breasts lots of attention. It had been far too long since I had touched Bella like this, and I missed it. I was worried about my touch being awkward, but the noises Bella was making told me otherwise.

I felt Bella's hips shift position as she slid down my body to undo my pants. She pulled them off, and my boxer briefs weren't far behind. Before I knew it we were both naked and ready to give ourselves to each other. Suddenly Bella began to giggle nervously as she bit on her bottom lip.

"Uh, Edward, I'm just wondering…what's the best way to do this?"

I had to laugh as well. Bella was right. What _was_ the best way to do this? It wasn't like there was a handbook for post-stroke sex. I didn't think I was strong enough to be on top. I was afraid of falling and crushing Bella. I would have to let her take the lead.

"I th-think you n-need to be on t-top," I told her. "D-don't want to c-crush you if I c-can't hold my-my-self up."

Bella nodded and knelt over me. "Are you sure? Are you ready for this?"

"N-never b-been more r-ready," I said honestly. I had gone far too long without this.

Bella slowly lowered herself on me, and I groaned in pleasure. I propped myself up on my elbows as much as I could, and Bella leaned down to kiss me. Our tongues moved in sync with our lower bodies. I wrapped my right leg around her, pulling her closer to me. I couldn't keep myself propped up for long because my hands were aching to touch her. I lay back on the bed and let my hands roam all over Bella's beautiful body, massaging and gently showing her how much I loved her. Her moans let me know that she was enjoying this just as much as I was.

We continued our movements together, and I could feel a tightening in the pit of my stomach. "B-bella, k-keep g-going. G-get-ting close." I cried out in pleasure.

"Me too, Edward," she panted. "God, I've missed you so much."

Then she leaned over and bit down on my nipple. "Ungh, B-bella, so g-good." I lifted my hips as much as I could, wanting to fill Bella as completely as possible.

I couldn't hold on any longer, and my body tensed as I climaxed. Bella came at the same time, and we rode out our orgasms together. We had made love many times, but I didn't think it had ever been this great.

"Oh Edward, that was amazing," Bella said as she rolled over and lay next to me. "I can't believe I didn't want to do this."

I kissed her on her forehead. "I l-love you so m-much. C-can't b-be-lieve I d-d-doubted y-your l-love for me. W-why did I e-ver th-think you w-wouldn't w-want me? I'll n-never do th-that a-gain."

I was absolutely exhausted, which didn't go unnoticed by Bella. "You need some sleep. I guess I wore you out tonight." She covered us with the sheet, kissed my cheek, and snuggled next to me. I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Bella and I woke up at the same time the next morning. She gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. "Thank you so much for a wonderful night."

I kissed her back. "Th-thank you. F-felt a-ma-zing. F-felt n-nor-mal." I sat up and smiled. "You kn-know, th-there's a big sh-shower w-with a s-seat. We sh-should try it."

"I'd love to try it out," she said, snuggling into my chest.

We lay in bed for a few more minutes before getting up to shower. Bella turned on the water and made sure the temperature was OK before helping me in. We spent more time touching and kissing than we did washing. We stayed in there until we were shriveled.

After drying and dressing, we ordered breakfast. We were almost finished eating when I reached across the table and took Bella's hand.

"B-bella, w-will you m-marry me?" I asked her.

Bella looked at me strangely. "You're asking me to marry you? We're already engaged."

"N-no, I w-want to get m-mar-ried w-when we were s-sup-posed to. W-want to get m-mar-ried in July."

"Edward, that's only four months away," she said. "Do you think we can pull it off?"

"We c-can do it," I insisted. "S-some-thing s-small. W-we'll h-have it at my p-parents' house. P-please?"

Bella sighed. "Do you really think our families will let us get away with a small wedding?"

I nodded. "W-we'll t-tell them I c-can't han-dle a big w-wed-ding. B-bella, I r-rea-lly w-want this."

"I do too," she said, looking at me tenderly. "Oh, why not? Let's do it! Let's get married!"

I wheeled myself next to Bella so I could kiss her properly. I was beyond ecstatic. I felt like I had another reason to live. I was going to marry my Bella. She would finally be my wife.

Unfortunately, we had to go back to reality. We checked out of the hotel and headed home. Once we were home, Bella called everyone to inform them of a family meeting at our house that evening. We wanted to tell them in person about our wedding plans. I couldn't wait to see their reactions when we told them.

I didn't think the evening would ever arrive, but it eventually did and our family was impatiently gathered in our living room. They had no clue as to what was going on. They were getting antsy, so we finally decided to tell them.

Bella stood behind me with her hands on my shoulders. "Edward and I have an announcement to make. We're getting married!"

Everyone looked at us like we were nuts. "We know you're getting married," Emmett said. "Why is it suddenly big news?"

"We decided we wanted to get married on July 19 like we originally planned," Bella explained.

Our family erupted into cheers and squeals. There was lots of hugging, and I seriously thought I was going to get crushed.

"Oh gosh, there's so much to do!" Alice exclaimed. "We need to find a place for the wedding, then there's dresses, food, decorations…"

Bella cut her off. "Alice, this is going to be a small wedding. We are not letting this get out of hand. Edward and I have the final say on everything."

Alice pouted. "But Bella, this is a big day for you. I want it to be perfect."

"It will be perfect," Bella insisted. "It'll be perfect because I'm marrying Edward." She squeezed my hand, and I looked up at her and smiled.

"M-mom, D-dad, we want to have the w-wed-ding at your house," I said.

Esme had tears in her eyes. "Of course. I'd love it if you got married at the house."

The rest of the evening was spent making wedding plans. Actually, the rest of the week was spent making wedding plans. Bella was the one who had to make most of the decisions, but I was consulted on several matters. I really didn't care as long as Bella was happy.

A week later, we were at my parents' house for a barbecue. The women were inside, still discussing wedding plans, while the men were out on the patio watching Carlisle at the grill. My father took his barbecue seriously, and we never interfered. It was quite funny, really.

The food was soon ready, and the girls came out to join us. I suddenly began to feel funny and zoned out for a minute.

"Edward? Edward, are you OK?" I heard Bella, but she seemed so far away.

"B-bella, f-feel b-bad. S-some-thing's wr-wrong."

I never heard Bella's response because I blacked out.


	10. Chapter 10 Green Eyes

**Yeah, so I've got no good excuses for taking so long to post this chapter. Real life was busy, and I put Brainward in a corner. I know, no one puts Brainward in a corner, so I hope you can forgive me, especially after I left y'all with that evil cliffie. Mean Birdee!**

**I must thank and send lots of hugs to the greatest beta ever, Bittenev. Not only did she help me tremendously with this chapter, but she also helped me with a personal crisis. Thank you so very much for letting me cry on your shoulder and for being so encouraging. I don't think I'd have gotten through that mess without you. I love you, and you are a wonderful friend!**

**Thanks too to my dear friend GuineaPigBarbie. You just let me vent when I needed to and never told me to get lost. I love you too!**

**I really need to thank the folks who run and . I use those sites constantly for research! I may be able to get my M.D. once I finish this story!**

**I've added links on my profile to the wonderful authors I beta. Please take the time to check out their amazing stories! I also have a link to the Chapter 10 song, "Green Eyes" by Coldplay.**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all things Twilight. I own a shiny new pink cell phone.**

**Chapter 10—Green Eyes**

BPOV

"B-bella, f-feel b-bad. S-some-thing's wr-wrong," Edward said before he began to tremble violently.

"Carlisle!" I called out. "I think he's having a seizure!"

Before Carlisle or anyone else could respond, Edward fell to the ground, taking his wheelchair with him. His head hit the concrete with a sickening thud. To make matters worse, it was the right side of his head, the side where he had his two surgeries. I could see blood as well. I was petrified.

"Emmett, grab a cushion!" Carlisle yelled. Emmett got a seat cushion from one of the patio chairs, and Carlisle placed it under Edward's head.

"Should I call 911?" Rosalie asked nervously.

"Yes, and I need my bag from my study," Carlisle replied.

Rosalie pulled out her phone to call 911 while Emmett ran inside to get Carlisle's bag. I buried my face in my father's chest and cried, unable to look at Edward thrashing about on the ground. I was afraid I was going to be sick. Charlie just held me and let me cry.

It got quiet a minute or so later, and I finally allowed myself to turn around. Edward's seizure was over, and he was on his back while Carlisle examined him. I could see a huge cut on his forehead that was bleeding profusely. I tried to break free of Charlie's embrace, but he held me tightly.

"I know, Bells, but let Carlisle check him out first," Charlie said gently. "Just wait a minute."

"No, Dad," I sobbed. "I can't lose him. Not now."

"Edward's not going anywhere. Don't panic, honey. He'll be OK." Charlie was doing his best to reassure me, but it wasn't working.

Emmett had come outside with Carlisle's bag, and the two of them were kneeling next to Edward. Emmett was holding Edward's hand, and he looked scared. That didn't help me much.

Carlisle opened Edward's eyes and shined a penlight in them. "Damn, his pupils are fixed and dilated."

"What does that mean?" Emmett asked, fear evident in his voice.

Carlisle let out a huge sigh. "It means he's suffered a head injury from when he fell."

"No!" I screamed, finally escaping from Charlie's grasp. "No!" I practically knocked Emmett out of the way as I sat on the ground next to Edward.

"Calm down, Bella," Carlisle told me. "It may be less serious than it looks." The look on his face, though, told me otherwise.

Emmett put his arm around me protectively. I looked up and saw nothing but shock and sadness on the faces of our family. Renee was hugging Esme, doing her best to comfort her. Jasper and Alice were attempting to console Elizabeth, who was hysterical. Charlie and Rosalie just looked lost.

The ambulance arrived shortly, and Edward was taken to the hospital. I rode there with Emmett and Rose. Emmett drove like an Indy car driver. Every now and then he'd curse under his breath, but otherwise no one spoke.

Edward was already in the ER when we arrived at the hospital, so all we could do was wait. Fortunately, Edward's friend Mike Newton came out to talk to us. He looked as shocked and upset as we did.

"Edward was just taken for a CT and an MRI," Mike told us. "Carlisle's with him and Dr. Snow is on his way in. We really won't know much until we get the results."

"Is he awake?" I asked shakily.

Mike shook his head. "He's still unconscious. Like I said, we'll know more once we get the scans. I'll keep you posted." He then went back into the ER.

"Dammit!" Emmett shouted as he got up and began to pace around the waiting room. "We were just getting our old Edward back! Why the hell is this happening to him?! Why?!"

Elizabeth ran over to Emmett, and he hugged her tightly. "I want him back, Em," she sobbed. "I want Edward back."

"I know, Bitt, I know," Emmett said, trying to stay calm. I could tell it wasn't easy for him. "Dad's going to make sure he's OK. Edward's come a long way. He's going to fight to come back to us. He has to."

Alice was sitting next to me, and she reached over and took my hand. "Emmett's right, you know. I've seen our old Edward over the last couple of weeks, and he's going to fight like hell to get better. I'm sure this is just a minor setback. He'll be OK, Bella."

"He has to. He has to be OK," I said tearfully. "Seeing him depressed and ready to die was worse than seeing him in a coma. I need him. I can't live without him."

"And I'm praying you'll never be without him," Alice replied.

Carlisle and Dr. Snow came into the waiting room about half an hour later. The look on Carlisle's face made me nervous.

"How is he? What's going on?" Emmett asked.

"Edward suffered a head injury when he fell," Dr. Snow began. "His brain is swelling. It doesn't appear to be life threatening right now, but we have to monitor him very closely. He also has a linear skull fracture. Normally I wouldn't be concerned, but the fracture is on the bone flap from his surgeries. That hasn't fully healed yet, so I'm worried that any unnecessary movement may cause the bone to shift and protrude into the brain."

"So what does all of this mean?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm going to put Edward into a medically induced coma," Dr. Snow replied. "His brain needs time to heal, and I think this is the best way to do it. It's not without its risks, but I don't feel like we have a better alternative right now. I'm going to start him on Mannitol and steroids to bring the swelling down, and I'm also going to insert a shunt to monitor the pressure in his brain. He'll be in ICU for a few days until the danger passes."

"Will he be OK once this is over?" Emmett wanted to know.

"I hope so," Dr. Snow told him. "Unfortunately there's no way to tell right now if there's been any further brain damage."

I began to cry again. "Is he on a vent? And when can I see him?"

Dr. Snow nodded. "Yes. It's just to make sure he's getting enough oxygen to the brain. You'll be able to see him in a couple of hours. I want to put in the shunt and start the IV meds before we send him to ICU. Once he's settled there you can see him. I'll let you know when." He headed back into the ER, but Carlisle stayed with us.

"Is he really going to be OK?" Esme asked nervously. "Please tell me he's going to come out of this. I don't know if I can go through this again. I need my baby to be OK."

"I honestly think he's going to be fine, but we have to take all of these precautions because of his condition," Carlisle explained. "I'd rather go through all of this and have Edward be OK than to ignore it and possibly have him worsen. I will say that I'm worried about the seizures. Epilepsy can develop after a brain injury like Edward's, but I was really hoping it wouldn't. I'm sure Dr. Snow is going to treat it aggressively, though."

Carlisle eventually went back to be with Edward, so the rest of us were left to wait. We moved up to the ICU waiting room, biding our time until we could see Edward. Jasper and Charlie went to get food for everyone. I really didn't have much of an appetite, but Renee insisted that I eat something. Finally, Carlisle came out to the waiting room.

"Edward's all settled," he told us. "I want to take Esme, Bella, Emmett, and Elizabeth in first. The rest of you can see him afterwards."

Carlisle led us back to Edward's room. I wasn't too surprised to see him hooked up to all of the monitors. The shunt had been inserted in the top of his head, and the ventilator tube was in place. The right side of his face and head was bruised and scraped, and the cut on his forehead was bandaged. What did surprise me was that his IVs had been put in his neck.

"Why does he have the IV there?" I asked.

"We needed a few ports to give him the medications he needed, so we thought it best to put in a central line. It's in his neck rather than his chest so it will be easier to remove when it's time," Carlisle explained. "He's on a few different meds, Mannitol and steroids for swelling, Dilantin for the seizures, and of course the sedatives."

Elizabeth clung to Emmett, crying softly. "How long are you going to keep him like this?" she wanted to know. "Is he in any pain?"

"He's not in pain," Carlisle replied. "The medications are taking care of that. He'll be in the coma for a few days, depending on how fast his brain heals."

Esme took Edward's hand. "My baby. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. I love you. We all do. We're here for you."

Elizabeth was still upset, so Emmett took her back to the waiting room. Esme stayed a little longer before going out to check on Elizabeth. I resumed my position of sitting next to Edward's bed, holding his hand, just like I had when he first had his stroke. I couldn't believe I was doing it again. I was crying and so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even hear Alice and Jasper come in.

"Bella? Are you all right?" Alice asked.

"No, I'm not," I told her. "Why is this happening to him? I'm so scared. What if he's suffered more brain damage? What if this slows his progress? What's going to happen if he continues to have seizures? He was just starting to accept everything and move on. As selfish as it sounds, I don't know if I could handle it. I need him to be OK." I was panicking now. I was almost physically ill. How could I go on without my Edward? The answer to that was easy. I couldn't.

"I don't think it's selfish at all," Alice replied gently as she rubbed my back, doing her best to calm me. "I'm scared too, Bella. Edward's come so far. He has to come out of this OK."

I was still tears continued to pour down my cheeks. They clouded my vision, and I rubbed them away with the palm of my hand so I could see Edward more clearly. "I need to see his eyes open. I need him to talk to me, to hold me. I need to plan our wedding. I need to see him smile and hear his laugh. I need to have him make love to me. I just need him."

Now I was crying even harder. Alice and Jasper hugged me tightly, as if I'd fall apart if they let me go. The truth was that I probably would have fallen apart. At that moment, they were holding me together. The love of my life, my rock, was in a coma again. It was killing me to see Edward lying there like that. So many people went through life never having to deal with a situation like this. Why was it happening to Edward? What had he done to deserve this?

"I want my Edward back," I sobbed. "I can't handle this again. I can't do it."

"Bells?" We looked up to see Rosalie entering the room, followed by Emmett. They both joined in the group hug. I realized that we were all holding each other together. They all loved Edward too. This whole thing was hard on me, but it was just as hard on them. Emmett could be a goofball, but he really was a very sweet guy. Seeing his younger brother in a coma yet again had to be extremely difficult. Jasper and Edward were lifelong friends, and as calm as Jasper was, I knew this had to be eating away at him. Rose and Alice loved Edward like a brother. We were all struggling with this latest complication.

"Can I join in?" Carlisle had come in, and he stood next to Edward's bed and smiled weakly. "Edward's very lucky. He has all of you to help him get through this."

"It helps to have a dad who's a pretty amazing doctor," Emmett said, putting his arm around his father.

"I can only do so much," Carlisle replied. "Besides, Dr. Snow is really the one responsible for Edward's care. He's the best there is, and I trust him completely. This whole medically induced coma is risky, but I have to agree that it's what's best for Edward right now. It's just hard not knowing, not being able to do anything. I'm the parent. I should be able to protect my own son."

Emmett hugged Carlisle tighter. "You're doing all you can, Dad, which is more than we can do. It's not your fault. As much as I wish you could, you can't make Edward all better."

Carlisle sighed. "I know. It's just that I can help others, but I can't help my son."

Rose got up to hug Carlisle, and we all followed suit. There really wasn't anymore that Carlisle could do, and I don't think any of us wanted him to feel guilty about it.

"Thanks," Carlisle said as we broke the hug. "Let's hope Edward shows some improvement soon."

Eventually everyone went home, but I was spending the night. Carlisle begged me to go home since Edward wouldn't be waking up, but there was no way I was leaving. I slept in the rollaway bed next to Edward. I had to be near him. I somehow managed to get some sleep despite the noise of the machines and Edward's nurse coming in several times during the night.

I was awake when Dr. Snow came in the next morning. "Good morning, Bella," he said. "I hope Edward didn't keep you up all night."

I laughed a little. "Actually, I was able to sleep. How does everything look today?" I noticed that Edward's bruises had become a deeper shade of purple, and he was pretty swollen from the steroids.

Dr. Snow began to examine Edward. "His ICP hasn't gone down, but at least it hasn't gone up. I'm worried about his blood pressure, though. We're having trouble bringing it down."

"I know that's not good, but what exactly does it mean?" I asked nervously.

"It puts him at risk for another stroke and can be dangerous to the other organs, especially the heart and kidneys," Dr. Snow explained. "I'm going to start him on another IV medication to bring it down. I know you're scared, but overall I'm feeling confident about Edward's recovery."

"I am scared," I admitted. "I need him to get better. He was making so much progress. He's got to recover. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't."

Dr. Snow looked at me intently. "I promise that I will do everything in my power to get Edward through this. He's been a fighter, and I don't see him giving up easily now. I know you won't give up on him, and that's only going to help." He then left with a promise to check in a little later.

Carlisle and Esme came in a short time later. "How are you today, dear?" Esme asked as she hugged me tightly. "Did you sleep?"

"I did get some sleep," I told her. "I guess I was more tired than I thought."

Carlisle nodded. "I talked to Dr. Snow. He told me about trying to bring down Edward's blood pressure. It worries me that we can't get it down. Otherwise, he seems to be doing well. His brain isn't swelling any further."

"I keep wondering why this is happening," I said softly. "When Edward finally broke down, he wondered if God was mad at him. I'm starting to wonder about it too. There's that saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. How much more can Edward handle, though? How much more can any of us handle?"

Esme hugged me again. "I don't know why these things keep happening to Edward. I wish I knew. He's going to be OK, though. I have to keep telling myself that. If I believe he's going to be OK, he will be."

I pulled back a little to look at Esme. "How do you do it? How do you stay so positive?" I was completely in awe of Esme. How could she be so strong when her son was in a coma? Would I ever be that strong? I hoped that one day I would.

"I have to. That's my child lying in that bed," she replied quietly. "I'd die if anything happened to one of my children. He's going to be fine. He has to be. I can't outlive my children. I won't."

Esme and I spent the rest of the morning sitting at Edward's bedside. He was sleeping peacefully thanks to the drugs being pumped into his body. His nurse checked him every hour. His ICP hadn't increased, but it hadn't decreased. His blood pressure hadn't gone down either. I was still scared of what might happen.

Carlisle came back around lunch time and wanted us to go and get something to eat. Esme went with him, but I refused to leave Edward alone.

"Bella, you need to eat. You have to take care of yourself," Carlisle said disapprovingly.

"I'll go when Esme comes back," I promised him. "I just don't want Edward to be alone. I know he won't wake up while I'm gone, but I feel bad leaving him here by himself."

Carlisle relented, and he and Esme went to get lunch. I sat next to Edward's bed and held his hand.

"Come on, Edward, you need to get better," I said softly, kissing his fingertips. "You promised me that you were going to fight. You can't give up now. We're getting married. You have to walk down that aisle. You have to dance with me. Please, Edward. Don't leave me now. I'm so scared. I don't know what's going on in your brain right now, and I don't like it. Get better so you can wake up and come back to me. You're a fighter. You can do it. You're my rock, Edward. I need you." My tears were flowing, and I held Edward's hand to my face as if my tears could cure him. If they could, Edward would be perfectly fine by now.

Esme returned about an hour later. I was sure she could tell I had been crying, but thankfully she didn't say anything. I kept my promise and left to get something to eat. I wasn't very hungry, but I knew I had to keep my strength up. I wasn't gone very long because I couldn't stand the thought of being away from Edward. Even if he was unconscious, I had to be near him.

Our family came by after work, and even Jake and Tanya stopped in for a while. Finally Dr. Snow came in and gave us some promising news.

"Things are looking better," he said after examining Edward. "His ICP is coming down, and so is his blood pressure. His BP is still too high, but at least it's decreasing. Hopefully we'll have it back to normal soon."

Emmett spoke up. "How much longer are you going to keep him in the coma?"

"We need to wait until his ICP is in the normal range. If it continues to go down tomorrow, I can start weaning him off of the sedatives by Wednesday," Dr. Snow replied.

Part of me wanted to jump up and down with excitement, but the rest of me was still wary. I was scared that this whole incident would cause Edward more brain damage or hamper his progress.

"Bells, are you OK?" I was brought out of my thoughts by Rose's voice. She was looking at me with concern. "We just got some good news. You still look worried, though."

"I am," I admitted. "I can't rest easy until he opens his eyes and I know he's OK."

I slept next to Edward's bed yet again, and thankfully it was another quiet night. Edward's ICP continued to go down, and by Tuesday evening it was almost back to normal. Dr. Snow came in to explain what would happen next.

"Tomorrow morning I'll start to wean him off of the sedatives," he said. "I'll also remove the vent and the shunt then."

"When will he wake up?" I asked.

"He won't be fully awake until at least Thursday," Dr. Snow replied. "He may become responsive before then, but he'll still be pretty groggy from the sedatives. Once he's awake I'll be able to see if there's any further damage."

Sure enough, the anesthesiologist came in early Wednesday to start weaning Edward off of the sedatives. Dr. Snow came in shortly thereafter to remove the shunt and the vent. Esme and I just sat there all day waiting—for what, I didn't know. Carlisle and Dr. Snow checked in throughout the day as Edward continued to sleep peacefully. I became nervous because I thought he would at least begin to stir, but Dr. Snow assured me that everything was fine.

I barely slept at all that night. I was a nervous wreck, worried that I might miss something. About 5:00 I got tired of tossing and turning, so I got up and sat next to Edward's bed. I took his hand in mine as I had done so many times before. It felt relaxing, though, and I drifted off to sleep.

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, but I woke up immediately and nearly jumped out of my chair when I felt Edward squeeze my hand. I looked up at his face as his eyelids began to flutter.

EPOV

Sore. Confused. Tired. I felt all of those things as I woke up in a strange place. I felt Bella's hand in mine before I opened my eyes, and I gave it a squeeze. Once I was awake, I took note of my surroundings and realized I was in the hospital. Oh shit. Not again.

"B-bella," I managed to say. My throat hurt like hell, and I wondered why. I didn't remember being sick. Why was I in the hospital?

"It's OK," she said soothingly.

"Wh-wh." My throat was so sore that I couldn't talk. What was wrong with me?

My dad and Dr. Snow came in, and I hoped I would get some answers. "Welcome back," Carlisle said cheerfully.

I tried to talk again, but my throat felt like sandpaper. I needed to know why I was here. I wanted answers.

"Edward, you had a seizure Sunday afternoon," Carlisle said. "You were at the house for a barbecue. Do you remember?'

I shook my head because I couldn't remember. How had a seizure landed me in the hospital? This couldn't be good.

Carlisle continued. "During the seizure you fell and hit your head quite hard on the cement. You banged yourself up pretty badly."

Oh, so that would explain why my body was so sore.

Dr. Snow continued with the rundown of what had happened to me. "You were brought in unconscious because of your head injury. Your brain was swelling, so I felt it was best to put you in a medically induced coma to allow your brain to heal."

"H-how l-long?" I choked out.

"It's Thursday morning," Carlisle replied.

I nodded. "A-am I OK?"

"I want to examine you fully a little later, but everything seems to be fine," Dr. Snow said. "Your blood pressure shot up, and we had some trouble bringing it down. It's still a little high, so you may feel a little dizzy from that and the head injury. I wouldn't be surprised if you also had a headache."

I suddenly had a frightening thought. I started to raise my hand to my head but stopped. "D-did I h-h-have s-sur-ge-ry?"

Dr. Snow smiled a little. "No. Thankfully, surgery wasn't necessary. Your brain was able to heal on its own while you were in the coma. You are pretty bruised and banged up, though, and you had a nasty cut on your forehead that needed a few stitches. You also have a skull fracture, but thankfully it was just a linear one. It should heal just fine."

OK, that was a relief. I didn't need my skull cracked open yet again. Then I realized something else. I didn't have an IV in my hand or arm. I reached up again and felt it had been inserted in my neck. I looked at my dad and Dr. Snow in confusion. I remembered putting IVs in my patients' necks in certain instances, but I wondered why mine had been placed there. We usually put IVs in the arm or the chest.

Dr. Snow answered my unasked question. "I put a central line in your neck since you were on several different meds. It allowed us to have several different ports. It was easier to place it in your neck than your chest since it's only for a short time." I nodded, and he continued. "You had a shunt to monitor your brain swelling, and you were also on a vent to make sure you got enough oxygen to your brain. I'm sure you've got a sore throat, so we'll get you some ice to help soothe it. Do you need anything for pain?"

"N-no. N-no p-pain. J-just a lit-tle sore." I really wasn't in much pain, and I didn't want to be strung out on painkillers.

Then Dr. Snow examined me. He shined that damn little flashlight in my eyes, which actually hurt. I wiggled my fingers and toes, and he listened to my heart and lungs.

"Everything looks good, Edward," Dr. Snow said with a smile. "I want to keep you in ICU for one more day and hopefully move you to a regular room in the morning. Get some rest, and I'll be back to see you later." Then he left the room.

Bella returned to the chair next to my bed and took my hand again. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it. "H-how are you?"

She smiled. "Much better now that you're awake. You really scared me."

"S-sor-ry," I apologized. Both Bella and Carlisle laughed.

"Don't be sorry," Bella said. "It's not your fault. Just don't scare me like that again," she added with a laugh.

"I'll t-try n-not to," I replied, wincing in pain because of my sore throat.

That didn't go unnoticed by Carlisle. "That's enough talking for now. Your throat needs time to heal. I'll have your nurse bring you some ice. Are you sure you don't need anything for pain?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to go back to sleep. I just wanted something for my throat.

Carlisle squeezed my hand. "OK. Your mother will be here shortly. I've got a couple of surgeries scheduled this morning, so I'll be back later." He squeezed my hand again and left.

"I missed you so much," Bella told me. "I've been a nervous wreck. I didn't know what would happen when you woke up. I've hardly left your side since you were brought in."

I frowned a bit. "Y-you d-didn't have t-to. I'm OK."

"I didn't know if you were going to be OK. I was so scared, Edward. We all were. That seizure was pretty scary. The way you fell and hit your head petrified me."

"Wh-what h-hap-pened?" I needed to know.

"You were on the patio in your wheelchair," she began quietly. "You told me you didn't feel well just before it began. You started shaking and fell. You knocked over your wheelchair. It was scary. Your head hit the ground so hard that I heard it. You were shaking and bleeding and I couldn't even watch. I never ever want to see that again."

Just then the nurse came in with some ice. I wanted to talk to Bella some more, but my throat hurt too much. I was grateful for anything that made it feel better.

My mother arrived a short time later and smothered me with hugs and kisses. "Oh sweetie, I'm so glad to finally see your eyes open. You had us so worried. How are you feeling?"

"OK. S-sore. T-ti-tired. S-sor-ry to m-make you w-worry."

Esme smiled. "I'm your mother. I'm always going to worry about you. We need you to get better now."

I smiled back at my mom. I had just woken up, and I was already eager to get up and moving again. I had been making progress, and I didn't want this latest complication to hold me back.

I dozed on and off throughout the day. There really wasn't much else I could do. When I was awake, Bella and my mother updated me on what had been going on over the past few days. It turned out I hadn't missed much. Everyone had been spending their free time at the hospital with me. I did end up with a headache after a while, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want any pain meds. Besides, it wasn't as if the pain was unbearable.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Elizabeth came by that afternoon. I thought Elizabeth was going to climb in the bed with me.

"Edward!" Bitt cried out as she hugged me tightly. "I was scared! I missed you!"

"M-mis-sed you t-too," I told her. Then I started laughing. "Y-you're squ-squi-shing me."

"Sorry," she said, letting me go. "I can't help it. You're my big brother."

Then Emmett hugged me just as tightly. "You need to stop pulling this crap," he teased. Then he became serious. "The only time I was more scared was when you had the stroke."

I laughed again. "D-don't like s-scaring you. I'll t-try to s-stop."

"You'd better. I don't know if I can handle the stress," Emmett replied.

At least Rose was gentle with me. "I think Em and Bitt said it all. We love you, and we've been so worried about you."

"I h-hate wor-ry-ing you," I said seriously. "J-just wan-na get b-bet-ter. I w-wonder if I ever w-will. N-now I've g-got these d-damn s-seizures to w-wor-ry about."

Emmett shook his head. "You will get better. You know that Dad and Dr. Snow are going to do everything they can for you. Now your ass needs to get out of bed so you can start walking."

"I h-hope so, Em. R-ready to get m-moving. D-don't w-want an-y-more set-backs."

"Neither do I." We all looked up to see Dr. Snow enter the room. "How are you feeling, Edward?"

"OK. S-still s-sore."

Everyone stepped back so Dr. Snow could examine me. "Everything seems OK except for your blood pressure," he finally said, "and I still don't know why we can't get it down. I'm going to keep you on the IV meds for it, but I don't see why you can't move to a regular room tomorrow. I'm only going to move you on one condition, though. You will be on strict bed rest for the next couple of days. No getting up for any reason." I groaned, and Dr. Snow chuckled. "You had a nasty head injury, Edward, as well as a hypertensive crisis," he continued. "You need to rest."

I nodded, knowing that the doctor was right. I did have a question for him, though. "Wh-what about the s-s-seizures? W-will I k-keep ha-ving them?"

"I don't know," Dr. Snow replied solemnly. "You've had two seizures since your surgeries, so unfortunately I don't think they're going away. I'm going to increase your Dilantin, and hopefully that will keep the seizures under control. I'm going to do everything I can to get you back to normal, Edward. I promise."

"I kn-know," I said. Dr. Snow was the best, and I knew I could trust him.

Dr. Snow smiled. "Get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning. If you need anything for pain, just call the nurse."

A few hours later, Bella and I were alone in my room. Neither of us said much; we were just comfortable with the silence. The whole seizure thing had been weighing heavily on me, though, and I had to talk to Bella about it.

"B-bella," I said softly, and she looked up. "I'm s-scared."

"Scared? Of what?" she asked, becoming concerned.

"My s-sei-zures. Wh-what if I k-keep having th-them? Wh-what if I hurt my-myself again? I w-won't be able to be a-lone. S-some-one will al-ways have to b-be w-with me. I d-don't w-want that. It s-scares me. I h-hate not b-being in c-control of my b-body."

Bella looked at me sadly. "Edward, I wish I could do something. It hurts me to see you hurt."

My eyes began to fill with those damn tears. "I j-just w-want to be nor-mal. I f-final-ly f-felt like I was g-getting my l-life back. I'm r-ready to w-walk and t-talk again. I w-want to be in-de-pen-dent. I c-can't k-keep doing th-this. It's t-too hard."

Bella was teary eyed too. "You can do this," she insisted. "You will be normal again. You may stop having seizures once your meds are adjusted. Just give it a chance. It's easy for me to tell you to be patient, but you need to be. Hang on, Edward. You can do this."

"Wh-what would I do w-wi-th-out you? How c-can you p-put up w-with me?" I looked at Bella lovingly. She held me together, and I never would have made it without her.

"I love you too much to let you go," she stated simply.

The events of the day had finally caught up with me, and my headache had gotten worse. Bella called the nurse for my pain meds, and I soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

I felt much better when I woke up the next morning. Dr. Snow came in early to examine me and confirmed that I'd be moved out of ICU. He and my nurse removed the monitors and the catheter, and I was on my way to my new room. I still had the IV in my neck, but I could deal with that.

"Now remember, Edward, no getting out of that bed for at least two days," Dr. Snow reminded me as I frowned. "I'll take a look on Sunday to see if you can get up and moving. Is there anything you need?"

I nodded. "I'm h-hun-gry."

Both Bella and Dr. Snow laughed. "I'll have some breakfast sent up," he said. "Do you need anything for pain?"

I shook my head. My throat was still quite sore, but that was about it. Dr. Snow left a few minutes later, and my breakfast arrived shortly thereafter. Thankfully it was all soft foods that didn't irritate my throat. I was so hungry, though, that I could have eaten a mountain lion.

My room became a flurry of activity as the day went on. My mother arrived about mid-morning, and my dad stopped in between surgeries. Alice came by at lunch with my favorite chocolate milkshake. I would have jumped out of bed and hugged her if I could have. Bitt came to visit with her friends after softball practice. I had known Allie and Jenn since they were little girls, and it was actually fun to have a group of giggling teenage girls there. The rest of my family had shown up by dinnertime. I enjoyed the evening, but it had left me pretty tired.

I woke up early Saturday morning with a dull pain in my lower abdomen and a strong urge to pee. Thankfully Bella was in the rollaway bed next to mine. "Bella," I said urgently. "I n-need the b-bedpan!"

Bella quickly got up and helped me get situated on the bedpan. As soon as I began to pee, the pain became 10 times worse. I literally saw stars.

"Edward? What's wrong?" she asked frantically.

I grimaced and winced in pain. "It h-hurts s-so bad. B-burns wh-when I pee."

I finished, and Bella picked up the bedpan. "You've got blood in your urine," she commented worriedly.

Crap. I knew what that meant. The pain, burning, and blood were all signs of an infection. Just what I needed.

"C-call my d-dad," I told Bella. "D-don't flush my urine. N-need to d-do a c-cul-ture."

Bella looked down at the bedpan in her hands and made a face. "Um, OK. What am I supposed to do with it?"

"P-put the b-bedpan in the sh-sho-wer," I replied. "It's ea-si-er than p-pee-ing in a c-cup."

Bella took the bedpan into the bathroom and then called Carlisle. Meanwhile, I was in a lot of pain. This actually hurt more than my head did. I tried to get comfortable while I waited for Carlisle, but I couldn't. It just hurt too much.

Lucky for me, Carlisle arrived quickly. "Bella said that you probably have a urinary tract infection," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"It h-hurts. V-very p-pain-ful," I told him, pointing to my lower abdomen. "Had b-blood in m-my u-rine."

Carlisle nodded. "Yep, sounds like a UTI, probably from your catheter." He took my temperature, and it turned out that I also had a low-grade fever. "I'll have to send a urine specimen to the lab to see what kind of antibiotics to put you on."

"I put the bedpan in the bathroom," Bella said.

"Good. I'll send down a sample now," Carlisle replied.

Just after Carlisle left with my sample, I had the urge to pee again. Bella helped me get on the bedpan, and she sat next to me on the bed and rubbed my back as I urinated painfully.

When Carlisle returned about an hour later, I was feeling a little better thanks to some Tylenol and the heating pad on my belly. He had an IV bag, which told me that I'd be on IV antibiotics rather than oral ones.

"I got your results back, and I'm going to start you on Cipro," Carlisle said. "As long as you're in the hospital, I'll give it to you intravenously. Are you feeling any better?"

"A lit-tle. S-still hurts s-some," I replied. "C-can't be-lieve how p-pain-ful it is."

Bella put her arm around me. "I can sympathize with you on this one. UTIs just hurt."

I laughed. "Th-this is k-kinda f-fun-ny. On t-top of e-ev-ery-thing, I g-get this. W-wonder wh-what else w-will hap-pen."

"Don't say that," Carlisle chuckled. "I don't want anything else to happen to you. You need to get better or else!"

Not being able to get out of bed was bad enough, but the pain from my infection made it worse. When Emmett came by, he teased me about having a girly sickness until Rose smacked him on the back of the head.

That night Bella sat in bed with me as I pouted. "What's wrong?" she asked me.

"I'm t-tired of b-being s-stuck in bed," I whined. "I n-need a sh-sho-wer."

Bella smiled mischievously. "I've got an idea. I'll be right back." She hopped out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. She came out a few minutes later with a plastic basin of water along with a washcloth and a towel. "How about a sponge bath?"

"Y-you are n-nau-ghty," I replied, but I definitely didn't say no. Bella reached behind me to untie my gown, and I captured her lips in a passionate kiss.

"Who's naughty now?" she said when we broke our kiss. She then pulled off my gown, leaving me completely exposed. Little Edward began to twitch, which actually hurt because of my infection. "Edward, are you all right?"

I groaned. "Y-you're kil-ling me, Bella. W-want you s-so much."

Bella gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. "I want you too. We're just going to have to wait until you're better."

I didn't want to wait, but I knew I had to. Bella washing and touching my naked body was sweet torture. I supposed that this was the next best thing to making love.

"S-so," I said playfully, "w-will I s-still get s-s-sponge b-baths when I g-get home?"

Bella laughed. "Only if you're a good boy."

Hmmmm, I could be good if it meant having fun with Bella like this. I obviously wasn't happy about being stuck in the hospital, but I could handle a few more days of it as long as I had Bella by my side. I could handle anything as long as the woman I loved was with me.


	11. Chapter 11 Falling into Place

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Yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't updated in forever. I had major writer's block after I posted Chapter 10, but real life interfered once I got my mojo back. I was up to my eyeballs in research papers and exams, and I had to ignore poor Brainward for a while. I apologize profusely and hope this chapter makes you happy.

Thanks so very much to my wonderful beta Bittenev. Bitt, you are my friend and my confidante, and I love you more than drive-thru daiquiri shops!

To my Brainward fan club: my adopted little sis pwtf, GPB, Katy, Jenn, Red, Cappie, Gustariana, Ambushed, Magan, mommyofboth, and anyone else I may have forgotten-I love you all very much! Thanks for sticking with me on this ride.

The song for Chapter 11 is "Falling into Place" by The Afters. The link is on my profile. Thanks to my wonderful BBFF Dolle who suggested it to me. I love you, BB!

Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight. I'll own my car after I make my last payment next week!

**Chapter 11—Falling into Place**

EPOV

It was a beautiful spring morning, quite sunny for Seattle actually. Bella was driving me to therapy, but today was different from most Mondays over the last two months. Bella was going back to work today. She had finally run out of sick days, and, honestly, we needed the money. Even though she would never admit it, I had a feeling she was going stir crazy just being home. I knew how much she loved teaching and her students, and I felt like I was keeping her away from that.

I needed someone to pick me up from the rehab center each day and stay with me until Bella got home, so my family worked out a schedule. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice would take turns picking me up and "Edward sitting." I couldn't be left alone because of my seizures, which really sucked.

It had been three weeks since I was released from the hospital. I was fully recovered from my head injury and UTI, and my blood pressure was back to normal. The new meds I was taking for my blood pressure were working, and my anti-convulsants had been increased. I was actually feeling pretty good and making progress in therapy. I had regained some sensation in my left leg, and I felt like it was getting stronger every day. I still had some weakness in my left arm, but I had regained my range of motion. The most dramatic improvement, though, had been in my speech. As long as I took my time and didn't talk too fast, my stutter was almost gone. I now only had speech therapy twice a week. Emmett joked that he'd have knocked me upside my head a few months ago if he'd had known it would help.

The only thing that hadn't improved was my energy level. I still got tired very easily. My body required at least nine hours of sleep a night in order to function properly. Lack of sleep was also a cause of seizures, and I certainly didn't want that to happen. I also found that I had to rest for a while in the afternoon after therapy. Even if I didn't actually sleep, I just needed to lie down and reenergize. I hoped it would get better over time.

All too soon we arrived at the hospital. Bella got my wheelchair out of the trunk and helped me into it, although I didn't have to rely on her help so much anymore. I wheeled myself into the lobby, and Bella told me goodbye.

"Have a great day," she said, biting her lip and trying not to cry.

"It's OK," I told her. "I'll be fine. You need to go back to work. It's time."

Bella laughed. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"You found out my s-secret," I replied jokingly. "S-seriously, Bella, I can do this. I'll be all right. I'm g-going to miss you, but I'm excited for you to get back to s-school."

"I'm going to miss you like crazy. I don't know what I'm going to do without you all day," Bella said.

"Hmmm, teach kids perhaps," I deadpanned.

Bella responded by playfully swatting my arm. "You're funny, Edward Cullen! Now go kick some butt in therapy today!"

I kissed Bella goodbye and headed off to occupational therapy with Tanya. I had that along with physical and visual therapy today. My speech therapy was now only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Emmett was picking me up today, and we were meeting Carlisle for lunch afterwards.

I made it through my first two sessions, and it was soon time for physical therapy. Now that I was regaining sensation in my leg, Jake was pushing me harder than ever. He knew how determined I was to walk, and he was just as determined to help me get there. We finally reached the end of our session, but Jake said we weren't finished yet.

"I want you to try something new today," Jake said, leading me over to a set of parallel bars. "I want you to walk."

I looked at him skeptically. "I don't know, Jake. I want to, but I don't know if I can."

Jake nodded. "You can do this, Edward. You're ready. You've been working so hard. Just give it a try."

I could do this. I _would_ do this. I wheeled over to the end of the bars, grabbed onto them, and slowly pulled myself up. I stood there for a moment, trying to gather the courage to take that first step. I wasn't used to standing, so my legs felt like lead, even my unaffected right leg. I still didn't have complete sensation in my left leg, and I was afraid I might trip over my own foot. I wanted this, though. I wanted it more than anything. Jake was right behind me, ready to offer his support if I needed it. I finally took my first step and then another. I couldn't believe it. I was walking. It wasn't much, but I was walking. I was so happy that I wanted to shout from the rooftops. I managed about five steps before I turned around and walked back to my wheelchair. I plopped down in my chair, exhausted yet exhilarated.

"You did it!" Jake said excitedly, patting me on the shoulder and shaking my hand. I _had_ done it. They were only baby steps, but I knew I was on my way. I had, both literally and figuratively, taken the first steps toward my future.

I was beaming as I made my way to the lobby to meet Emmett, but I became worried when I saw my brother's face. It was an expression of shock and awe, and his eyes were filled with tears. "Em, what's wrong?"

It took him a moment to gain enough composure to speak. "Nothing's wrong. In fact, it's all right. You walked. I saw you. You walked. I was afraid I'd never see that again." He brushed his tears away with the back of his hand.

"I know, Em," I told him. "I w-wondered that too. I'm going to, though. It wasn't much, but it's a s-start."

Emmett gave me a big smile. "You've accomplished a lot, Ed, but I've never been prouder of you than I am now."

Now I was getting teary eyed. "Thanks, Emmett. You do know a lot of my recovery is because of you."

"Me? How?" Emmett asked as we headed towards the cafeteria to meet Carlisle.

"You've been pushing me since day one," I replied. "You never let me give up. You encouraged me to fight."

"No way was I letting you go down without a fight," Emmett said. "Haven't you learned by now that I'm the protector?" Oh no, not the "protector" stuff again! "My family is too important. I'm gonna take care of you whether you like it or not."

Emmett and I were both laughing as we arrived at the cafeteria and met Carlisle. "What's so funny?" my dad asked.

"Oh, Emmett's just being Emmett," I replied, still laughing.

"Hey, I was just trying to have a moment, and you ruined it," Emmett replied, pretending to be offended.

Carlisle shook his head and waited until we got our food and were seated before he asked about my day. "So, how was therapy?"

"Edward walked today!" Emmett blurted out before I could say anything. I could only shake my head at my brother's enthusiasm.

"What? You walked?" Carlisle looked surprised.

"I just took a few s-steps with the parallel bars," I explained. "It wasn't like I ran across the room."

"But this is big, Edward," Carlisle pointed out. "It may only be a few steps now, but it's just the beginning. What about your arm? How's it coming along?"

"I can move it and use it for the most part, but it's still a little weak. I don't have all of my s-strength back, and I don't know if I ever will," I said.

"Why can't we just go to the gym and work it out?" Emmett wanted to know.

I sighed. "I wish it was that easy. It's not like I injured a muscle or something. My brain is damaged. It's likely that I'll never have full use of my arm again. I would like to get back to the gym, though."

Carlisle nodded. "That's actually a good idea. I think you should talk to Dr. Snow and your therapists about it. It can't hurt."

"I could be your personal trainer!" Emmett said excitedly. Emmett had actually worked as a trainer in college and was quite good at it. I was just afraid, though, of what he might put me through.

"Now calm down, Emmett," Carlisle admonished with a chuckle. "You can't go overboard with this. If Edward does go back to the gym, you're going to have to start slow."

"I know, I know," Emmett replied in exasperation. "I promise not to overdo it."

All I could do was laugh. My brother was unstoppable once he got started on any kind of project. It was that tenacity that made him so successful.

Our conversation eventually turned to sports, baseball specifically. "I was thinking we could go to a Mariners game soon," Carlisle said.

I frowned a little. "I'd love to, but I don't know if I can. It'd be difficult."

"Nonsense, Edward," Carlisle replied. "Safeco Field is fully accessible and wheelchair friendly. You'll be fine."

I forced a smile, not feeling the same enthusiasm my father felt. Just because the stadium was accessible didn't mean it would be easy. I hated being in crowds with my wheelchair. A crowded stadium was bound to make me feel uncomfortable.

We finished our lunch, and Carlisle returned to work. During the whole drive home, Emmett prattled on about the workout plan he was going to put together for me. I had to laugh because he was more excited than a kid on Christmas morning. Working out again was something I looked forward to, but I was also nervous about it. What if I couldn't do it? What if I wasn't physically strong enough?

Emmett was still going on and on about the workout thing when we got home. "So, Edward, you are going to talk to Dr. Snow, right?"

"Yes, Em, I will call his office tomorrow," I replied, trying not to get exasperated.

"Why don't you call now?" Emmett asked excitedly.

"Because I'm tired," I told him. "I really need to lie down."

Emmett nodded. "Oh, OK. Do you need any help getting in bed?"

I shook my head. "I've got it. But there is s-something you can do for me."

"Anything. What do you need?"

"S-since today's Bella's first day back at work, I want to have dinner ready when she comes home. Do you think you could order some takeout? Chinese?"

"Sure, bro," he said, getting up to grab the takeout menu from the kitchen. After telling him what I wanted, I wheeled myself into my room, got into bed, and quickly fell asleep.

I was awakened a while later by a kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes to find Bella sitting next to me on the bed. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said. "Did you have a good day?"

"I did," I replied, smiling at my beautiful Bella. "How was your first day back?"

"Surprisingly good," she said. "I thought it would be harder to get back into the swing of things, but it went just fine. Speaking of good, Emmett said you had some big news."

I sat up and took Bella's hands, feeling the excitement bubbling up inside of me. "I walked today!"

Bella looked surprised for a moment. Then she threw her arms around me and squealed. "Edward, that's amazing! But how? How did you do it?"

"Jake wanted me to try walking with the parallel bars," I explained as Bella sat back to listen. "I wanted to, but I wasn't s-sure if I could. It took me a minute to get up my nerve, but I did. I only took a few steps, but I did it."

"I am so proud of you," Bella said as her eyes filled with tears. "It may have only been a few steps, but it's a start. Just take it slow, Edward."

"I know. It won't c-come back overnight," I admitted, "but I won't give up. I will walk again s-someday. I'm going to walk down the aisle at our wedding."

Bella smiled and placed her hand on my cheek. "You know you don't have to do that. You'll walk when you're ready. I'm going to marry you regardless. I love you no matter what."

I moved Bella's hand to my lips and kissed it. "I'm ready to walk now. I've got enough time. I promise I'm going to walk on our wedding day."

"Well not only did you walk, but I also saw that you arranged dinner," Bella said with a little laugh. "You've been busy today."

"Today was your first day back at s-school," I said. "I wanted you to be able to come home and relax."

Bella kissed me on the cheek. "Yet another reason why I love you so much! Come on, let's go eat."

We made our way to the kitchen to eat. Both Bella and I had so much to talk about during dinner. I was so happy that she'd had such a good day. I was starting to feel like the old me, the Edward I was before the stroke. It was a wonderful feeling.

We were almost finished eating when Bella started laughing. "Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you," she said between giggles. "I saw Colby walking Bitt to class today, and I swear they were making goo goo eyes at each other. It was so funny. All I could think about, though, was Emmett and what he'd do to poor Colby if he saw him."

I began to laugh as well. "Emmett would have beat him to a pulp. Good thing he was here all day."

"So what kind of adventures did you and Emmett have today?" Bella asked.

I sighed. "He wants to get me in the gym and working out again. I'd really like to, but I'm not sure if I can. I did promise to talk to Dr. Snow about it, though. I don't know. I suppose it could help."

"I think it might help," Bella said. "I know you may not get all your strength back, but it's worth a shot. You might feel better going just for the social aspect of it. No matter what, you have to go because you want to. You can't do it for me or Emmett or anyone else. Do it for you."

I wheeled myself over to Bella and kissed her. "This is why I love you. You s-support me no matter what." I kissed her again, but this kiss was much more passionate. I pulled Bella closer, and she grabbed my face as she returned my kiss.

"Edward," she panted, "I need you. Now."

That was all I needed to hear. I pulled Bella on my lap, and she continued to kiss down my jaw and neck as I wheeled us into the bedroom.

Bella and I made it to our bedroom, where we made love passionately. We had made love a few times since that night we spent at the hotel, and it only got better each time. I was so happy that I could continue to give myself to her this way. I loved my Bella more than anything, and I would do anything to make her happy.

I slept peacefully that night with Bella in my arms. The day had been a great one. Bella's and my lives were slowly returning to normal. I only hoped that things would stay that way.

Therapy went well the next day. Jake had me walk with the parallel bars again, and I took about the same number of steps as I had the day before. It felt amazing.

I was getting back in my wheelchair when I heard a voice say, "I heard someone was walking." I looked up to see Dr. Snow smiling.

I smiled back. "The rumors are true. It's only a few s-steps, but I'm working on it. I'm getting back to normal." Then I remembered the gym thing. "Dr. Snow, I was wondering if I could start working out at the gym again. Emmett wants to be my personal trainer. I'd like to s-start exercising again."

Dr. Snow laughed, no doubt thinking about Emmett as my trainer. Even my doctor knew how crazy my brother was. "Actually, Edward, I think that would be a good idea. You'll need to start slowly, though. It would be best to concentrate on your upper body for now." He paused for a moment and chuckled. "Emmett wants to be your trainer? That's a little scary!"

"Tell me about it," I laughed. "Emmett is scary, all right. He has good intentions, but he doesn't always go about it in the right way."

I wrapped up my session for the day and headed to the lobby, where I was surprised to see Esme. I thought Emmett would be picking me up again today. "Mom, what are you doing here?" I asked, confused.

"I'm here to pick you up, silly," she replied. "Who else were you expecting?"

"I thought Em was going to pick me up. Are you sure he's not coming to get me?"

Esme looked worried. "I'm positive. Today's my day. Didn't Bella tell you?"

Had Bella told me? I was sure she would have said something about who was on "Edward duty" today. Besides, why would my mom show up if it wasn't her day? Now I was even more confused.

"You're coming home with me today," Esme explained. "You'll spend the afternoon and then Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie are coming after work for dinner."

I was still a little confused, but at the same time things made sense. Now I was feeling nervous and worried. Why didn't I remember that my mother was picking me up today? I knew that Emmett couldn't leave work early two days in a row. Oh well. I figured it wouldn't do me any good to dwell on the situation.

When we got back to my parents' house, Esme made me a sandwich and we sat and talked about my day. Naturally, she was thrilled about my walking. I told her about Emmett wanting to be my trainer, which made her laugh, and Dr. Snow giving me the OK. I couldn't help but smile as I sat and talked with my mom. It was yet another indication that things were returning to normal.

I began to feel tired after a while, which didn't go unnoticed by Esme. "Edward honey, why don't you go and lie down," she said. "I've got the sofa all made up for you. It's too bad none of the bedrooms are downstairs because I'm sure you'd be more comfortable in a bed."

"The s-sofa's fine, Mom," I assured her. "I actually s-sleep in my chair a lot at home. I'll be OK."

Esme gave me a quick hug, and I wheeled myself into the den. I had no trouble getting situated on the sofa, and once I did I pulled out my iPod. I missed my books, but I couldn't read for long periods of time because of my vision problems. Bella had suggested downloading audio books, which I thought was an excellent idea. I was currently listening to a book about a teenage girl who moves to a small town and falls in love with a vampire. Books like that usually didn't interest me, but this one was quite good. I put my earbuds in to listen, but it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the house was very quiet. I figured Esme was cooking dinner, so I got in my wheelchair and made my way to the kitchen. As I got closer, I heard my mom and Bella talking.

"I can't believe he was surprised to see you," Bella said. "I told him several times about you picking him up and having dinner here."

"I figured that. He actually scared me," Esme replied. "He looked completely confused. I almost called Carlisle when we got home, but I didn't want to worry him as well."

They were talking about me. I suddenly became angry. Since the stroke, people tended to talk about me like I wasn't there. I just couldn't believe my fiancée and my mother were doing it. I knew they loved me and were worried, but I hated it. I decided to announce my presence as I wheeled myself into the kitchen.

"Bella, is that you?" I asked innocently.

"Hey, how was your day?" Bella wanted to know as she got up to kiss me.

"Good," I answered truthfully. It had been good until I heard Bella and Esme talking about me. "I walked again today, and Dr. Snow gave me the OK to go to the gym."

Bella laughed. "Emmett'll be happy to hear that. How was speech therapy?"

"Great. Caitlin is rather pleased with my progress," I replied. "She doesn't think I'll need her much longer. Now if I could just get my eyes to cooperate."

"Rose is taking you to your eye appointment tomorrow," Bella reminded me. "You did remember that, didn't you?"

I shook my head. I _didn't_ remember. Why? Bella kept track of all my appointments on a calendar in the kitchen, and I checked it everyday. Now I knew why Bella and Esme were worried. I never forgot anything. Perhaps I was just tired. That had to be it.

Bella smiled and kissed me. "It's OK," she said. "You've had a lot going on lately. No wonder you forgot about it."

Yeah, Bella was right. She had to be. I just forgot because of everything else going on. That was it.

I hung out in the kitchen with Bella and Esme as they cooked. Esme gave me a couple of jobs to do, which I gladly did. My anger from earlier was gone, and I was happy to help out where I could. It was nice to feel useful.

Carlisle and Elizabeth got home a short time later, and Emmett and Rose arrived not long after. We were all crowded in the kitchen until Esme shooed the men out and sent Elizabeth to shower since she was stinky from softball practice.

"Hey Edward, you want a beer?" Emmett called out as he grabbed one from the refrigerator.

I sighed in exasperation. "Em, you know I can't have beer."

"Sorry, sorry, I forgot," Emmett replied. "What would happen if you did drink?"

Leave it to Emmett to ask a question like that. I sighed again. "It decreases the effectiveness of my anti-convulsants."

"So you'd have a seizure if you drank too much?" Emmett asked. For some odd reason, my brother was fascinated by this.

"Yes, Emmett," I said tersely. "I could also have a seizure from being s-stressed over my brother's s-stupid questions."

Emmett took the hint and dropped the subject, for which I was grateful. Just thinking about seizures gave me a headache.

"How was therapy today?" Carlisle asked.

"Really good. Dr. Snow came down to see me walk," I said.

Emmett bounced up and down excitedly. "Did you ask him about the gym?"

"He said it was fine as long as I s-started slowly," I replied. "I should just concentrate on my upper body for now."

"Awesome! I've already got a plan," Emmett said excitedly. "We should start tomorrow."

"I do have an appointment with my eye doctor tomorrow, but I think that would work," I told my overexcited brother.

We sat down to dinner a few minutes later, which finally shut up my brother/personal trainer. I really enjoyed family dinners because the focus wasn't on me. I could just be with my family and talk about anything and everything but my illness. We talked about Bitt's softball practice, Bella's classes, the new building Emmett was working on, and everything that was going on with Rose at Twilight. I was just normal Edward for a change, and I liked it.

After dinner we all headed into the den. I stopped, though, when I caught sight of the piano. I hadn't thought much lately about not being able to play, but I was suddenly overcome with emotion. I hadn't realized how much I missed it.

Elizabeth noticed my reaction and voiced what I couldn't say out loud. "You really miss playing, don't you?" she whispered.

I could only nod in agreement. I missed my piano more than anything. "It hurts so much," I finally managed to say.

My baby sister took my hands and looked me straight in the eye. "Let me teach you how to play again. After all, you taught me, so the least I can do is return the favor."

"I d-don't know, Bitt," I replied shakily. "I don't know if I can learn again. I want to so bad, but I won't be able to handle it if I can't."

"Please, Edward, can't we at least try?" she implored. "I hate seeing you look so sad."

Elizabeth was right. I could just try it. I was scared, but I really didn't have anything to lose. "OK, I'll try."

"Yay!" Elizabeth squealed, suddenly excited. "I'm so happy! I can't wait!"

Bella and I didn't stay late at my parents' house. I was sure Bella could sense how tired I was, so she helped me take a shower when we got home. I then went straight to bed. I was pretty restless, though, and couldn't sleep. Bella could also sense that when she came to bed.

"What's wrong, Edward?" she asked. "Is something bothering you?"

"I'm feeling a little overwhelmed," I admitted. "I feel like so much has happened in the last two days. All of a s-sudden I'm learning to walk again, going back to the gym, and relearning the piano. It's a lot to take in."

Bella nodded in agreement. "It is a lot, so promise me you won't overdo it. Take it easy for now. Everything's going to come back in time. You don't have to relearn everything at once."

"I know that, but you know how Emmett and Bitt are," I replied. "There's no s-stopping them once they have their minds made up."

"I know that, but I also know how stubborn you are," Bella said. "You'll have to tell them when enough's enough. This is about you, not them."

Bella was right. It was about me. I had to remember that because I knew I'd be in for a few fights along the way with my brother and sister.

Therapy went well the next day, and Rose met me afterwards to take me to my eye appointment. Dr. Clearwater had been my doctor for years, and I was very lucky that he was on the cutting edge when it came to research.

"Well, Edward, I have some great news for you," Dr. Clearwater said when he finished with my exam. "You're a candidate for prism glasses."

"Prism glasses? What's that?" I asked.

"The lens for the affected eye has actual prisms," explained Dr. Clearwater. "The prism helps you with your field of vision and improves your sight."

I became excited. "Does this mean I'll get all of my sight back?"

"I can't promise anything," Dr. Clearwater warned, "but they should give you back a good bit of it. I'd like to fit you today, and I can have them ready in a couple of weeks."

I looked across the room at Rose, who was all smiles. I was just as enthusiastic. This was one more piece of my life that was falling into place.

After being fitted for my new glasses, Rose brought me home so I could rest before my first training session with Emmett. I took a nap and ate dinner with Bella so I'd be ready for my brother.

Emmett showed up exactly when he said he would. We got to the gym, and Emmett told me about the workout plan he had designed for me. It was all upper body and meant to help me rebuild my muscle tone and strength. The whole thing was extremely difficult at first. I hadn't realized just how weak I had become, even in my right arm. Emmett joked that my six pack had turned into a keg, so he worked my abs pretty hard as well.

"Come on, Ed, you can do this," Emmett encouraged. "You're doing great!" It was like having my own personal cheerleader.

Before I knew it, our time was up and my workout was over. I was tired, but it was definitely a good tired. I was pretty excited about what I had done. I had also had a lot of fun. Exercising had never been a chore for me, and I hadn't realized how much I missed it.

"So, how was it?" Bella asked when I got home.

I smiled. "It was good. I really feel good. This guy is a s-slave driver, though," I joked, pointing at Emmett.

"You've been sitting on your lazy ass for far too long," Emmett teased back. "It's about time you do something."

Bella was laughing at us. "You two are worse than children. Oh, Edward, Elizabeth called and wants you to call her back. Something about piano lessons."

Crap. I had forgotten that I was going to let my sister teach me to play the piano again. It seemed like so much was happening all at once.

Emmett put his hand on my shoulder. "You call Bitt, and I'll get everything ready for your shower."

"Thanks, Em," I told him as I wheeled to the phone and called Bitt. She answered on the second ring.

"Hey, Edward! How was your workout?" My sister could be very enthusiastic.

"It was good. Emmett's a great trainer," I replied. "How's softball going?"

"It's great! Coach says I might be a starter soon. Can you believe it? Freshman don't always get the chance to start," Bitt said excitedly.

"I'm s-so proud of you," I said.

"I got it from you and Emmett. All of that practice in the backyard paid off."

I laughed. "So Bella said you called about piano lessons?"

"Yep. Are you ready to get started? Is tomorrow OK?" she asked.

"Tomorrow? So s-soon?"

"Why not? No time like the present," Bitt replied.

"I know, Bitt, but it's just a lot to take in," I said. "Walking, working out, and now piano lessons. You've g-got to understand where I'm coming from."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to stress you out," Bitt apologized. "We can wait a while if you want."

I sighed. "No, you're right. No time like the present. I guess there's no s-sense in waiting."

"Yay!" Bitt squealed. "I'll have Dad drop me off after practice. I can't wait!"

I hammered out the final details with Elizabeth before going to take my shower. Emmett had the bathroom ready for me. I didn't have any problems getting in and out of the tub, but I couldn't take a shower unsupervised because of my risk of seizures. Bella or Emmett would wait for me in the bathroom. It made me feel like a child, but I supposed it was better than a head injury or drowning.

By the time I got out of the shower and dried and dressed, I was exhausted. It had been a long day. "I'm going to bed," I told Emmett.

"Bed? It's only 8:30," Emmett said, looking at his watch.

"I'm tired," I replied. "You know I don't have the energy I used to have. Everything wears me out."

"Sorry. I guess I just forgot about that. You've been getting better, and I often think you're back to normal." Emmett looked a little sad.

I had to laugh, though. "Back to normal? In a wheelchair?"

Emmett looked exasperated. "You know what I mean. You're doing more and more things every day, and I don't see you as disabled. You're just Edward. You're my brother who just happens to be in a wheelchair."

I was so touched by Emmett's words that it took me a minute to speak. "Thanks, Em. Thanks for being here and for taking care of me. I love you." Oh crap. Emmett was going to tease me for being sappy.

Apparently Emmett was feeling just as sappy because he crushed me in a huge bear hug. "I love you too, little brother. I'll always be here for you."

Emmett left soon afterwards, and I kissed Bella good night and went to bed. I hadn't been asleep for very long when I had a nightmare, my first one in a long time.

I was at my parents' house with Bella, and we were surrounded by our family. There had apparently been some kind of party. I was sitting on the sofa next to Bella when I suddenly felt dizzy and disoriented. Bella said something about going home, so I stood up when she did. The dizziness became worse, and I had to grab on to Bella for support. The room was spinning and I couldn't make it stop. Then I felt the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I literally thought that my head was going to explode. All I wanted was for the pain to stop. I tried to say something, to ask for help, but I couldn't. Then I felt myself succumb to the pain and slipped into the darkness.

"NOOOO!" I yelled, sitting up in bed. "No!" I was breathing heavily, my heart was racing, and I had broken out in a cold sweat.

"Edward!" Bella called out as she flew into the room. "Edward! What's the matter? Are you all right?"

I was shaking and sobbing. "N-n-night-mare," I stuttered.

Bella sat next to me and rubbed my back. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

It took me a minute, but I finally nodded. I then told Bella about the whole thing, stuttering and stumbling over my words as I did. I was still crying when I finished, and Bella just looked at me sadly.

"Edward," she began softly, "that wasn't a dream. It really did happen. That was the night you had your stroke."

My eyes grew wide, and I began trembling again. I had never had any memory of that night before now. "Wh-why? Why did I re-remember it now?"

"I don't know," Bella said, still rubbing my back soothingly. "Maybe this is part of moving on. Maybe you had to remember it to deal with it."

I closed my eyes and tried to regain control of my breathing. "I wanted it to stop," I finally managed to whisper. "The pain, the s-spinning…I just wanted it to s-stop. But it wouldn't. It pulled me down, and I couldn't fight it. I should have tried to fight, though. Maybe if I had tried harder I could have stayed awake. Maybe I'd be normal now."

"Stop it," Bella said sharply. "You couldn't have prevented this. It's not your fault you had a stroke. You can't blame yourself." I opened my mouth to protest, but Bella cut me off. "No, Edward. I don't want to hear you take the blame for it. You said you couldn't fight it, and you were right. How were you supposed to know you had this AVM?"

"I'm s-sorry," I told her. "I just don't kn-know if I can handle this."

"You can. You will. You've been doing great," Bella assured me. "I'm here, and so is your family. We're going to help you get through it."

"Thanks," I said. "I want to sleep now, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to."

"I'll get you a sleeping pill," Bella replied, kissing me on the cheek before getting up to get my medicine.

Thankfully the sleeping pill put me in a deep, dreamless sleep and I was finally able to get some much-needed rest.

I felt better the next day, even though I was still worried about my nightmare. Therapy went well, though, and I walked even farther today. That improved my mood significantly. Alice picked me up from therapy, which improved my mood even more. It was impossible to be in a bad mood around her.

Alice and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating last night's leftovers when I decided to ask her a difficult question. "Alice, what was it like for everyone when I had my s-stroke?"

Alice looked nervous. "Are you sure you really want to know this?"

I nodded. "I need to know. Last night I had a nightmare. I remembered my stroke."

"Oh, Edward," Alice said sadly. "I'm so sorry." She paused for a moment before continuing. "It was bad. I don't know how Bella made it. She and Emmett went to see you before your surgery, and she nearly collapsed when she came out. Jasper caught her before she fell. Emmett went outside, and Rose said he just started yelling before he broke down and cried. Bella never left your side. She hardly ate or slept. And Esme. She was just a mess. Even Carlisle cried."

Alice paused for a moment to gauge my reaction. I looked at her pleadingly, silently urging her to go on.

"Elizabeth wouldn't even go and see you at first. She was completely in denial. It took her four days to finally go to the hospital."

My heart broke thinking of my baby sister working up the nerve to see me. I didn't know which was worse, that or Emmett crying.

"I s-suppose Jasper held everyone together," I said.

Alice shook her head. "He was fine when we were with everyone else, but he'd break down when it was just the two of us. He came home pretty upset one day when you told him you wanted to die. He said you could barely speak, but you made it clear how you felt. It nearly killed him to hear you say that. He was pretty scared."

I suddenly felt ashamed. How could I have done that to my best friend? "I'm s-sorry, Alice. I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry about?" Alice asked, shocked. "It's not as if you did any of this on purpose. Yes it was difficult, but it's not your fault. What we went through was nothing compared to you."

"Thanks, Alice. I needed to know this," I told her honestly.

Alice grabbed my hand. "We've come this far with you, and we're not going anywhere. We all love you, Edward."

I felt a lot better after talking to Alice. I had to know what my family went through while I was in a coma. I needed to understand.

I took my afternoon nap shortly after my talk with Alice. Bella was home when I woke up, so we hung out while she cooked. Elizabeth was coming by after dinner for my piano lesson. I only hoped I was ready.

Elizabeth was still in her softball clothes when Carlisle dropped her off. "Mom's right. You do s-stink after practice," I teased.

"Whatever," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Let's get started."

Bitt and I sat at the piano and began our lesson. Surprisingly, I could still name all the notes on the staff. I just couldn't remember the songs I had memorized. It wasn't easy, though. I was having a difficult time getting my hands and my brain to work together. Still, I managed to play a few scales. Bitt was excited, but I was frustrated.

"Edward, you did fine. Don't be so hard on yourself," Bitt insisted. "I'm proud of you."

"I want to play again. This isn't g-good enough," I replied, exasperated.

Bitt shook her head. "You're not going to become a concert pianist overnight. It's like walking. You have to take baby steps. I know it's easy for me to be positive, but you have to be positive too. Take it slow. Getting frustrated isn't going to help."

I smiled a little. "I thought I was supposed to be the one giving you advice. How did you get so s-smart?"

Bitt laughed and hugged me. "I guess I learned from my big brothers."

I took a sleeping pill that night so I would sleep without being awakened by nightmares. It worked, and I felt good in the morning.

Bella had gotten up before me, and she came into the bedroom as I finished getting dressed. "Good morning," she said as she kissed me. "Your breakfast is on the table, and I put your pills on the counter. This had become our morning ritual. Even though I was capable of making a few things, Bella usually fixed breakfast. She also set my pills on the kitchen counter so I'd remember to take them.

I wheeled into the kitchen and began eating. Bella had made scrambled eggs and toast, and I was about halfway finished when she joined me.

"Edward, why didn't you take your pills?" Bella asked me.

"I did," I replied. I always took my meds before breakfast. Why would today be any different?

"No you didn't," she said, walking over to me with the pills in her hand.

I looked at Bella in confusion. "I always take them before I eat. I guess I forgot."

Bella smiled, but I could see she was worried. "It's OK," she said, handing me the pills.

It _wasn't_ OK. I never forgot to take my medicine. I took the pills, but I was angry at myself for forgetting.

Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to make progress in therapy. I was walking more each day and couldn't wait to get rid of my wheelchair. My workouts with Emmett were going well. I was getting stronger, so Emmett increased the difficulty. I finally got permission from Dr. Snow to work my legs, and Emmett put together a difficult program. I enjoyed the exercise, but it was hard at times.

My piano lessons with Bitt weren't going as well. She was proud of my progress, but I felt like I was capable of more than "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Bitt kept reminding me that it would take me a while to relearn everything, but I was impatient. I wanted to be able to play and compose like I did before the stroke.

I spent the day before Mother's Day at my parents' house. The girls had all gone shopping, so I hung out with Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper and watched baseball. It was fun to have some guy time. I eventually fell asleep, though, and I napped for a while until the girls came home from their shopping trip.

"Did you have a good day?" Bella asked me.

I kissed her. "S-sure did. How about you?"

"Alice dragged us in every single store in the mall," Bella replied with a sigh. "I'm exhausted."

"Oh come on, Bella, it wasn't so bad," Alice insisted. "Besides, I know Edward's going to love some of the things you bought."

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh really. I c-can't wait."

Bella playfully swatted me and whispered in my ear, "Neither can I."

Esme wound up ordering pizza, and we all sat around laughing and talking. We shared tales of past Mother's Days, and Esme had plenty of interesting ones. Then again, she did have Emmett as a son.

We had just finished eating when Elizabeth made a suggestion. "Hey Edward, why don't you play the piano for us?"

I shot her a dirty look. I wasn't quite ready to play for anyone yet. "No," I said firmly.

Elizabeth was persistent, though. "Oh come on. You're doing great. Show everyone what you've learned."

"I don't feel c-comfortable enough yet," I said.

Then Emmett chimed in. "I wanna hear you play."

"Behave you two," Carlisle admonished them. "You can't force your brother to play if he's not ready."

"But Dad, Edward's making so much progress," Elizabeth said. "You'd be so proud of him!"

Carlisle looked over at me and smiled. "I'm proud of Edward no matter what."

Elizabeth didn't want to give up. "Please, Edward. Just one song."

I became exasperated because I knew my sister wasn't going to give up. She was as stubborn as I was. "OK, but only one s-song."

Everyone followed me into the den as I got settled at the piano. I played a few scales to warm up before I launched into "Twinkle Twinkle." I was halfway through the song, though, when my mind went completely blank. I couldn't remember what I was supposed to play.

Elizabeth placed her hand on my shoulder. "What's the matter?" she asked.

"I can't remember the rest," I replied quietly.

"You've been playing that song just fine," she replied. "You can do it."

"I can't remember," I repeated. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "I can't fucking remember!" I yelled. Elizabeth flinched as if I had hit her.

Emmett wrapped his arm around Bitt protectively. "Don't you dare yell at her like that!" he shot back.

I continued yelling. "You're just as bad! I don't know why you can't accept me the way I am! I'm not perfect, and you can't make me all better again! Why can't you just face the facts! I'm damaged! I'm tired of you trying to make me perfect!"

I didn't even wait for Emmett to respond. I wheeled myself into Carlisle's study, slammed the door, and buried my face in my hands and cried. I was sorry I had yelled at my brother and sister, but I was angry at them for pushing me so hard. I heard someone come into the room, but I didn't look up until I heard a voice.

"Edward, talk to me please." It was Jasper. "I know you're upset and overwhelmed, but talk to me about it."

I couldn't hide anything from Jasper, so I figured I might as well tell him. "I feel like they want me to be perfect, but I'm not. It's like they can't accept me. I want to go back to being the old me, but I can't. Why can't they just love me for who I am?"

"They do love you," Jasper said, sitting down on the couch. I wheeled myself next to him, and he continued. "They only want you to get better. You have to speak up, though, when it becomes too much. Do Emmett and Bitt know how you feel?"

"No," I replied, looking down.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, and I looked up. "You have to tell them," he said. "They're not mind readers. Emmett and Bitt wouldn't be pushing you so hard if they know how you felt. Be honest with them. They deserve that much."

I sighed. "It's just hard, Jasper. They've been going out of their way for me. If I tell them to s-stop, I might seem ungrateful."

"You don't have to stop. Just ask them to slow down," Jasper suggested.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door, and Carlisle came in and sat with us. "Are you OK?"

I shook my head. "I'm s-sorry, Dad. I'm just so overwhelmed."

"I know. I just had a little talk with Emmett and Elizabeth, and they're going to lay off. But I'm worried about you, Edward. Bella told me you've been quite forgetful lately."

"I can't remember things," I whispered. Carlisle and Jasper looked at me with concern as I went on. "I forget things. I forget to take my medicine and who's picking me up from therapy and other little things."

"How long has this been going on?" Carlisle asked me.

"A couple of weeks," I told him. I paused for a moment. "Do you think it has anything to do with my head injury?"

Carlisle nodded. "I think it does. You didn't have any problems after the stroke, so I'm pretty sure the head injury is causing it. I'm free Monday afternoon, so I'd like to take you in to see Dr. Snow."

"OK. I hope he can help," I replied. "I hate feeling this way."

"We'll see," Carlisle said with a smile. "Now if you're feeling up to it, your brother and sister would like to talk to you."

"I want to apologize to them," I said, and Carlisle, Jasper, and I headed back to the den.

Elizabeth ran up and threw her arms around me. "I'm sorry, Edward," she sobbed. "I didn't mean to push you like that. We'll slow it down. I promise."

I hugged my sister back and tried to comfort her. "No, Bitt, I'm the one who should be s-sorry. I sh-shouldn't have yelled at you." I looked up at Emmett. "Em, I'm s-sorry. I should have told you how I felt."

Emmett knelt down and put one arm around me and the other around Bitt. "It's OK, Edward. I think we sometimes forget how hard it is for you. We do want you to get better, but it has to be on your terms. We won't force it."

"Thanks, guys," I told them. "I love you both so much for believing in me and wanting to help me."

"We love you too," Elizabeth said as we pulled in for a group hug.

Emmett was wiping his eyes as we broke our hug. "Em, are you crying?" I asked him.

"No. It's my allergies," he insisted. All we could do was laugh at him.

Monday afternoon I found myself in Dr. Snow's office. He examined me thoroughly, and I told him about the symptoms I had been experiencing.

"Memory loss after a head injury is common," Dr. Snow explained. "Fortunately it does often go away. In the meantime, there are ways to cope with it. Make lists and write things down. You may even want to use a small tape recorder to remind yourself of things. I'd also like for you to work on crossword puzzles or sudokus to keep your brain active."

I felt relieved. I could do that. I honestly thought it would be much worse.

Then Dr. Snow smiled. "Now Edward, I'd like you to try something."

I began to smile as well when Dr. Snow explained what he wanted me to do. Hell, I almost shouted from the rooftops.

BPOV

I couldn't wait to get home Monday afternoon. It had been a rough day at school, and I was a nervous wreck about Edward's doctor's appointment. I was petrified about what Dr. Snow might find.

Carlisle was in the living room when I got home. "Hey, Bella," he greeted me. "How was your day?"

"Terrible," I replied as I sat down and rubbed my temples. "How was Edward's appointment?"

"I think I'd better let Edward tell you himself," Carlisle said as he got up and went to the bedroom.

I became even more nervous. What could possibly have gone wrong? Then Edward appeared in the living room. If I hadn't been sitting, I'd have fallen down from the shock. Edward wasn't in his wheelchair. He was actually walking towards me with a walker. The smile on his face could have lit up the entire city of Seattle. My hand flew to my mouth, and I began crying tears of joy.

"Well, what do you think?" he asked proudly.

It took me a minute to find my voice. "Oh my God, Edward! You're walking! You're walking!" I was finally able to get up, and I launched myself at Edward.

Edward hugged me tightly. "I know. I can't believe it myself. I didn't think I'd ever walk again. But I did it, Bella. I did it. Hopefully I'll be walking on my own s-soon."

"I love you so much," I said through my tears. "I am so proud to be your fiancée."

"I love you too," he replied as he kissed me.

I never thought this day would come, but it had. It didn't matter that Edward was using a walker. He was walking. He had fought so hard for this, and he had done it. He was truly my hero.

**A/N: Edward's prism glasses are real. I have a link to a great article about them on my profile.**


	12. Chapter 12 When It Rains

**Yes, my dear readers, I am back! I'm going to spare you the excuses and just hope that you enjoy the chapter. Thanks to my wonderful beta Bittenev. She's not only a kick-ass beta, but she is a wonderful friend whom I love dearly. To the other two-thirds of my triumvirate--pwtf and Eclipsegirl--you are awesome. Thanks for putting up with me. I love y'all lots. Thanks so much to everyone who has stuck with me on this ride. You totally rock.**

**The song for this chapter is "When It Rains" by Paramore. The link is on my profile.**

**Just a warning for the younguns out there--there's a reason why this story is rated M!**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight. I own an Edward Cullen action figure.**

**Chapter 12—When It Rains**

EPOV

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror on Friday morning getting myself ready for the day. I still couldn't believe I was standing there. Ever since my doctor had decided at my appointment on Monday that he wanted me to try walking with the aid of a walker, I felt like a different person. I no longer felt like an invalid. Walking with assistance was better than not walking at all.

Then on Wednesday I got my prism glasses. I was still getting used to them, but I could already tell that my vision had improved. Even though I knew they were necessary, I was still hesitant about wearing glasses. That changed, however, when Bella told me I looked hot with them.

I ran my hands through my hair, and I was ready. It was great to actually have enough hair to run my hands through. It was still much shorter than I normally wore it, and I was waiting impatiently for it to grow back. At least my scar was barely visible now. I hated the large gash on the right side of my head. Not only was it a visible reminder of what had happened to me, but it was also just plain ugly. I was extremely self conscious about it. Emmett would tease me and say that I was going to have to wear a toupee when I was old and bald. The teasing stopped when I finally had enough and smacked him in the back of the head.

I did have a couple of visible scars to remind me of my ordeals. There was an angry red line on my forehead courtesy of the fall I had after my last seizure. I hoped in time it would fade. I also had a small but ugly scar on my neck from the central line I had during my most recent hospital stay. They didn't bother me as much as my brain surgery scar, but that didn't mean I liked them.

I shuffled into the kitchen, where Bella had my pills and breakfast waiting. Probably the only drawback to the walker was that it was difficult to carry things since I needed my hands to hold on. At least in the wheelchair I could put things in my lap. I took my medicine and had just sat down to eat when Bella joined me.

"I'll never get tired of seeing you smile," Bella said, looking at me lovingly.

I hadn't even realized I was smiling. "I'll never get tired of smiling at you," I replied. "Besides, it's Friday. No therapy and no s-school over the weekend."

"Yeah, but you're going to the game tomorrow," Bella said, pouting.

The guys were going to a Mariners game tomorrow. Even though I was looking forward to spending time with the guys, I was worried about getting around the stadium. Carlisle insisted everything would be fine, but I wasn't quite as convinced.

I laughed at Bella's expression. "Don't be sad. I'd honestly rather spend the day with you."

"You're too sweet," Bella replied, "but I thought you were excited about the game."

"Not really," I admitted. "I just don't know about dealing with the crowd and the stadium. I'm going to have to use my wheelchair because I'll never be able to do all that walking." Since I tired so easily, walking long distances was difficult for me. Dr. Snow advised me to take it easy and use the wheelchair if I needed to. "You know how much I hate that damn chair. Navigating the stadium in it isn't going to be much fun."

Bella reached over and took my hand. "Have you talked about this with your father? Perhaps you could go later in the summer when you're able to walk more."

I shook my head. "I've already talked to him. He doesn't think it'll be that bad. He keeps saying that the stadium is wheelchair friendly and that I'll be all right. I know he means well, but he has no idea what it's like for me. No one does. I've seen many stroke victims come through the ER, but I never understood what they were really going through until I had one. Everything suddenly became so hard. Trust me, I'll never take little things for granted again. I never thought I'd be upset about not being able to walk around a baseball stadium."

"You don't have to go," Bella said. "Just tell Carlisle you can't handle it."

"I have to go," I insisted. "I need to get out there and do things."

"You could start smaller than Safeco Field," Bella pointed out.

I laughed, but deep down I knew Bella was right. I wasn't entirely comfortable with going to the game, but I didn't want to let anyone down. I decided to change the subject. "Isn't Rosalie picking me up today?"

Bella nodded. "Yes, and she's also going to stop by the pharmacy so you can pick up your prescriptions."

Therapy went well that day. Jake and Tanya were just as excited as my family about me walking. Their wedding was a little over a week away, and Bella and I were excited for them.

Rosalie picked me up afterwards, and we went to the pharmacy. Emmett had taken one of my handicapped parking permits home with him the night before so Rose would have it. Because of my condition, I was able to get them from the DMV. Bella had one, and usually whoever else was driving me around had the other. I had tags that could be hung from the rearview mirror instead of a handicapped license plate so we could transfer them from car to car.

Rose pulled her red convertible into a handicapped parking spot in front of the pharmacy and hung the tag from the rearview mirror. I opened my door and waited for her to get my walker.

As I waited, I noticed an elderly woman walking by. "Excuse me, young lady," she said to Rose, "but this is a handicapped spot."

"Yes ma'am, I know," Rose replied. "I have a hang tag."

"Well you certainly don't look handicapped," the woman retorted.

Oh no. I knew that Rosalie wasn't going to react well to that. I was correct. "You're right. I'm not," Rose shot back angrily, "but my brother-in-law is." The woman looked at me suspiciously and started to say something, but Rose cut her off. "Do you have a problem with a young person being disabled? He had a stroke, not that it's any of your business."

I wanted to crawl into a hole. I wasn't embarrassed by Rose's actions but by my condition. I shouldn't have needed that handicapped tag. I shouldn't have been going to the pharmacy to get prescriptions for high blood pressure, depression, and seizures. I should have been working in the ER and standing on my own two feet.

"Edward? Are you OK?" Rosalie's voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just thinking about s-something."

"I'm thinking I should have told that old biddy where to go," Rose replied.

"Please, Rose, it's OK," I said pleadingly.

"No it's not," Rosalie insisted. "That woman had no right to judge. She doesn't know you." She gave me my walker and must have noticed my expression because hers softened. "Edward, I hate that this happened to you. I also hate the way people treat you because of it. You're no different from anyone else. I wish people would realize that."

"I know," I replied quietly, "but as long as I look different people will treat me differently. It sucks, but it's true. Hopefully I'll be back to normal soon."

"You will be. I just know it." Rosalie seemed pretty confident.

"Yeah, we'll see," I whispered as I began to make my way to the pharmacy.

The next thing I knew, Rosalie was standing in front of me, blocking my way. "Edward Anthony Cullen!" she practically yelled. "Hold it right there! I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again. How dare you even think you won't get better! Edward, you've come so far. I remember the first time I saw you after your stroke. I cried because I wasn't sure if you'd come back to us. Now I see you walking, and it makes me cry because I'm so damn happy. Emmett is ecstatic because he has his brother back. You're going to make it. You can and will be your old self again. Be patient, Edward. Don't give up because the rest of us sure as hell won't."

I couldn't believe we were having this discussion in a parking lot. People were stopping and staring, but neither of us cared. "Rosalie, you do realize the only reason I've come this far is because of all of you. It's true. I'm getting better, and it excites and scares me at the same time. What if I can learn to function normally but never go back to work? What if I can never be independent? What happens then? What am I going to do?"

Rosalie took my hand, and I could see tears in her eyes. "I don't know. I wish I had some answers. Things will fall into place. They have to."

And with that, the subject was dropped. Rose and I went in, got my prescriptions, and left. Neither of us said anything on the way home. I was so tired, but Rose wouldn't let me take a nap until I had eaten something. I didn't feel like arguing with her again, so I complied. Then I finally got to take my much-needed nap.

When I woke up a couple of hours later, I made my way to the living room and found Bella and Rosalie discussing wedding plans.

"You'd better not let Alice find out you were doing this without her," I teased. "She won't be happy." I walked over to Bella and kissed her.

Both Bella and Rose laughed. "We just won't tell her," Bella teased back. "Besides, it's easier to do things without her. You know how Alice is. She'd have gone totally overboard by now."

Our laughter was interrupted by Rosalie's phone. "It's Emmett," she said, jumping up to take the call.

I sat down next to Bella and rested my head on her shoulder. "How was your day?" she asked as she put her arm around me.

"OK," I sighed. "Did Rosalie tell you what happened today?"

Bella nodded. "I'm sorry."

I sighed again. "Don't be. There really isn't anything to be s-sorry for. Stuff like that happens. I just have to learn to deal with it."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like it," Bella said. "I wish I could have been there to see Rose in action."

"She was pretty scary," I admitted. "I guess I should feel lucky, though, to have a sister-in-law who cares that much."

"Damn straight!" Rosalie had just come back into the room. "No one messes with my family and gets away with it."

"Thanks, Rose," I said as she hugged me.

"Just don't ever doubt yourself again or I'll be forced to kick your ass," Rosalie replied. We all laughed before she continued. "Emmett and I are meeting Alice and Jasper for dinner in a little bit. Are you guys in?"

I shook my head. "I'm really tired. I want to get a good night's sleep since tomorrow's going to be a long day." Then I realized I hadn't even considered that Bella might want to go. "I'm s-sorry," I said, looking at Bella. "We can go if you want."

Bella waved her hand dismissively. "It's OK. I don't mind staying in. It'll be nice to have a quiet evening at home."

We did end up having a nice evening. We ate the previous night's leftovers for dinner before Bella helped me take a shower. I was still pretty tense from the events of the day, so Bella gave me a wonderful neck and shoulder massage. Little Edward would have liked more, but I was too exhausted for that kind of activity. I did at least sleep well with Bella in my arms.

I slept in on Saturday morning since I knew I probably wouldn't get to take my afternoon nap. I still wasn't gung ho about gong to the baseball game, but I was looking forward to spending time with the guys.

I was dressed and ready to go when everyone met at our house for noon. The girls were going shopping and to a movie while we were at the game.

"Have fun," Bella said as she kissed me goodbye. "Just relax and enjoy yourself."

I tried to keep Bella's words in my mind as I wheeled myself out to Carlisle's Mercedes. Thankfully the car was big enough to hold Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Charlie, and me. The guys were excited about the game, and I found myself sharing in their enthusiasm. Then we got to the stadium.

I began to feel overwhelmed as we made our way to our seats. I let Carlisle push my wheelchair as I took deep breaths and tried to stay calm.

"Aren't we going to get some provisions before we sit down?" Emmett asked, pointing back to the concession stand we had just passed.

"Let's get Edward settled first," Carlisle replied, "then we'll come back up." He then patted my shoulder to reassure me. It didn't help, but I appreciated the gesture.

I felt a lot better once we got to our seats. Emmett and Jasper went back to the concession stand to get drinks, hot dogs, and popcorn for everyone. Then the game began, and I was finally able to enjoy myself. I was having a great time and really got into the game. The Mariners were winning big, which helped a lot.

Everything was going well until the sixth inning. "Dad," I said, leaning over to talk to Carlisle. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Carlisle nodded and got up to wheel me to the restroom. I was fine until we got to the concourse. I became nervous when I saw all the people. My heart rate and breathing picked up.

"Dad, can you please hurry?" I asked nervously.

Carlisle picked up his pace and got me to the restroom as quickly as he could. It wasn't until we got into the restroom that he saw the panicked expression on my face.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Carlisle asked me. "What's the matter?"

I couldn't even answer him. Thankfully the handicapped stall was available, so Carlisle wheeled me in there to avoid prying eyes.

"Edward, you have to tell me what's wrong," Carlisle said gently. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."

It took me a minute, but I was finally able to speak. "I'm scared. All those people out there make me nervous. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I can't handle it."

Carlisle was surprised. "I've never seen you like this before. Why does this scare you so much?"

"I haven't been in a crowd this large since my s-stroke. I'm also nervous about getting around the s-stadium in my wheelchair." I was trying to get my breathing back to normal so I could calm myself.

"Edward, you're doing great," Carlisle insisted. "You have nothing to be scared of."

"You don't understand," I countered. "I shouldn't be in a wheelchair being pushed around a baseball stadium by my father. People stare at me because I'm different. My family and friends can accept me, so I shouldn't worry what s-strangers think but I do. I hate it." Carlisle started to say something, but I cut him off. "No, Dad. Just please listen. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed. I'm s-scared. I can't deal with it. Please don't make me go back out there."

"Edward, you have to go out there," Carlisle replied. I shook my head, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. "I can't leave you in the men's room."

"No. I don't want to go back." I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but at that point I didn't care.

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. "You can do this. I know you can. Just try."

I was silent for a minute. "I'll try," I said quietly. "I guess it's the least I can do."

"Good," Carlisle said. "I'll wait right outside of the stall so you can use the restroom."

Carlisle left me alone to take care of business. I joined him when I was finished, and he wheeled me back to our seats. I had to close my eyes and focus on my breathing to stay calm. I could only open my eyes when I was safely back in my seat. Emmett, Jasper, and Charlie looked concerned.

"Is everything OK? Are you all right, little bro?" Emmett asked. "Do we need to leave?"

"No, I can stick it out," I told him. "I don't want to make you leave early."

Of course Jasper wasn't buying it. "Something's wrong. I know it is. Let's get you home."

I started to protest, but Charlie cut me off this time. "The Mariners are up by seven. I don't necessarily need to sit through a blowout. We can leave."

I felt awful about making them leave early, but they seemed OK with it. I closed my eyes again as we made our way to the car. No one said anything, but Emmett did give my hand a reassuring squeeze as I got in the car.

When we got back to the house, I went straight to my room and got in bed. I was beyond exhausted, both physically and mentally. Before I could get to sleep, though, Emmett and Jasper came in the room.

"Edward, talk to us please," Jasper said as he and Emmett sat on the bed.

"No. You'll just think I'm crazy or s-something. Leave me alone," I replied, turning away from them and sounding like a child yet again.

"We would never think that," Jasper insisted. "We want to help you. Obviously something happened today. What's going on?"

I didn't answer. I continued to lie there, facing the wall. Emmett and Jasper sat silently.

Finally Emmett had enough. "Dammit, Edward, what the hell happened?! You've been doing so great and now all of a sudden you're back in your shell! You need to start talking!"

I was pissed. I sat up and faced my brother. "You w-want to know what's wrong? Fine!" I yelled. "I had a panic attack! I couldn't handle being around all those people! I was s-scared shitless! Are you happy now?! Your little brother's a freak!"

All of a sudden, Emmett grabbed me in a huge bear hug. "Crap, Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had panic attacks."

"This was my first one," I replied as I tried to extricate myself from Emmett's grasp. "I hadn't been in a crowd that big since the stroke, and I got scared. I didn't know what to do."

"You've been out and about lately," Emmett pointed out. "Why were you scared?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was worried about getting around the stadium. I didn't want to ruin everyone's fun. I didn't want people staring at me cause I'm different. You guys treat me like I'm normal, so I don't know why I care what s-strangers think."

"Do you remember the first time we went to dinner after you got out of the hospital?" Jasper asked me. I nodded, and he continued. "I said that people weren't staring at you as much as you thought they were. It's true. Sure, some people may stop and look, but they're not going to stare at you like you're a freak. I've seen a big difference in you, Edward. You've become a lot more confident lately, and it's hard to see you hurting like this."

"Do you know what was even scarier?" I practically whispered. "I was afraid my panic attack was going to cause a seizure. It's so hard not being in control. I hate it."

Emmett looked at me hesitantly as if he were afraid to say what was on his mind. He finally just said it. "Have you talked to anyone about this, like a shrink or somebody like that? I know you're taking something for depression, but maybe you need more."

"Emmett's right," Jasper agreed. "What about support groups? You know you can always talk to us, but it might be helpful to talk to someone who's been through the same things you have."

I felt myself getting teary eyed. "I'll think about it. I promise."

"Good," Emmett said. "Now get some rest. We'll be in the living room if you need us."

"Thanks for everything," I told them. "You guys are the best."

Emmett and Jasper left me, and I settled in for my nap. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I was apparently more tired than I thought because it was almost midnight when I woke up. The room was in darkness, and Bella was asleep next to me. I sat up and tried to get my bearings.

"Edward, you OK?" Bella muttered sleepily.

"I'm good. Go back to s-sleep."

Bella sat up and turned on the bedside lamp. "I missed you today," she said.

"I missed you too," I replied. "It wasn't a very good day."

"I heard," Bella said, scooting over to put her arm around me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know why I was so scared. I felt so v-vulnerable, so exposed. My heart s-started beating so fast. Then I thought I was going to have a seizure. I actually wanted to hide in the men's room. Why did this happen? I've been doing better. Emmett and Jasper even said I should talk to a professional or someone like that. I don't know, Bella. I just don't know."

Bella took my hands in hers. "You have to do what makes you feel comfortable. If you want to talk to someone, I'll support you completely. This is about you, Edward. I'm so proud of how far you've come, but I also know that you still have a long road ahead."

My Bella always knew how to make me feel better, and she wasn't just saying it. She truly meant it. I only hoped she realized how vital she was to my recovery.

Sunday was spent quietly at home with Bella. I just needed some time to recharge. As a result, I felt much better when I woke up Monday morning.

Tanya was on the phone at the front desk when I arrived at the rehab center. "Hey, Edward," she said, hanging up the phone. "How was your weekend?"

"Not too good," I replied glumly. Then I remembered what Jasper said about talking to someone who had been through the same things I had. "Tanya, can I talk to you?"

"Sure. Let's go somewhere quiet." Tanya led me into a small office, and we sat down across from each other. "What's wrong? You look like you just lost your puppy."

I told her all about the parking lot incident and my panic attack at the baseball game. She listened intently as I went on about my fears and insecurities. She never interrupted and just let me talk.

Tanya smiled weakly when I finished. "Unfortunately I can relate to everything you just said. I was just 18 when I had my accident. I was young, vain, and stupid. I went from being the pretty, popular cheerleader to an invalid. Once I was released from the hospital I just wanted to lock myself away in my room. My scar goes from ear to ear. There was no way I was going to let anyone see me with that while I was in a wheelchair. I was lucky, though, and so are you. We are both blessed with incredible families."

"I know my family loves me and supports me, but I wonder if it's enough," I said.

"It is enough," Tanya said. "My parents and my sisters held my hand, dried my tears, and loved me no matter what. They supported me every step of the way. I remember the first time I went to the mall after my accident. I was with my sisters, and I was still in my wheelchair. I was petrified. I just knew everyone was going to be making fun of me. Then I spotted a girl named Carmen who I had gone to high school with. She had been a cheerleader too. I knew she could be a bitch, and I nearly hyperventilated when I saw her. My older sister Irina realized how scared I was convinced me that I would be OK no matter what. She said that people who couldn't deal with my injuries were the ones who had problems. She was right, but I didn't have to worry. Carmen came up and talked to me like a normal person. She didn't treat me any differently. That's when I knew that I was going to be OK. I didn't really worry anymore about what people thought."

I looked at Tanya, surprised. "Really? That's all it took?"

"Yep. That was it," Tanya replied. "Once I knew this so-called bitchy girl could accept me, I was good. Besides, the people who were the most important to me were all fine with it. They would make sure I was OK."

"I feel like I've come so far," I said, "so why am I letting this bother me?"

"Focus on the positive, Edward. Focus on the good things. You can do this." Tanya's face was serious, and I knew she was right.

"I'll try," I promised.

"Good," Tanya said with a smile. "So, you and Bella are going to be at the wedding, aren't you?"

"Of course," I replied. "We wouldn't miss it."

I felt better after my talk with Tanya, so I decided to do something outside of my comfort zone. I called Renee and arranged a visit to her classroom for that coming Friday. I had really missed the kids, and I was anxious to see their reactions to me.

Friday came, and Esme picked me up from therapy to drop me off at the elementary school. She wanted to stay, but I assured her it wasn't necessary. Bella got out of school an hour before the little kids, so she was coming by to pick me up.

I was a nervous wreck, so I took a deep breath before I knocked on the door. Renee let me in, and I was totally unprepared for the reaction I got. Twenty kindergarteners were surrounding me, squealing happily. It was wonderful.

"Dr. Edward!" they called out.

"All right, children, let's have a seat so Dr. Edward can talk to us," Renee directed them. The kids sat on the rug they used for group time, and Renee had a chair for me.

"Thank you all so much for the great cards and pictures you sent me," I told them. "They made me feel so much better."

Mary Beth, a quiet, sweet girl, raised her hand first. "Mrs. Swan said you were really, really sick. She said you had to go to the hospital."

I nodded. "I had a boo boo inside my head that made me very sick. I couldn't talk when I first got sick, and I couldn't walk either."

The next student to raise her hand was Rachel. She was a bright little girl who liked to help me play the piano when I visited. "I had to get an operation to get my tonsils out. Did you have to get an operation to get your boo boo out?"

"I did have an operation," I told her. "The doctor had to take my boo boo out so I could get better."

Rachel wasn't finished. "Well if the boo boo was in your head, how did they get it out?"

I hesitated, but I answered her question. "The doctor had to cut my head open to get it out."

A few of the kids said "Ewww!" but I heard several of them say "Wow!" or "Cool!" I looked at Renee, and we both laughed.

Briggs, a very inquisitive little boy, had a question about my walker. "My grandpa had one of those when he hurt his knee. Did you hurt your knee too?"

"I did hurt my leg," I replied, trying to think of the best way to explain things. "I couldn't walk for a long time, and I had to use a wheelchair. Now my leg is getting better, so I can walk with this."

I answered a few more questions before reading a story to the kids. They didn't seem to notice or care that I stuttered a bit. After the story, Rachel had another question.

"Dr. Edward, can we play the piano now?" she asked eagerly.

I felt a lump in my throat, and I noticed Renee looking at me anxiously. I took a deep, calming breath before I answered her. "I can't play the piano. My hand isn't strong enough because of my boo boo."

"That's OK," Rachel replied. "You can play the piano when you're all better."

I smiled and wished I could be as positive and optimistic as these kids. They could have cared less about the way my stroke affected me. As I walked around and watched them complete an art activity, they interacted with me like they always did. I was having a wonderful time.

Bella arrived a short time later. She stood off to the side and laughed as I hung out with my little friends.

Dismissal time came all too soon. As Renee got the kids lined up, I received lots of hugs. One little girl in particular clung to me. She was a brown-eyed blonde named Bella. In fact, she had once told me that since my girlfriend's name was Bella, she wanted to be my girlfriend too. I even stitched her up once in the ER because she wouldn't let any of the other doctors near her.

"Bella sweetie, it's time to go," I told her.

"Are you going to come back and see us?" Little Bella asked, a serious look on her adorable face.

"I will try," I replied. "Some days I don't feel very good, so I don't know when I'll be able to come back."

Little Bella responded by throwing her arms around me. "I love you, Dr. Edward."

I leaned over and hugged her back. "I love you too. I will come back and see you as soon as I can."

Renee led the kids outside, and Bella came over and put her arm around me. "Was that little girl trying to steal my man?" she teased. We laughed, but Bella suddenly became serious. "You looked so happy and so at ease with those kids. It was great."

"It was amazing. They were curious, but they really didn't care that I was different," I said. "I guess I really needed this. I'm glad I came here today."

I was feeling quite confident after that, and I continued to feel that way until we were on our way to Jake and Tanya's wedding Saturday evening.

"Edward, calm down," Bella said as she drove to the church. "It's going to be fine."

I didn't know why I was nervous. My parents would be there along with colleagues from the hospital. They were all people I felt comfortable being with.

We arrived at the church, and Bella came around the car to give me my walker. "You look very handsome," she said.

I laughed. I had lost so much weight since my stroke that none of my suits fit anymore. Emmett had taken me shopping for a new suit during the week, which had been quite an adventure.

"And you look beautiful as always," I said, kissing her cheek.

We walked toward the church, but I stopped at the door. "I just need a minute," I said quietly to Bella.

Bella rubbed my back soothingly. "It's OK. Take a deep breath."

I calmed myself, and Bella and I entered the church. I saw several familiar faces, and I immediately felt at ease. My mother spotted us and gave a small wave. She and my father were seated in the middle of the congregation and had saved us a spot.

The wedding was beautiful. It was funny to see big, strong Jake so nervous, but the love in his eyes was obvious. He and Tanya were pronounced husband and wife, and everyone cheered. Soon the ceremony was over, and we were on our way to the reception.

I wasn't as nervous about the reception. Carlisle and Esme got there before us and had already saved us a table. The bridal party arrived soon after. Once the pictures and toasts were out of the way, the party began. We congratulated Jake and Tanya, and Jake insisted on introducing us to his father.

"Edward, Bella, this is my dad Billy Black," Jake said. "Dad, this is Dr. Edward Cullen and his fiancée Bella Swan."

Billy smiled at us warmly as we each shook his hand. I was surprised, however, to see that he was wheelchair bound.

"Ah, so this is your star patient," Billy chuckled. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I laughed. "I don't know if I'd call myself that. It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Black."

"Please, it's Billy. Mr. Black is my father," he replied. "And don't underestimate yourself. Both Jake and Tanya have told me what a fighter you are. Keep that positive attitude. Some days it may be the only thing working in your favor."

It was obvious that Billy had a positive attitude. He spent most of the night on the dance floor despite the fact he was in a wheelchair. He always seemed to be smiling or laughing, and it was definitely genuine. If this man could be so happy, why couldn't I be?

Unfortunately, I tired out, so Bella and I left early. It was only 9:30 when we got home. I was tired, but I wasn't necessarily sleepy.

"That was a great wedding," Bella said as we changed clothes. "I hope ours is just as nice," she added, taking off her dress.

"It will be because you'll be the most beautiful bride ever," I replied, kissing her as I took off my shirt. Our kiss became more passionate, and I knew exactly what I wanted.

I slid my hands down Bella's back and unhooked her bra. I then slid the straps off her shoulders and watched as it fell to the ground. I continued to kiss her, but my hands stayed on her breasts giving them plenty of attention. Bella arched her back into me, and her soft breasts felt wonderful against my bare chest. The feeling sent electric sparks through my body. I wanted more of her, but I couldn't do it standing up. Somehow I dragged us to the bed and settled myself between her legs. Bella's moans of pleasure made me rock hard, and I wanted her even more.

Usually Bella took the lead when we made love after the stroke because it was hard for me to do so physically. Not tonight though. I was in charge. I removed her panties and lowered my head between her legs. "God, Bella, you're already wet for me." I took my time kissing, licking, and nipping.

Bella was writhing underneath me. "Edward, please," she panted.

"Please what?" I asked her, even though I knew exactly what she wanted.

"I need you," she said.

I sat up and began taking my pants off. I was going too fast, though, and my left hand didn't want to cooperate.

"Arrrgh!" I growled as I tried to undress.

Bella let out a small giggle, and I had to laugh as well. Thankfully she helped me get naked very quickly.

Finally I was on top of my beautiful Bella, ready to be inside of her. "Edward," she said, "are you OK with this? Are you OK with being on top?"

I showed her how OK I was by entering her in one quick motion, which caused her to gasp. I soon found my rhythm as I kissed Bella everywhere I could, down her neck, her collarbone, her breasts. I told her over and over how much I loved her. My efforts were rewarded with lots of moaning on Bella's part.

"Come on, Bella, s-scream my name," I urged her. I could definitely feel her desire, but I wanted to hear it as well. For the first time since my stroke, _I_ was in control. _I_ was the one giving _her_ pleasure. I needed to hear how it made her feel.

"Edward," she whimpered.

"I c-can't hold on much longer," I said. "Come on, Bella. Come with me."

Bella's walls clenched around me, and she screamed out in pleasure. That was all I needed to send me over the edge. I could barely hold myself up as I rode out my orgasm. I screamed out as well. I couldn't believe how great it felt to pull Bella's body to mine, to be in control of our love making.

I was absolutely exhausted as I pulled out of Bella and lay down next to her. I was so tired, and my left leg hurt, but it was all worth it.

"Are you all right?" Bella asked me as I tried to get comfortable.

I nodded. "I'm fine. My leg hurts, but I'll be OK."

"Let me get you something," Bella said, but I stopped her before she could get up.

"Don't you dare get out of this bed," I told her. "The only thing that will make me feel better is you lying next to me. I love you, Bella."

"I love you too," she replied. "You're amazing. Now get some sleep," she added, kissing me sweetly on the lips.

I pulled Bella close to me and inhaled her sweet scent. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about what had just happened. I had been able to make love to Bella like a real man. I had my ups and downs over the last few months, and now I finally felt like things were up and staying up. I felt good. I felt whole. I felt like the luckiest man in the world.


	13. Chapter 13 Ordinary World

**I'M ALIVE! Yep, I'm back with a vengeance! I apologize profusely for making you wait so long for this chapter. I do have good news, though. I've already started Chapter 14, so you won't have to wait four more months for an update.**

**Thanks a gazillion to my fantabulous beta Bittenev. She helps me with the tough stuff and makes my chapters all pretty. She's also an awesome person, and I love her! I also love the other two members of my world domination team, pwtf and Eclipsegirl. They are the best friends a girl could ever have!**

**The wonderful MaganBagan wrote a review of WHT for The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster that makes me all kinds of happy! I have a link to it on my profile if you're interested. Welcome aboard to all of you who put me on alert after reading her review! **

**The song for this chapter is "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all things Twilight. I only own a long brown wig for my Bella Halloween costume.**

**Chapter 13—Ordinary World **

EPOV

"Edward, calm down," Jasper said. "You're here to talk. You're not on death row."

Yeah, easy for him to say. He wasn't the one about to share everything with a stranger.

"Sorry," I replied. "I'm a little nervous about this whole thing."

"I know, but you don't have to worry so much," he told me. "Everyone here has been through something similar. They understand what you're going through. I think you'll feel better once it's over." He paused for a moment. "This is going to really help. You need this. I see glimpses of our old Edward, and I know this is going to bring you back to us." He smiled and squeezed my hand in reassurance.

Jasper was right. I knew deep down I really needed this. I had finally decided to get counseling to deal with everything that had happened since the stroke.

I had been doing just fine since Jake and Tanya's wedding. I was feeling good and felt like I was making progress both physically and mentally. So it was no big deal, then, when I decided to go to the supermarket with Bella on a Saturday afternoon two weeks after the wedding.

That was a big mistake. I was used to going shopping on weekdays when the stores weren't so crowded. I had forgotten just how crazy stores were on Saturdays. I started to feel anxious as soon as we entered the store, but I told myself I would be OK. I wasn't, though. We were in the store for less than five minutes when I began to hyperventilate.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella had asked, becoming very concerned.

It had taken me a minute to answer her. "Need to go," I managed to say. "Can't do this."

Bella realized what was happening and somehow got me out of the store. By the time we got to the car I was having a full-blown panic attack. I couldn't control my breathing, my stomach was cramping up, and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

"Come on, Edward, you can get through this," Bella encouraged me as she rubbed my back soothingly. "Focus on your breathing. I know you're scared, but you're safe now. Take deep breaths. You're doing great."

It took about 10 minutes for me to calm down enough for Bella to take me home. I began to feel better once I was in the safety of my own home.

That Monday I saw Dr. Snow, and he suggested that I talk to someone who understood what I was going through. Since most stroke support groups were geared towards older people, he recommended a counseling center for victims of traumatic brain injuries. The center was staffed by volunteers who were all survivors of brain injuries. After talking it over with Bella and Carlisle, we all agreed it was a good idea.

So here I was, just a few days later, sitting in the waiting room of the counseling center. Today was Bella's last day of school, so Jasper offered to take me to my appointment. I was happy he was with me because I knew he'd keep me calm. I was nervous about spilling my guts to a stranger, even if it was someone who understood my situation.

"Edward Cullen?" I looked up and saw a man about my age with long blond hair pulled into a ponytail and a friendly smile. Jasper patted me on the back, and I got up to join my new counselor.

The man extended his hand. "Hi, Edward. I'm James Chandler. It's nice to meet you."

I shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you too, James," I said as I followed him to a small office.

We sat across from each other, and James began. "So Edward, why don't you tell me about yourself."

I just sat there. I didn't know where to start. How was I supposed to tell my life story to a stranger when I had problems opening up to my family and friends?

James sensed my hesitance and took control. "I suppose I should tell you about myself and how I got here. When I was 21 years old, I had a brain aneurysm that ruptured. I was in college at the time, studying for my finals. Thankfully my roommate was home and called 911. If I hadn't gotten to the hospital when I did, I probably wouldn't have made it. I had surgery that night to relieve the pressure and bleeding in my brain. The whole thing left me partially paralyzed, and I had to relearn a lot of simple tasks. I was one of the lucky ones, though, who made it. I finished college, and now I'm a special education teacher. My students inspire me so much. It's the best job ever."

I listened intently to James's story. It was evident how proud he was of his students. His eyes lit up when he mentioned his job.

OK, I could do this. I could share my story. I went back to the beginning. "Well, I graduated from medical school last year and began my residency in the ER at Seattle Grace. My girlfriend Bella and I bought a house, and I proposed to her during the Christmas holidays. We had started planning our wedding when I got sick. Our family gave us an engagement party in January, and that was the night I had my stroke. I had an AVM that ruptured." I thought back to that awful night and shuddered. It took me a moment to continue. "I spent eight days in a coma and underwent two brain surgeries during that time. Like you, I'm having to relearn a lot of things."

James nodded when I finished my story. "Relearning things is tough. Were you able to walk and talk when you came out of the coma?"

I shook my head. "No. My speech came back pretty quickly since it was caused by paralysis and not brain damage. Walking took a lot longer. I've only had the walker about a month now. I regained sensation and movement in my arm a lot faster than I did in my leg."

I smiled a little bit, thinking of the day I took my first steps with the parallel bars. The feeling of euphoria and Emmett's tears of joy were things I'd never forget.

James's next question completely erased my smile. "What are some other things you've had difficulty with?"

I just sat there and stared at my hands in my lap. What hadn't been difficult for me? I could have sat there for hours talking about my difficulties. "My piano," I finally said in a barely audible whisper.

"Have you been able to play at all?" James asked.

I shook my head. "I s-started playing the piano when I was five. I was writing my own compositions by the time I was a teenager. My music helped to calm me when I was stressed. I forgot how to play because of the brain damage. My sister's been trying to teach me how to play again, but it's been so hard. My hands and my brain don't always cooperate. It's just so frustrating. I miss it so much. I try so hard, and I can't get it right. I keep pushing myself, but it hasn't helped."

"Have you ever stopped to consider that you're pushing yourself too hard?"

I looked up in surprise at James. Could he be right? Was I really trying too hard?

James continued. "Your music is obviously very important to you. What if you just focused on playing for the fun of it? Perhaps it'll come back quicker if you didn't put so much pressure on yourself. Just enjoy it."

"I don't know. Playing the piano just always came so easily to me," I replied. "I'm sure people will expect more out of me."

"This isn't about what other people think," James said. "This is about you, Edward. You need to feel comfortable."

I laughed a little. "My fiancée tells me the same thing all the time. She supports me no matter what I do, but she always says that I need to do what's best for me."

James nodded. "She's right. Don't worry about anyone else. Focus on you."

After talking about a few other smaller issues, James asked me, "Is there anything big that you'd like to talk about? Anything weighing heavily on your mind?"

I couldn't answer him. I knew I needed to talk about my panic attacks, but I just couldn't. Hell, it was hard enough to talk about them with my own family. There was no way I could tell James what I was going through.

"Edward, are you OK?" James asked, his voice full of concern. "You can tell me anything."

"I can't," I whispered. I wouldn't even look up at James.

"It's OK," James assured me. "I can't help you if you don't tell me. Trust me, I probably went through the same thing at some point."

"No. It's too hard. I can't do this." My eyes began to burn with tears. Great. Now I was embarrassed and about to cry.

"Edward, please talk to me," James said. "I'm sure you'll feel a lot better once you talk about it. I know it's hard to admit you need help. I've been there. I also know that I felt a lot better once I talked things over, especially when it was with someone who knew exactly what I was experiencing. I can't force you to tell me, but I wish you would."

I continued to sit there. The silence was deafening. I didn't want to admit I was weak, but I couldn't keep living in fear. I didn't know what to do. I finally decided to just tell James. Before I could say anything, though, James spoke up.

"One of the hardest things for me was panic attacks," James said. "They were pretty debilitating. Sometimes I think they were worse than the physical problems I had."

"I have panic attacks too," I admitted in a small voice. "I can't be in large crowds without feeling like I'm going to die. I spent so much time being depressed and angry and just when I was finally ready to start living again, this happened. I'm so scared."

James looked me straight in the eye. "I know exactly how you feel. My panic attacks were so bad that I didn't even want to leave my house. I would only leave to go to therapy because it was the only place besides home that felt safe to me."

It took me a minute, but I told James everything about the two attacks I had experienced. It was hard at first, but I felt more comfortable discussing it as I went on. At least I wasn't the only one who had experienced this. When I was finished, I asked James, "How did you get over it? What did you do?"

"Small steps," James replied. "I started by going to places that were familiar and comfortable. If I went to a movie or some sort of performance, I'd get there early so I could be seated before the crowd arrived. Once I realized I could handle those things, I'd try something out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it worked, but sometimes it didn't. I wouldn't know, though, unless I tried."

"I don't know if I can do it. I want to so much, but I just don't know," I confessed.

"You won't know unless you try," James said. "Just try. That's all I'm asking you to do."

James and I wrapped up our session, and I made my appointment for the following week. Although I was still unsure of some things, I did feel much better after talking with James.

Jasper didn't question me about my session as he drove me home, for which I was grateful. I wasn't quite ready to discuss it yet. His presence was calming, though, and it made me feel a lot better.

Bella wasn't home yet, so Jasper came inside with me. I was exhausted, physically and mentally, so I settled in for my afternoon nap. I tried not to think about what had happened during my counseling session. Even though it felt good to talk about it, I wasn't sure if I was ready to deal with everything yet.

I felt even better when I woke up a couple of hours later. I sat up and stretched as I reached for my glasses on the nightstand. When I did, though, I accidentally knocked the lamp over.

"Edward? Are you all right?" Bella called out as she entered the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little oops," I said, putting on my glasses.

Bella laughed and picked up the lamp before she sat next to me on the bed. "Did you have a good day?"

I shrugged. "It was OK, but I'm sure yours was better. School's out for summer."

"Thank goodness!" Bella said excitedly. "I love my job, but I'm glad the year is over." I laughed at her enthusiasm. "So," she continued, "how was your counseling session?"

Crap. I knew she wasn't going to let me avoid the subject even though I wanted to. "Good I guess."

"You guess? Did everything go OK?"

I sighed. "Yeah. It really did." I then proceeded to tell Bella all about my session. I told her everything James and I had talked about and the suggestions he gave me. I was in tears by the time I was finished.

"I'm so tired of this," I sobbed. "I'm tired of just existing. I want to live again. I'm scared to death, and I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to be me. I want a life."

Bella pulled me into a hug. "I know, Edward. I know. But I think the fact that you willingly went to counseling and that you want your life back proves that you can do it. You will do it."

I sat up and wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "I'm going to do it. I'm Edward Cullen. I can do anything!"

Bella smiled and kissed me. "I'm so proud of you. I'll be with you every step of the way. We're in this together."

Bella's support had been so vital to my recovery. I knew I would need her for what I had in mind next. Bella and I were having dinner with the gang Saturday night. That wasn't a big deal for me because the restaurant was somewhere I felt comfortable. I told Bella about my idea during breakfast Saturday morning.

"I want to go to the bookstore before dinner," I said. There was a huge bookstore near our house, and Bella and I had gone there often before my stroke. We would spend hours in there, just losing ourselves in the stacks of books. It was one of my favorite places.

Bella looked at me in surprise. "Edward, are you sure? The bookstore's a pretty big place."

I nodded. "I know, but it's pretty quiet there. I'd rather start out there than somewhere crazy. I feel like I can do this."

"If you think you can handle it, I'm in," Bella replied. "Besides, I haven't been to the bookstore in months."

Now it was my turn to be surprised. "You never went without me? Why?"

"It just didn't seem right without you," she shrugged. "It's our place. I want to be there with you, and I know you'll do great."

We left for the bookstore late that afternoon. I gave myself a little pep talk inside my head. I wanted this so badly, and I wanted to do it on my own without medication.

"Are you ready?" Bella asked me as she parked the car.

"I am. I really am," I replied, practically bouncing. Bella just laughed at me.

We entered the store, and surprisingly I felt a sense of calm. I figured it was because I was at one of my favorite places. Bella looked at me nervously, but her expression became relaxed when I smiled at her. We made our way to the fiction section.

"How are you doing?" Bella asked me.

"Good. This feels normal," I told her.

Bella squeezed my hand as we continued walking. We looked through some books together, but I eventually wandered off on my own. Now that I had my glasses, I could enjoy reading again. The bookstore was busy, but it wasn't loud or crazy like some other stores. I was really enjoying the outing. I had chosen a few books and made my way over to the magazines when Bella rejoined me.

"Hi, handsome. Come here often?" she teased.

"Only when I'm with my fiancée," I joked back. "She's pretty hot, and I'm afraid she'll be jealous if she sees me talking to you."

Bella playfully swatted my arm, and we both laughed. "Are you ready to go?" she asked. "It's almost time to head to the restaurant."

"Yeah," I replied. "This has been a pretty good afternoon."

Bella smiled and put her arm around me. "You don't know how good it makes me feel to see you so happy. You're going to do this, Edward. You're going to move past this."

I had to smile as well. Bella's confidence in me made me feel as if I could do anything.

We had a wonderful time at dinner. We all laughed and talked for what seemed like hours. The gang was proud of me for making it through my bookstore outing. Some people might have found the way my family treated me to be condescending, but I never did. They were truly proud of me and only wanted to see me get better. Their praise and encouragement meant the world to me.

Tuesday came, and it was time for piano lessons with Bitt. I decided we needed to have a talk before we started.

"Is everything OK?" she asked nervously when I told her I wanted to talk.

"Oh yeah, everything's fine," I assured her. "You do know that I've started counseling?" Bitt nodded, and I continued. "Well, one of the things we discussed was the fact that I'm pushing myself too hard. I hope you don't mind if we cut our lessons back to once a week."

Bitt rolled her eyes and laughed. "Like I would mind. We can do whatever you want. I've learned my lesson. I'm not gonna push you to do something you're not ready to do."

"Thanks, kiddo," I told her, giving her a hug. "Now teach me how to play!"

My lesson went quite well, most likely because I had stopped stressing over the piano. Bitt and I actually had fun. We laughed and teased each other the whole time. Even after we were finished, I found myself humming.

"What song is that?" Bitt asked, referring to the melody I was humming. "I'm not familiar with it."

I stopped and thought about it for a minute. "I don't know. It just popped into my head."

Bitt quickly sat down at the piano. "Can you hum it again?"

I did, and Bitt began playing along. "Oh my gosh, Edward, this is beautiful!" she squealed. She then pulled her phone out of her pocket and went to the voice recorder. "Let's do it again!"

We did as Bitt recorded our performance this time. She was beyond excited.

"Remember how you wanted to write a song for the wedding? This is it! This is the song! I'm gonna listen to it when I get home and write it down."

"Do you really think Bella would like it?" I asked nervously.

Bitt rolled her eyes at me again. "Like it? She'll love it! See, Edward, you can still write music! It may be a different experience than what you're used to, but you can still do it."

I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I couldn't believe I was still capable of writing music. My eyes filled with tears, and Bitt became concerned.

"What's wrong, Edward?" she asked, putting her arm around me.

"I-I, nothing," I stuttered. "I just never thought I'd be able to write music again. I'm just wondering if I'll be able to play it at the wedding."

"I'll do it if you can't," Bitt said. "I mean, we'll practice it and all, but I'll be your backup if you need it."

"How did I get lucky enough to have such an awesome baby sister?" I wondered aloud as I hugged Bitt. "Thank you for everything."

"You are more than welcome," she replied, hugging me back. "By the way, you're pretty awesome too."

Needless to say, I was in a good mood when I went to my counseling appointment the next day. James noticed immediately.

"You look pretty happy today," James commented. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

I told James all about my successful bookstore visit, and I could hardly contain myself when I talked about my piano lesson and how I had started to write the song for Bella. James was very pleased.

"I knew you could do it," James said. "Small steps. That's all it takes."

James and I talked for the rest of our session about some things that were on my mind. I was still feeling pretty good when we were finished.

Jasper had once again taken the afternoon off to bring me to my counseling session, and we decided to go for coffee when I was done. The coffee shop was one I went to often with Bella and the gang. I felt comfortable there.

Today, however, the shop was unusually busy. There was a line of customers at the counter, and many of the tables were occupied. I could feel my chest tighten and my breathing pick up. I was barely aware of Jasper calling my name as I quickly shuffled outside.

Once outside I plopped in the first chair I saw and closed my eyes. I focused on my breathing as I tried to calm myself. It worked. After a couple of minutes, I could feel my heart rate and breathing return to normal. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw Jasper sitting next to me, looking extremely concerned.

"Edward, are you OK?" he asked me. "What happened inside?"

"I got nervous," I replied. "I could feel a panic attack coming on, and I knew I had to get out of there. I thought if I focused on calming myself I could, and it worked. I feel a whole lot better. I did it. I stopped it before it could happen."

Jasper gave me a big smile. "That's amazing! You were able to control it."

"I can't believe it," I said. "It worked. It feels great to be in control of something for a change."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Actually, I thought we could stay," I told him.

"Are you sure?" Jasper wanted to know. "We don't have to."

"No, I really want to," I insisted. "I'd be more comfortable outside, but I want to stay."

Jasper seemed hesitant, but he went along with me. He went back inside to get our coffee, and we ended up having a pretty good afternoon.

Overcoming my panic attacks was one thing. Dealing with my mother and Bella was something else. My birthday was quickly approaching, and Bella and Esme wanted to give me a big party. That idea didn't thrill me, especially with the wedding only a month away, so we came up with a compromise. I agreed to a party as long as it was just family.

My 27th birthday finally arrived, and I found myself the center of attention at my parents' house. Thankfully Bella and Esme went along with my wishes and kept everything low key. My dad was barbecuing hamburgers and hot dogs, and Bella had made a chocolate cake topped with chocolate-covered strawberries. I was actually relaxed and having fun.

After dinner and cake, it was time for presents. I received some wonderful gifts from my family and dear friends: clothes, CDs, and gift cards. Emmett was bouncing like a little kid when I was finished, and I knew he had something up his sleeve.

"You still have mine and Rose's to open!" he announced before running out of the room. He came back about a minute later carrying a small yellow dog with a red bow around its neck. "Happy Birthday!"

Emmett placed the dog in my arms, and it began to lick my face. I was instantly smitten.

"He's a six month old lab mix," Rosalie explained. "We found him at a rescue organization in Forks. He's neutered, had all his shots, and is housebroken. Em and I thought a dog might help you stay active."

"Are you OK with this?" I asked Bella as the dog continued to give me puppy kisses.

Bella laughed. "I've been in on the whole thing. It took a little convincing, but I do agree with Rose about the staying active part."

"His name is Aro," Rose went on, "but I'm sure you could change it if you wanted."

"Aro. I like it," I said. "Besides, I'm sure he's used to it."

"He really seems to like you," Carlisle remarked.

"The feeling is mutual," I replied, hugging Aro close to me.

When Bella and I got home, we set up all of Aro's stuff. After Emmett had brought him out, my family revealed that they had more gifts: all of the puppy essentials we needed. Aro was currently sleeping in the Little Prince dog bed Alice had bought for him.

I was undressing and getting ready to put on my pajamas when Bella stopped me. "Put this on," she said, tossing something to me.

"A hospital gown? What's this for?" I was totally confused.

"I still have one more birthday present to give you," Bella replied coyly before disappearing into the bathroom.

I had no idea what was going on, but I decided to just play along. I put on the gown, sat on the bed, and waited for Bella.

She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, and I couldn't believe my eyes. My sweet Bella was dressed in a sexy nurse outfit. She was even wearing thigh high stockings with red stilettos and had a stethoscope around her neck. Little Edward was standing at attention.

"Uh, B-bella, wh-what's going on?" I stuttered.

Bella actually sashayed across the room. I had no idea how my clumsy fiancée pulled that off in stilettos. She then sat next to me on the bed. "I heard you had a little problem. I'm here to take care of it."

I was absolutely speechless. Bella had never done anything like this before. I liked it, though.

Bella reached behind me, untied my gown, and pulled it down to expose my chest. She put the stethoscope on and listened to my chest. "Oh my, Dr. Cullen. Your heart is racing. I wonder why that is."

I couldn't even answer her. She was so damn sexy that I just wanted to rip her clothes off right then. As difficult as it was, I behaved and let Bella play her little game.

My breathing became heavy as Bella continued her examination. She slowly pulled off my hospital gown and saw Little Edward eagerly waiting for her.

"It seems I've found the problem," Bella said as she began to stroke me.

My eyes rolled back in my head as Bella continued to pump me. "Oh god, Bella, faster," I moaned.

Bella's small hands continued to pump me and began to move faster. I knew I wouldn't last much longer. Sure enough, I came a short time later. My entire body trembled with satisfaction.

When I finally came down from my high, I noticed Bella had unbuttoned her nurse's outfit. I sat up and pushed it off her shoulders and was pleasantly surprised to see that she wasn't wearing anything underneath. I quickly flipped her on her back and began attacking her beautiful body with my mouth. I reveled in the feeling of her soft milky skin against my tongue. I worked my way down her body, starting with her neck and slowly moving down. My Bella was so beautiful that I didn't want to miss a thing.

"Edward," she panted, "tonight is supposed to be about you."

"Giving you pleasure makes me happy," I replied as I rolled her stockings down her legs. "Trust me, I'm enjoying this."

I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to be inside of her. I needed her like I needed air. I leaned over to kiss Bella as I entered her. She gasped and dug her fingernails into my ass as she tried to pull me closer. Bella arched her back, and her breasts pushed against my chest. I felt like Bella's they were being ignored, so I lavished them with my mouth. Bella's moans only made me go faster.

I came first, groaning as I reached my climax. Bella came shortly afterwards. I collapsed on top of her, physically exhausted, but I wasn't ready to pull out of her just yet. I loved feeling the connection between us. I never wanted to let go.

"That was the best birthday present ever," I said, kissing Bella sweetly on the lips. "Thank you so much."

"You're more than welcome," Bella replied as I finally rolled over on my side.

Our moment was interrupted by Aro barking from across the room. Apparently our lovemaking had awakened the little guy. Bella and I laughed.

"Guess we have to make sure the dog is out of the room next time we have sex," I chuckled.

I fell into a deep sleep not long after. I had only pleasant dreams that night, dreams of a long and happy life with Bella. I had a feeling it was my mind's way of telling me that everything was going to be just fine.


	14. Chapter 14 Dare You to Move

**Well hello there! I bet you thought I disappeared! I couldn't do that to y'all! As I've said before, this story is my baby and I will see it through to the end. I would have never seen this chapter through if it hadn't been for my dear beta Bittenev. She makes me a better writer with her awesome feedback and is a wonderful friend to me. My BFFs Rach and MB are so freaking amazing and I love them more than my snuggie.**

**The song for this chapter is "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot. The link is on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a picture of Sean Payton holding the Lombardi Trophy. GEAUX SAINTS!**

**Chapter 14—Dare You to Move**

EPOV

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling slightly out of sorts. It was exactly one week until the wedding. There was so much to be done, and I hoped I wasn't getting sick.

Tonight I had plans to go out with the guys. Since I wasn't up for a traditional bachelor party, we were going to Hooters to hang out and watch sports. I would have preferred to watch TV at home and order pizza, but Emmett wouldn't hear of it.

Thankfully Bella had convinced the girls she didn't want a bachelorette party. Instead they were going out to dinner and having a slumber party at Rosalie's. Emmett and Jasper were spending the night with me.

As I tried to sit up, Aro jumped on the bed and licked my face. It made me laugh despite the fact I was feeling so poorly. Everyone was right about Aro helping me to stay active. I took him on walks twice a day. That was a funny sight, a guy with a walker trying to walk his dog. We made it work, though. He loved to curl up next to me during my afternoon naps. Bella wasn't crazy about having a dog on the furniture, but she eventually accepted it. She loved Aro as much as I did, so she put up with it.

"Hey, Aro, my buddy," I said as I scratched his head. "Daddy isn't feeling so hot today."

"What's wrong, Edward?" I looked up to see Bella coming into the bedroom.

"I don't know," I told her. "I'm just feeling off. I don't have a headache or anything, but I don't feel right."

"Do you want me to call your dad?" Bella asked me, but I shook my head. "OK," she said. "I'll call Emmett to take Aro for his walk while you rest."

I lay down again, and Aro snuggled up next to me. I must have dozed off because Emmett's booming voice jolted me awake.

"Come on, Aro," he said, holding Aro's leash. "Let's go for a walk!"

Aro responded by barking at Emmett and putting his head on my chest.

"Let's go for a walk!" Emmett repeated, but Aro only barked again. "What's wrong with him, Ed?"

"I don't know," I replied. Aro was rather friendly, and he loved Emmett. Normally the sight of my brother with the leash in his hand would have gotten Aro excited. Today, though, he wouldn't leave my side. "Aro, don't you want to go for a walk with Uncle Em?"

Aro whimpered and snuggled even closer to me. Emmett literally had to pick him up off the bed and drag him out. I hoped Aro was just in a clingy mood and wasn't getting sick. I worried about my little guy as I drifted off to sleep again.

When I awoke about an hour and a half later, Aro was back in bed with me. I still wasn't feeling right, but I decided to get up and eat something. Aro was right on my heels. Even when I ate the sandwich Bella made me, he lay at my feet.

"I don't know what's gotten into him today," Bella commented. "Emmett said he cried during their walk, and when they got back he ran straight back to bed."

"Maybe he overheard us talking about our plans for tonight and doesn't want to be left home alone," I said with a laugh.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's it. The dog wants to go to your bachelor party."

"It's not a bachelor party," I corrected her. "Personally, I'd rather just stay home with you and Aro. I really don't feel like going out, but I guess it won't be so bad."

"Do you feel any better?" Bella asked me.

I shook my head. "It's a weird feeling. I don't know how to explain it. Nothing hurts, but I feel off."

"Maybe you should call your dad or Dr. Snow," Bella said worriedly. "This doesn't sound right."

"I'll be fine," I assured her. "I'm going to rest all day, and I won't let the guys keep me out too late. Besides, my dad is going to be with us tonight. Don't worry so much."

Bella sighed. "I can't help it. I worry. I can't lose you, Edward. I get so scared sometimes."

I scooted my chair closer to Bella and kissed her passionately. "I'm not going anywhere, love. I've had too many near misses. I don't think the afterlife is ready for me yet."

"I sure hope not because I'm not ready to let you go," Bella said with a laugh. "You have to stick around so we can grow old together."

I kissed Bella again. "That's the plan. I want that more than anything in the world."

I spent the remainder of the afternoon resting. I chilled out in my recliner and watched baseball. Aro actually climbed up in my lap. I still had no clue why he was being so clingy. Emmett had offered to walk him before we went out, but I was afraid Aro wouldn't go.

About five o'clock, Bella helped me take a shower. Emmett and Jasper showed up shortly afterwards since Bella was going to Rosalie's to get ready.

"Have a great time tonight," Bella said as she kissed me goodbye. "Be good and stay out of trouble," she added, looking straight at Emmett.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Emmett asked defensively.

Bella tried not to laugh. "Emmett, trouble is your middle name!"

"I'm hurt, Bella," Emmett said, feigning sadness. "I thought you loved me."

"I do, but I love you even more when you're behaving," Bella assured him.

"Jasper will take good care of me," I promised as Emmett huffed in mock anger. "You go and have fun."

Bella finally left, and the guys and I sat around and watched TV. My dad and Charlie were going to meet us at Hooters for 7:30. Shortly before it was time to leave, though, I began to feel worse.

"Guys, I don't feel well," I told Emmett and Jasper as I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes.

Before either Emmett or Jasper could respond, I felt my body stiffen. Aro began barking wildly, and he was the last thing I heard as I slipped into unconsciousness.

EmmettPOV

Everything happened so fast. One minute we were watching TV and the next Edward had said he didn't feel well. Then Aro went nuts, barking like crazy.

"Aro, stop!" I commanded. He just jumped on the chair next to Edward and barked and whimpered. "What is wrong with this crazy dog?"

"Em, I think Edward's having a seizure," Jasper said as calmly as possible.

Sure enough, I looked at my brother and saw him trembling slightly. I knew he was losing consciousness and that we had to make him safe. "Help me get him on the floor!" I called to Jasper.

We got Edward out of his recliner and onto the floor. Jasper put a throw pillow under his head and I pushed the coffee table out of the way just as Edward began thrashing about. I felt completely helpless as I stood there watching and running my hands through my hair, knowing there was nothing I could do.

Then something interesting happened. Aro went to Edward's side and curled up next to him protectively.

"What is he doing?" I wondered aloud.

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. "I think he was able to sense that Edward was going to have a seizure. I've heard of dogs doing this before, but I can't believe I'm seeing it. He's probably been trying to warn us."

"Unbelievable," I said as Aro lay next to Edward in an attempt to keep him safe. I had witnessed two of Edward's seizures, and they both scared the crap out of me. Strangely enough, though, this time felt a little different. I was still scared, but seeing Aro take care of his master was very reassuring.

Finally the seizure ended, and Jasper and I knelt on either side of Edward. His lips were blue, but I could tell his breathing was returning to normal. I also noticed that he had wet his pants. I knew he'd be upset about that.

"He's going to be OK," Jasper assured me, obviously noticing the panicked look on my face. "Just give him a few minutes."

Jasper was probably right, but his words didn't help. I lived in constant fear that something else would happen to Edward. I couldn't lose my brother. I needed him to continue his recovery.

"This scares the shit out of me," I whispered. "I hate feeling helpless, and I can't even imagine what it's like for Edward to not be in control of his body."

"It scares me too," Jasper admitted.

I looked at Jasper in surprise. He was always so calm and collected. "You get scared?"

Jasper nodded. "I know everyone thinks I'm unflappable, but I'm only human. I may keep it together for all of you, but that doesn't mean I don't get scared."

"Wow, Jasper Whitlock is a real live boy!" I teased.

We both laughed, which broke the tension somewhat, until we heard a sound. Looking down, we saw Edward waking up. His eyes fluttered for a moment before he opened them completely.

"Em? Jazz?" he mumbled. "Am I OK?"

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was still scared shitless, but I hoped the fact that Edward was awake and talking was a good sign.

EPOV

I woke up on the living room floor feeling dazed and disoriented. Emmett and Jasper were on either side of me, and I was pretty sure I had just had a seizure. I asked if I was OK, and I saw Emmett relax a little.

"You're gonna be fine. It's OK. You're fine." I wasn't sure if Emmett was trying to assure me or himself.

I tried to sit up, but it made me feel dizzy. "I feel crappy."

"Just lie down for a few minutes," Jasper said. "I'm going to call Carlisle. I'm sure he and Charlie are going to be wondering where we are."

Jasper got up to make the call, and I realized something. "Em, I wet my pants," I practically whispered.

"Don't worry. We'll get you cleaned up and changed," Emmett said soothingly.

"No," I said angrily through gritted teeth. "It's not that. I can't even control my own damn body. I'm a grown man, and I'm pissing in my pants." Angry tears were coming, and I really didn't care.

"Awwww, dammit, Ed," Emmett said, gently sitting me up and hugging me. "I hate this. I don't like seeing you struggle." I could feel Emmett's tears on my shirt, and I felt terrible for making him cry.

"Is everything OK?" Apparently Jasper had come back into the room, and he sounded worried.

"Why? I'm fucking tired of this," I sobbed as I tried to get my emotions in check. "I don't want to give up, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this."

Jasper grabbed Emmett and me, and we had a brief group hug. Emmett and I wiped our tears when we were finished, and Jasper did the same.

"Sorry," Jasper apologized. "Guess I didn't want to feel left out."

The three of us laughed then. "We make a great trio. We're like a bunch of freaking girls," Emmett chuckled. "Come on, Ed, let's get you changed."

"I'll wait here," Jasper said. "Carlisle is on his way. He wants to examine you."

"Great," I groaned. The guys helped me up, and I was pretty unsteady. I didn't think I'd be able to use my walker, so Jasper and Emmett supported me on either side. They got me to the bathroom, and Jasper left us.

"I feel like a child," I muttered as Emmett helped me get cleaned up.

"You know I don't mind helping you," Emmett replied.

"But I mind," I said bitterly.

I was getting in bed when my dad arrived, carrying his bag. He was calm on the outside, but I knew he was hiding the fact that he was a nervous wreck.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked as he sat on the bed.

"Like shit," I told him honestly.

Carlisle laughed. "I imagine so. Do you want to go to the ER?"

"No. Definitely not," I said.

"I'd feel a lot better if you did."

"But I wouldn't. I'm not going," I insisted. "You can check me out here, but I'm not going to the hospital."

Carlisle sighed because he knew I wouldn't give in. "OK, fine." He pulled out his little flashlight and shined it in my eyes. "Where's Bella?"

"Crap, we forgot to call her!" Emmett exclaimed. "She's gonna kill me!" He pulled out his phone to call Bella.

"Wiggle your fingers," Carlisle instructed as he continued his examination. I wiggled them and my toes, and, satisfied with what he saw, my dad put the blood pressure cuff on my arm. "Your pressure is rather high."

"What do you expect? I've had a rough evening." I didn't even bother to hide my sarcasm.

"Bella and the girls are on their way," Emmett informed us. "Yeah, she's pissed I didn't call her sooner."

"Edward, I want to give you something to calm you," Carlisle said. "I don't like your blood pressure being so high."

"No. Absolutely not. I'm not taking anything." Carlisle knew I was trying to work through my anxiety issues without medication, and I was upset he would even suggest it. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "You are not going to sedate me. I just want to go to sleep on my own. Please, Dad, let me handle this."

Carlisle realized he had lost this battle. "As long as you promise to get some sleep. I know you think I worry too much, but I'm your father."

We were interrupted by Jasper sticking his head in the room. "Edward, are you up for some company? Someone really wants to see you." He opened the door wider, and Aro came running into the room and jumped on the bed.

"Aro needs a Superman costume," Emmett said. "He was a hero today."

"Hero? What did he do?" Carlisle had no idea what Emmett was talking about.

Jasper answered him. "Apparently Aro sensed that Edward was going to have a seizure. He's been clingy and barking like crazy. Then during the actual seizure he laid next to Edward to protect him."

I looked at the sweet little dog sprawled across my lap. "Is that what you were trying to do all day? Did you know this was going to happen?" Aro responded by yawning and stretching.

"That's amazing," Carlisle said, completely surprised. "I've heard of dogs who could sense seizures, but I've never actually seen it before." He reached out to rub Aro's belly. "Uncle Emmett is right. You are a hero."

I looked up and smiled at my brother. "Looks like you've come through again, Emmett."

Poor Emmett's glory was short lived, though. We heard the front door slam as Rosalie yelled, "Emmett McCarty Cullen, where the hell are you?"

"Oh shit," Emmett said. "I guess Bella isn't the only one mad at me for not calling sooner."

Bella ran into the bedroom and hugged me before stepping back to look at me. "Oh thank God you're OK! You are OK, aren't you?"

I chuckled. "Yes, love, I'm fine. And go easy on Emmett. He and Jasper were busy taking care of me, which is why he didn't call you sooner."

"All right, everyone out," Carlisle ordered, shooing my family out of the room. "Edward needs to rest. I'll call later to check on you."

"Thanks, Dad," I said as everyone left. Bella climbed into bed next to me, and Aro curled up at our feet.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," Bella apologized.

"Don't be," I replied as I rested my head on her shoulder. I told her what I remembered about the seizure, which wasn't much, and how Aro tried to alert everyone and protect me.

"Who knew having a dog would work out so well," Bella mused as she massaged my scalp.

"Mmm hmmm," I said sleepily. I always felt incredibly relaxed when Bella gave me a scalp massage.

Bella laughed. "Get some sleep. I love you."

"Love you too," I said as sleep finally overtook me.

Thankfully, Sunday was a much better day. I stayed in bed until early afternoon, which felt wonderful. Jasper and Alice stopped by for a short visit, and Bella and I took a leisurely walk with Aro.

I did call Dr. Snow on Monday. He didn't need to see me in his office, but he did say he was going to adjust my anti-convulsants again. I wasn't crazy about having my meds messed with, but the doctor in me told me it was better than having a seizure on my wedding day. He also told me that he now wanted me to wear a medic alert bracelet in case of an emergency. It bothered me to be labeled as an epileptic, but as a doctor I preferred to be safe instead of sorry. Now I finally understood what my patients went through when they had to deal with these sorts of things.

Thursday, the day of our wedding rehearsal, finally arrived. Bella was a nervous wreck trying to get everything done, but I was pretty calm since I was in my normal routine. I went to therapy like I usually did and took my nap afterwards. Emmett came over to help me get ready so that Bella could take some time for herself, and he and Rose drove us to my parents' house for the rehearsal.

My parents' house hadn't been set up yet for the wedding, but we knew exactly where everything would take place. Bella and the girls would walk down the stairs and down an aisle into the den, and the ceremony would take place in front of the fireplace. Bitt was a bridesmaid, but she insisted on playing the music for the ceremony. She and I had been practicing the song I had written for Bella, who had no idea what I was up to, and I was fairly confident I could pull it off.

Reverend Weber, Angela's father, was going to be our officiant, and he ran through the ceremony with us. Bella and I had written our own vows, but we were saving them for our wedding day. Reverend Weber also knew about my song for Bella, and he agreed to keep the secret until it was time for it in the ceremony.

Our rehearsal dinner was at our favorite Italian restaurant. My parents had reserved a private room there so we wouldn't disturb anyone. We had a great time, laughing, talking, and reminiscing. Several times throughout the evening I felt the need to kiss Bella, squeeze her hand, or put my arm around her. It was as if I was reassuring myself that this was really happening.

After dinner Alice stood up as if she was going to make an announcement. "Bella, Edward, I have a present for you," she said, leaning over to hand Bella a large gift bag.

Bella reached into the bag and pulled out a large leather-bound album. We both gasped in surprise as Bella opened it. It was a scrapbook of pictures of Bella and me.

"Alice, this is incredible," Bella managed to say as she was overcome with emotion.

Everyone gathered around as we flipped through the scrapbook. It started out with pictures of Bella and me as kids and went through our high school and college years. There were also some more recent photos. Our engagement party, the night our lives changed forever. The two of us in my hospital bed just a few weeks after my stroke. Bella and I hugging Aro at my birthday party.

"You can take out the ones you don't like," Alice said a bit nervously. "It's OK."

"Absolutely not," I told her honestly. "This is beautiful, Alice. You've captured us perfectly. Thank you so much."

Alice breathed a sigh of relief, and Bella and I grabbed her for a group hug.

A couple of hours later, Bella and I were home getting ready for bed. It would be our last night together before the wedding. I would be sleeping at my parents' house tomorrow night while Bella stayed with Renee and Charlie.

"I still can't believe she did this," Bella marveled as we sat in bed looking through Alice's scrapbook.

Eventually we got to the photo of us taken in the hospital. My head had been resting on Bella's shoulder and she had her arm around me. "You know, I really like this one," I said.

"Seriously? You do?" Bella was surprised.

I nodded. "Look at us. Look how content we were. Despite everything, we were just happy to be together. That's one thing that never has and never will change."

Bella pondered that for a moment. "You're right," she finally said. "Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. Nothing."

We finished looking through the scrapbook and then turned off the lights. As I drifted off to sleep with Bella in my arms, I thought about how lucky I was. Six months ago I had nearly died. Now in less than 48 hours I would be marrying the love of my life. Yeah. I was one lucky guy.

**OK gang, only one more chapter and an epilogue left! Who's ready for a wedding?**


	15. Chapter 15 In Her Eyes

**Yes, I am still alive! I know I'm a very cruel person for making you wait so long, but I hope this chapter is worth it. Who doesn't love a wedding? Thank you so very much to my amazing beta Bittenev. Not only does she make me look like a great writer, but she also makes me smile all the time. Love you, Bitt! I also love my little sisters pwtf and eclipsegirl as well as the whole Brainward posse! Y'all totally rock!**

**May is Stroke Awareness Month. I have a link on my profile for the warning signs of a stroke. Some stroke complications and deaths can be prevented with prompt medical attention. Don't ignore the warning signs!**

**The song for this chapter is "In Her Eyes" by Josh Groban.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I only own a bunch of crazy story ideas.**

**Chapter 15—In Her Eyes**

EPOV

The wedding had gone off without a hitch, and Bella was officially my wife. The day had been perfect until I felt the ground shake. Was an earthquake really going to ruin my wedding day?

"Edward! Wake up!"

Uh oh. Had I been injured in the earthquake? Had I lost consciousness?

"Edward, come on! Wake up!"

A familiar voice was calling me. What had happened? Where was Bella?

"EDWARD!"

I opened my eyes and saw Elizabeth sitting at the end of my bed, bouncing up and down. There was no earthquake, only my very annoying little sister trying to wake me. Aro, who had been sleeping next to me, gave her a dirty look before rolling over and going back to sleep.

"Good, you're up," Elizabeth said as she stopped bouncing.

I grabbed the pillow from underneath my head and threw it at my sister, hitting her right in the face.

"That's not very nice," she retorted, tossing the pillow back to me.

"It's also not very nice to wake me on my wedding day," I replied. "I need to sleep. I won't get a nap today."

"I'm sorry, but I'm so excited! You and Bella are finally getting married!" Elizabeth sighed happily. "And Aro is in the wedding! Aren't you excited, little buddy?" she exclaimed as she began kissing my poor dog.

After Aro's heroics during my seizure, Alice decided he had to be in the wedding. She actually found a dog tuxedo for him and got a ring bearer's pillow that he could carry in his mouth. I thought it was crazy at first, but the idea began to grow on me.

"Elizabeth Anne, didn't I tell you to leave your brother alone?" We both looked up to see our mother enter the room.

"Sorry, Mom," Bitt apologized sheepishly.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Esme asked me as she sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm good. I slept pretty well. I'm just ready for this to happen," I said.

Esme smiled and took my hand. "You don't know how happy this makes me. You and Bella deserve this. You deserve so much happiness."

"Thanks, Mom," I replied, squeezing her hand. "I never thought this day would get here. I never thought I'd recover enough to even get married."

"But you did! You're better and you're getting married!" Elizabeth was still bouncing.

Esme stood up. "OK, let's leave your brother alone so he can get some more rest. Do you want something to eat, Edward? Anything you want."

"Wakey wakey, shine and shakey!" We all looked up to see Emmett running into my room. He stopped short when he saw Mom and Bitt already there. "Uh, good morning, everybody!"

Esme just rolled her eyes. "You are worse than your sister. Leave Edward alone." She looked over at me. "I'll bring your breakfast up when it's ready and then Emmett can help you shower. Come on, you two." Esme grabbed Emmett and Elizabeth by the hands and dragged them out of the room.

I dozed off for a while longer and felt great when my mom woke me up to eat. I rested a little more after I ate, and Emmett finally helped me into the shower. He stayed close by just in case I needed help and busied himself with a magazine.

Jasper had arrived at the house by the time I was finished in the shower, so he, Emmett, and I watched TV. Emmett wanted to play video games, but I didn't want to get too worked up. Esme and Elizabeth had gone to get their hair done, so poor Carlisle was left in charge of supervising the wedding setup. Things were shaping up, though, and the house looked great.

Mom and Bitt arrived home a couple of hours later and had been joined by Rosalie. "You," Rose said, pointing at me. "You need to make yourself scarce. Bella is on her way, and you're not allowed to see the bride before the wedding."

"We've lived together for over a year. What's the big deal?" I honestly didn't see what the fuss was about.

Rosalie was getting exasperated. "This is different. This is your wedding day. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"Rose, I think I've had enough bad luck to last me a lifetime. What could possibly go wrong?"

It was Emmett's turn to speak up. "Dude, don't even go there! I'm not dealing with some crazy medical emergency just because you decided to see Bella before the wedding."

"Oh all right," I sighed. "You've all lost your minds, but I'll go along with it. Where am I supposed to go? I'm not going back to my room because it's too hard to go up and down the stairs."

"We can hang out in my study since that's where you're getting dressed," Carlisle said. "We should start getting ready anyway. The photographer will be here soon."

A short time later, Carlisle and I were in his study as he tied my tie. I had never been very good with ties anyway, and there was absolutely no way I could tie it today. I wasn't too nervous, but I knew my hands weren't going to cooperate.

"There you go. You look great," Carlisle said, patting me on the shoulder. "You must get that from your dad."

I laughed. "Just don't tell Mom."

"It'll be our secret," Carlisle chuckled. "Seriously, though, I am so proud of you, Edward. Bella is great, and I know you'll have a long, happy marriage. I have to admit that I was scared this day would never come."

"Me too," I said. "This is a big day considering I almost died and then I wanted to die. Now I can't imagine life being any better. I know I still have a long way to go, but I'll have my wife by my side." I smiled. "My wife. I like the way that sounds. I'm still amazed that Bella wanted to stay with me after everything I went through and the way I acted afterwards."

"Bella loves you. She'd never leave you," Carlisle assured me. "I remember the day of your second surgery. Bella was dead on her feet. We all tried to get her to go home and rest, but she refused to leave you. The only way I could get her to go is to threaten to admit her. I would have too if she hadn't gone home. You two have been together forever and I know that you love each other very much, but not everyone would be able to handle your stroke and your recovery. Bella did, and she's not going anywhere."

I got teary eyed and hugged my dad, but the moment didn't last long because my sister came flying into the room with Aro on her heels. He actually looked cute in his doggie tuxedo. "Guess who I just saw?" she called out.

"Damn, Bitt, you have impeccable timing," I teased, wiping my eyes.

"Oh, did I interrupt something? I'm sorry," she apologized.

"I was just telling your brother how proud I am of him and how happy he's going to be," Carlisle explained. "So who did you just see?"

It was only then that I noticed Bitt was dressed for the wedding. She looked so grown up in her bridesmaid dress with her hair and makeup done. "I was just upstairs with the girls, and Bella looks beautiful. Oh Edward, I can't wait until you see her!"

"I can't wait to see her," I admitted. "I know she's a beautiful bride because she's beautiful anyway."

"Bella is beautiful, and you are incredibly handsome." We looked up to see Esme coming into the study. "Oh Edward, you don't know how happy this makes me." My mother was already dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

"Awwww Mom, don't cry," I said as I hugged her. "Save some tears for the wedding."

"I can't help it. I never thought I'd see this day," Esme said. "I am so very proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," I replied. "I hope I can continue to make you proud."

"You will. You're going to recover completely, and you and Bella are going to give me beautiful grandbabies," Esme told me.

Carlisle laughed and joined in our hug. "Now Esme darling, don't rush things."

"I don't know when I'll be ready to be a father," I admitted. "I want children so much, but I know that I'm not physically ready. You'll get your grandbabies someday, though. I know that both of you are going to be wonderful grandparents."

"Who told you about the baby?" We all turned to see Emmett standing in the doorway. "How did you find out? We didn't tell anyone yet."

"Baby? You and Rose are having a baby?" Esme was practically squealing with delight.

"Wait, you didn't know about the baby? You weren't talking about Rose?" Poor Emmett was confused.

"Mom was just talking about Bella and me giving her grandbabies," I explained. "We didn't know anything about Rose. So it's true? Rose is pregnant?"

Emmett smiled wider than I had ever seen him smile before. "I'm going to be a daddy!"

The five of us hugged each other excitedly. It truly was a great day. I was getting married, and Emmett and Rose were having a baby. Esme was so happy that she started to cry again.

"I've got one son getting married and another who's going to be a father," Esme said, putting an arm around me and one around Emmett. "I am so proud to have such wonderful sons."

"Hey, what about me? I'm wonderful!" Bitt was apparently feeling left out.

"You are wonderful," Carlisle agreed as he hugged Bitt. "You're always making your mom and me proud. We're truly blessed to have an amazing family and that it continues to grow."

Things were starting to get a little sappy, but Carlisle was right. Our family was amazing, and I knew our future would be as well.

BPOV

I woke up to sunshine streaming through the window of my childhood bedroom and smiled. My wedding day was going to be a beautiful one. I had dreamed of it for years, and it was finally here. Of course it could have been pouring down raining and it would still be a beautiful day. I was marrying Edward. How could this day not be beautiful?

I got out of bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen. It was a little weird being in my parents' house again, but Edward and I wanted to do something traditional. Besides, I didn't think we'd be able to keep our hands to ourselves if we had been together at home this morning.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Renee said as she rushed over to hug me. "Are you nervous?"

"A little," I replied honestly as I hugged my mom back and then broke away to pour myself a cup of coffee. "I'm not nervous about getting married. I'm ready for that. I'm just nervous about the ceremony. I don't want anything to go wrong."

"Everything will be perfect," Renee said reassuringly.

"I sure hope so. I'm sure it will be because I'm going to marry the man of my dreams." I sighed happily.

Charlie looked up and smiled at me as I sat down at the kitchen table. "Edward is a great man. You know how much your mother and I love him. I know he'll be good to you. If not, he'll have to answer to me and my gun."

"Dad!" I scolded jokingly.

"I'm kidding, honey," Charlie laughed. "Edward's been through a lot. He'll definitely be able to handle you." My father was laughing again.

Renee was laughing too. "Charlie, be nice to your daughter. It's her wedding day."

"All right, all right," Charlie said, throwing his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "Seriously, Bells, I'm so happy for you and Edward. I know he's going to take good care of my little girl. I think you two are the strongest people I've ever known."

"Me strong? "I asked, surprised. "I don't know about that."

"You are, Bells," Charlie replied seriously. "You've taken care of Edward all along and never once complained. That takes strength. Not everyone would or could do what you've done."

"I love him, Dad," I said. "I can't imagine not being there for him."

"My baby's getting married!" Renee suddenly squealed.

"Uh Mom, you're just realizing this?" I had to laugh at her.

"I'm just so excited for you! This is going to be an amazing day," Renee said happily. "I hope Edward will make you as happy as your father has made me."

My parents looked at each other lovingly, and I knew that Edward and I would be that happy. Our parents had given us wonderful examples of how marriages worked. We were very lucky.

A couple of hours later, my mom and I were at the salon getting our hair done. Esme and Elizabeth were already there, and Rose and Alice were on their way. We laughed as Esme told us the story of how Elizabeth had gone into Edward's room that morning and awakened him.

"Let me guess. He threw a pillow at you," I said.

"Yes! That was mean!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"It wasn't very nice of you to wake him up like that," Esme corrected her. "You know Edward needs to rest."

"But Mom, this is an important day! He needed to get up," Elizabeth insisted dramatically.

"And I need a well-rested groom," I joked.

"Bella!" Elizabeth squealed.

Esme laughed. "Oh sweetie, you'll understand it when you're older. If your father has it his way, you'll understand it when you're _much_ older."

Alice and Rosalie arrived a short time later, and there was more hugging and squealing. When we first began the wedding planning Alice had been a little upset that I wouldn't let her plan some grand affair, but she finally gave up the fight and understood that Edward and I wanted our wedding to be a small, intimate affair. One of the things Alice _had_ fought me on was my hair. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to wear a veil. I was wearing a traditional dress, but I didn't think a veil was necessary. All I wanted was flowers in my hair. Alice was convinced I needed to wear one, but thankfully Rose was on my side and told Alice to leave me alone. In the end, both of them had been a great help when it came to planning everything; I knew I couldn't have done it without them.

Soon we were all finished and ready to head to the Cullens'. When we got there, the men were nowhere in sight. Esme explained that Emmett and Jasper were upstairs getting ready and Edward and Carlisle were in the study. I didn't understand why I couldn't see Edward before the wedding, but our family insisted it would be bad luck.

"Edward and I have had enough bad luck. Why can't I just see him? We've been living together, so it really shouldn't matter."

"Nope. You can't see him. I want his first glimpse of you today to be of you in your dress." Rose made a good point, so I begrudgingly went along.

Soon Elizabeth's bedroom was a flurry of activity. Rose applied my makeup while everyone else was getting ready. Once Esme and Elizabeth were dressed, they went downstairs to check on the men. As soon as they left the room Alice spun around and faced Rose.

"Rosalie Hale Cullen, there's something you're not telling us," Alice said, sensing something was up. "Spill it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rose told her. "Why would I be hiding something?"

"You are, and I want to know now," Alice insisted. "Don't make me force it out of you."

"There's nothing to force out of me," Rose said.

Alice wouldn't back down. "There is, and I want to know."

"Well, we were going to wait until after Bella and Edward got back from their honeymoon to tell everyone," Rose replied hesitantly, "but I guess I'll tell you now. I'm pregnant!"

Alice and I both jumped up to hug Rose. "Oh my gosh!" Alice squealed. "That is incredible news!"

"I'm so excited for you," I said. "Why did you want to wait to tell us?"

"We didn't want to take away from your special day," Rose explained.

"That's nonsense, Rose!" I said. "You're not taking anything away. You're only adding to the joy. A wedding and a baby! This just makes everything complete!"

"Please don't say anything yet," Rose begged us. "Emmett and I wanted to wait, and I don't want him to think I couldn't keep the secret." Both of us looked at Alice.

"What? You think I can't keep a secret? Why would I say anything?" Alice seemed to be offended.

"Alice, you are more excitable than anyone else I know," Rose said. "You'll be bouncing up and down so much that you'll look like you have to pee. Someone will ask why you're so excited, and you'll spill it."

"No I won't. I promise." Alice even crossed her heart. "I won't tell a soul. Scout's honor."

"I'm going to believe you, Alice, but if you say one word I'll never trust you with a secret again," Rose warned.

Renee came in a few minutes later to help me with my dress, but no one said a word about Rose and the baby. I got into my dress, and I felt like a princess. Despite having a small wedding, I still wanted a traditional wedding dress. I knew when I tried this dress on that it was the one. My hair had been curled and pinned on top of my head, and Rose adorned my updo with freesias, Edward's favorite flower. It was perfect.

"You are so beautiful," Renee said, tearing up.

"Oh Mom, don't cry. You'll ruin your makeup." The truth was that if my mother started crying, I'd probably cry too.

"I can't help it. You're my daughter, and you're about to get married. I think I'm allowed a few tears." Renee hugged me tightly.

Our moment was interrupted by a knock on the door and Charlie sticking his head in the room. "Is everyone decent? We're about ready to begin. Renee, it's time for you to be seated."

Renee gave me one last squeeze before heading downstairs. Charlie waited in the hallway to give the girls and me one last moment alone.

"This is it. I'm about to get married." I suddenly became very emotional.

"It's going to be wonderful," Rose said, becoming teary. "If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you and Edward."

"I can't believe it. I didn't think I'd ever see this day," I said.

"I know," Rose agreed. "Six months ago we were all sitting at the hospital wondering if Edward was going to live. Now you're finally getting married."

"You look so beautiful," Alice said.

"So do you two," I replied. The bridesmaids were wearing short ballerina-style dresses in navy blue. Edward loved the color blue, and I wanted the bridesmaids to wear it since I couldn't.

"It's showtime. Let's go!" Alice said eagerly. I grabbed my bouquet and met Charlie in the hall.

Charlie's eyes widened when he saw me. "Oh Bells, you look gorgeous," he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I don't know if I want to give you away now."

"Dad!" I scolded playfully.

"Just kidding," he replied. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied confidently.

We made our way to the staircase, and I heard Bitt playing Pachelbel's Canon. That was the cue for Rosalie and Alice to make their way down the stairs and the aisle. Soon the music changed to a familiar song. I quickly realized it was the Josh Groban song "In Her Eyes," a song that reminded me of Edward. I was thrilled he had chosen it. Charlie took me by the arm, and we began our descent down the stairs.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs and started down the aisle, I gasped. Edward was standing there waiting for me, but he was standing unassisted. His walker was nowhere to be seen. He promised me he would walk on our wedding day, but I was still so surprised. He was smiling broadly, and he looked so handsome in his tuxedo. He was still too thin, his hair was shorter than he usually wore it, and he now wore his prism glasses. None of that mattered, though. My Edward was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Charlie and I finally made it to the end of the aisle where Edward and Reverend Weber were waiting. Charlie kissed me before going to sit next to Renee. Edward took my hand, and we turned to face Reverend Weber.

EPOV

"Geez, Edward, calm down!" Emmett fussed. "You're making me nervous!"

"Sorry, Em. I just want this to work out," I apologized.

"It's going to be fine," Emmett assured me. "We've got it all figured out."

I had decided just last week that I didn't want to use my walker for the ceremony. It was safely stored nearby in case I needed it, but I didn't think I would. I was pretty sure I could stand unassisted for a short amount of time. I had promised Bella I would walk on our wedding day and I was going to keep that promise, even if it was just for the ceremony.

Finally it was time for the ceremony to begin. Bitt took her place at the piano and began to play. I smiled proudly as my father escorted my mother to her seat. I could see that she was crying again, but I could also see the love and joy in her eyes. Then Jasper walked Renee down the aisle and seated her. Renee was also crying. I couldn't blame her, though. Her only daughter was getting married and this had to be an emotional day for her.

Bitt began playing Pachelbel's Canon, and that was the signal for the bridal party to proceed down the aisle. Aro came scampering down the aisle first. Everyone laughed as he proudly carried his ring bearer pillow in his mouth and sat at my feet when he reached me. Rosalie was the first bridesmaid, and she was glowing. I wondered if it was the pregnancy. I smiled a bit more, realizing that I was going to be an uncle. It was a great feeling to know that our family was about to grow again. Alice was next, and the little pixie practically danced down the aisle. I hoped she wasn't too upset that Bella and I had a small wedding instead of letting her plan something grand. Alice was truly like a sister to me, and she only wanted the best for her loved ones.

Once Alice made her way down the aisle, I got excited. I had been waiting all day to see my bride, and my wait was about to end. Bitt started playing the song I had chosen for Bella, "In Her Eyes." I thought it was the perfect song for Bella and me after all we had been through during these last six months. Bella and Charlie finally made their way down the stairs, and my bride totally took my breath away. She was absolutely gorgeous. She wasn't overdone at all. She was simply my beautiful Bella. I actually got a little weak in the knees, but thankfully Emmett grabbed my shoulder and held me steady. I noticed the look of surprise on her face when she realized I didn't have my walker, and I could only smile in return.

Bella and Charlie finally made it to the end of the aisle, and Charlie kissed her before taking his seat. I took my Bella by the hand as we turned to face Reverend Weber.

"Where's your walker?" Bella whispered.

"I'm not using it for the ceremony. I told you I was going to walk," I replied. Bella just smiled and squeezed my hand.

Reverend Weber began the ceremony, but he could have been speaking in a foreign language for all I knew. My only focus was Bella. She was so damn beautiful. Sure, we had been living together, but today we were making it official. I could barely contain my happiness. I knew I'd better pay attention, though, because I didn't want to miss the part where I said my vows.

The ceremony continued, and finally Reverend Weber said, "Edward and Bella have written their own vows for each other. Edward?"

This was it. It was time to pour out my heart and soul not only to Bella but also to everyone in attendance. "Bella, I fell in love with you when we were still little kids. Back then I thought you were the cutest girl on the playground." Bella giggled. I smiled and continued. "Over the years my love for you has grown. Just when I thought I couldn't love you any more, something would happen to make my heart swell and my love for you grow. Then I got sick. One of my first thoughts when I woke from my coma was that I wished I had died because you deserved so much better. Now I am so happy that I made it because I wouldn't have had these last six months with you. I wouldn't have the rest of my life with you. Bella, you've shown me what unconditional love is. You didn't care about my medical condition. You loved me for me. You wouldn't let me give up. I'm here because of you." My voice was beginning to crack, and I couldn't stop the tears. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are my reason for living. You are the only woman I will ever love. I want to have children with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to walk with you. I love you with all my heart, today and forever."

Bella squeezed my hand tightly, and I could see the tears in her eyes. Our parents and Rose and Alice were crying as well, and I was sure Bitt was crying even though I couldn't see her. Then I heard a sniffle behind me. That meant only one thing. Emmett was crying too. My big brother was really a sap at heart.

Then it was Bella's turn. "Edward, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I've always known you were the one for me. When you had your stroke, I had to face my worst fear, the fear of losing you. I didn't care if you could walk or talk. I still had my Edward. The man I loved was still here with me. There were so many times when you wanted to give up, but you didn't. You kept on going. Edward, you are the strongest person I have ever known. Watching you fight has only made me love you more. I don't know what I ever did to deserve someone as amazing as you. Couples have always promised to love each other in sickness and in health, and now I know why. I will never take one minute of our time together for granted. I love you so very much, and I am so proud to be your wife."

The tears now flowed freely for both Bella and me, but I had to get myself together. It was time for me to play my song for Bella.

"Edward now has a surprise for Bella that he would like to share," Reverend Weber announced.

Bella was positively confused as I turned toward the piano. I held on to her tightly as we walked the short distance. Well, Bella walked. I basically shuffled and limped, and Aro dutifully followed us. I sat next to Bitt on the piano bench and motioned for Bella to sit in the chair that had been placed next to the piano.

"Bella, I wanted to write a special song for our wedding since the day I decided to marry you," I explained. "Then I was unable to play the piano after my stroke. I just knew that idea was gone. I learned to play again thanks to Elizabeth, but I didn't think I'd be able to write that song. Well, I was wrong. One day after a piano lesson it just came to me. I began to hum a melody in my head, and I knew it was the song for you. Elizabeth helped me write it, and I learned to play it. I hope you like it."

The look on Bella's face was one of shock, awe, and love. I knew she was surprised. Bitt gave me a determined look, and I nodded and began to play. It wasn't perfect, but I didn't care. My love for Bella was poured out in every single note I played. It felt amazing to express myself through my music again.

When the song was finished, Bella stood up and threw her arms around me. "Oh Edward, that was beautiful! I can't believe you did this! I…I just can't believe it. You never stop amazing me."

"I love you so much," I said, standing up and hugging her back.

Everyone clapped as we made our way back to Reverend Weber so he could finish the ceremony. We exchanged rings, and we were finally pronounced husband and wife. I kissed my bride as Reverend Weber announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present for the first time Dr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen."

Bella supported me as we walked up the aisle and saw the happy faces of our family and friends. It was a blessing to have them celebrate our special day with us. We headed to Carlisle's study where we were going to wait for the guests to head outside for the reception and then we would take some photos.

As soon as we were in the study, I put my arms around Bella and kissed her passionately. "I love you, Mrs. Cullen," I said between kisses.

"I love you too, husband," Bella breathed.

"Damn, you couldn't wait for the honeymoon!" We looked up to see Emmett entering the room. "I thought you might need this," he said, bringing me my walker.

"Thanks, Em. You could have waited a few more minutes, though. Bella was doing a pretty good job of holding me up."

Emmett just laughed. "In a few more minutes the two of you would have been on the floor naked."

Bella playfully swatted him. "Now Emmett, do you think we'd do that in your parents' house?"

"When Rose and I were newlyweds we'd pretty much do it anywhere." Emmett smiled, no doubt thinking of his and Rose's sexual escapades.

"Emmett, there are just some things that are better left unsaid!" I exclaimed, wrinkling my nose in disgust. "I do not want to hear the story of how my niece or nephew was conceived."

"How do you know about the baby?" Bella asked, surprised.

"How do you know? Did Rose tell you and Alice?" Now it was Emmett's turn to be surprised.

"She told us. Alice basically forced it out of her," Bella admitted. "I'm sorry, but you know how Alice is."

"Actually, I'm glad everyone knows," Emmett said. "I didn't like keeping it a secret. I want to tell the whole world I'm gonna be a daddy!"

"Keep yelling like that and the whole world will know!" Rosalie had come into the room and was shaking her head at Emmett. "Apparently you can't keep a secret."

"And neither can you," Emmett retorted.

Rosalie looked dumbstruck for a moment and then began to laugh. "Oh, what the hell! We're having a baby!"

Bella and I could only look at my brother and sister-in-law as if they were crazy.

After the photos were taken, Bella and I went outside to the reception and began to mingle with our guests. We had decided on a cocktail reception rather than a sit down dinner so that things would be more relaxed. We had also hired a DJ rather than a band, and soon the DJ was calling Bella and me to the dance floor for our first dance.

My left leg was a little sore and weak by this point, but I wasn't going to let it stop me. I wanted to dance with Bella for real without my walker in the way. I felt like I was dragging myself to the dance floor. The song began, and Bella and I began to sway together.

"This song is beautiful," Bella said as we danced to Josh Groban's "In Her Eyes." "I'm so glad you chose it."

"I thought it was appropriate for the two of us," I told her. I then began to softly sing the words in her ear.

"_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am" _

"You are my hero, Edward," Bella said, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. "I love you so much."

"And you're my angel. I love you more than anything, my Bella," I replied. "Always and forever."

Our reception was wonderful. We had a great time visiting with our family and friends. Emmett and Alice took over the dance floor after a while, which was hysterical. Rosalie happily shared her baby news with everyone, and everyone was thrilled with the upcoming addition to our family. During one of his rare breaks from dancing, Emmett caught Bitt and and her boyfriend Colby having a make out session behind the pool house. My parents thought it was hysterical since there was only kissing going on, but I thought Emmett was going to kill poor Colby.

The evening soon drew to a close and our guests headed for home. Bella and I got ready to leave for our brief honeymoon. We couldn't take a long trip because I wasn't feeling up to it and I had therapy bright and early Monday morning. We were going to spend the weekend in a suite at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel since Bella and I had such a good time the last time we were there. Our car was already at the hotel, and Jasper and Alice were going to drive us there.

"Are you ready for some honeymoon fun, Mrs. Cullen?" I asked Bella as we headed to the car.

"I sure am, and I hope you are too," she replied.

We hugged and kissed our family goodbye before getting into the backseat of the car and driving off to start our new life as husband and wife.


	16. Epilogue Blue Skies

**Well, here it is! My little story is finished! I'll keep the AN here short and save it all for the end.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I only own Brainward and this idea.**

**Epilogue-Blue Skies**

EPOV

I rolled over in bed and reached for Bella, only to realize she wasn't there. I sat up and grabbed my glasses from the nightstand so I could see the clock. It was just after midnight. I had an idea of what she was doing, and I smiled. I got out of bed, grabbed my cane, and headed to the living room. Aro, who had been sleeping in his dog bed at the foot of our bed, got up and followed me.

Bella and I had an early flight in the morning, and I was worried she'd be worn out. Today we had celebrated our first wedding anniversary, and we were finally taking a real honeymoon. We were leaving first thing in the morning for a five day trip to Hawaii.

Just as I thought, Bella was sitting on the sofa looking through our wedding album. She did that quite often when she couldn't sleep. Aro ran up and jumped on the sofa next to her.

"Hey, big guy. I hope you didn't wake Daddy," she told him, scratching his head.

"No, I think Daddy woke him," I said.

Bella turned around. "What are you doing up? You need your sleep. We've got a flight in the morning."

I sat between Bella and Aro on the sofa. "I could say the same for you. Can't sleep?"

"I'm too excited," she replied, nearly bouncing. I laughed because that was so unlike Bella.

"I'm excited too," I admitted. "We finally get a real honeymoon."

"Our first honeymoon wasn't so bad," Bella said. "I'd gladly spend another weekend locked away with you in a hotel suite."

I laughed again. So many things had changed during our first year of marriage, most of them quite good. I looked at the album and saw a photo of my family. My eyes focused on Rosalie and Emmett, and I remebered that our wedding day was also the day we found out about Rosalie's pregnancy. I had been thrilled to death for my brother and sister-in-law. I thought back to the cold February morning when my nephew was born.

Our family was crowded in Rosalie's hospital room just a couple of hours after she had given birth. My nephew was just perfect, all nine pounds eight ounces of him. I had no clue how Rose had delivered him. I sat in a chair, and Emmett placed the baby in my arms.

"Meet your nephew Hale Edward Cullen," Emmett had said.

I looked at my brother in confusion. "His middle name is Edward? You gave him my name?" I was stunned.

Rosalie smiled from her hospital bed. "We want him to grow up to be a strong individual, and his uncle Edward is the best example we know of."

"Edward? Where did you go?" Bella's voice broke me out of my reverie.

"I was just thinking about the day Hale was born," I replied. "I still can't believe he was named for me."

"I think Rose was hoping he'd turn out to be more like you than his daddy," Bella laughed. "Can you imagine raising a mini Emmett?"

Emmett had turned out to be an amazing father. Even Rose was surprised at how much he pitched in and took care of the baby. Of course Hale had a football and a baseball already, and his daddy and Aunt Bitt couldn't wait to teach him to play.

Teaching Hale to play sports would have to wait, though, until Elizabeth had free time. She was always on the go now. I looked at the picture of my sister and couldn't believe how much she had grown up in the last year. She had turned sixteen in the spring, and my parents surprised her with a car at the end of the school year as a reward for making straight As. The car wasn't new or fancy, but it meant everything to her. She was still busy with cheerleading and was now starting shortstop on the varsity softball team. She and her boyfriend Colby had broken up, but they still remained friends. Every now and then she'd go on a date with a new guy, but it never lasted. She was having way too much fun being a teenager.

"Look at this one," Bella said, pointing to a photo of her and me dancing at our wedding reception. "I still don't know how you pulled it off."

I didn't know either. Even though I worked it as hard as I could in physical therapy, I never regained full sensation in my left leg. I still had some numbness and tingling along with weakness. I did recover enough, though, to start walking with a cane just before Christmas. It had been a wonderful feeling to get rid of the walker. Having a cane made me feel a little more independent. I could walk short distances without it, but I tended to drag my leg when I did. I continued to work my leg at the gym, and I still hoped that one day I'd be able to walk unassisted. Hearing Emmett call me "Dr. House" got really old after a while.

I did have a couple of setbacks along the way, but I managed to work through them. Dr. Snow worked with me to get my seizures under control, experimenting with different medications until we finally found a combination that worked. I continued to go to my weekly counseling sessions with James, and they helped tremendously. Thanks to both of them, my life was so much easier.

What no one could prepare me for, though, was the stress of returning to work. I was finally cleared to go back to work in April, but I was scared shitless. I didn't feel like I could handle the stress of working in the ER. I was also afraid that my disability could get in the way of a patient's care. After many long talks with Bella, Carlisle, and my advisors, I decided to begin a new residency. I was now a resident in pediatrics, and I absolutely loved it. The children were amazing, and I felt such a sense of pride when I helped a little one through an illness. They didn't seem bothered at all by my disability. Infact, if a patient asked about my cane, I just explained that it was a magic stick that helped me walk.

I had trouble making it through an eight hour shift, though. I still didn't have the energy level I had before the stroke. The hospital generously offered to let me work five hour shifts for the time being. I felt awful about it, but my advisors didn't have a problem with it. I'm sure having Carlisle Cullen as my father helped.

Bella turned a page in the album, and there was a photo of Alice and Jasper on the dance floor. Alice was doing one of her crazy dance moves, and Jasper was just chuckling. Both Bella and I laughed out loud. Things couldn't have been better for our dear friends. Jasper had recently been promoted to junior partner in his law firm. He was taking on more high profile cases and winning them all. Alice had started designing her own clothing line and selling it at Twilight. She was so successful that she had been talking to some major retailers about taking it nationwide. I was thrilled that both of them were doing so well.

On the facing page was a photo of Bella and me with Aro in his doggie tux. Aro had not only become a faithful companion, but he was also my lifesaver. Having him alert me to seizures was amazing because I could prepare myself as much as possible for what was to come. Thankfully he hadn't had to alert me in a while. Aro also kept me quite active. We still walked twice a day in addition to playing in the yard and the house. I had never thought about having a dog until Emmett and Rose gave him to me, and now I couldn't imagine him not being a part of our family.

We continued flipping through the album and stopped on a photo of my parents. I didn't know what I would have done without them over the last year and a half. Carlisle was always there for me with medical and fatherly advice. He helped me tremendously when I returned to work. Esme and I had become even closer than we were before the stroke. I still couldn't drive, so she became my chauffeur when Bella was at school or busy. She got me through several panic attacks when we were out and about. They were wonderful grandparents to baby Hale and spoiled him rotten like the rest of us did. My mother had been hinting to Bella and me about giving her more grandbabies, but I still didn't feel physically ready to be a father. With or without babies, my parents loved us very much and had been an incredible source of strength and support to Bella and me.

Feeling the effects of the late hour, I couldn't supress my yawn. Bella smiled and reached over to play with my hair, which had finally grown out the way I liked it. "We'd better get some sleep," she said. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Long but amazing," I replied. "I can't wait until we get there."

Bella put the wedding album back in its usual spot on the bookshelf, and we headed to bed. Aro followed and climbed into bed with us instead of his doggie bed. Bella shook her head, but I knew she really didn't mind. We turned out the lights and snuggled close to each other.

"Happy anniversary, my beautiful Bella," I told her. "Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world. I love you."

Bella kissed me sweetly on the lips. "And you've made me the happiest woman in the world. I love you more than anything."

As my wife and I drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, I thought about how lucky I was. I was a survivor. I made it thanks to the love of my family and friends and the beautiful woman sleeping next to me. Bella was truly my reason for living. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow, but I knew I could face anything as long as the woman I loved was by my side.

**And we're done! I hope you liked Edward and Bella's happy ending! I can't believe I've spent almost two years on this journey and that it's all over. I couldn't have done this without the help of several people.**

**My dear beta Bittenev. You are an amazing writer and an amazing friend. Thank you not only for making my words look good but also for being one of the best friends I could ever ask for. I never would have finished this without your help. You make me smile all the time! I can't wait until we finally get to hang out and wreak havoc together! I love you!**

**The other two-thirds of my world domination team, WhoDat9 and Eclipsegirl. What would I do without y'all? You're more than friends; you're my sisters. You make me laugh, you give me a shoulder to cry on, and you kick my butt when I need it. Words can't express what your friendship means to me. I love you both!**

**The Brainward posse: Katydid, Jennmc, sweetishbubble, Capricorn75, Ambushed, Maganbagan, and so many others. I hope you can forgive me for missing some names here! You're the reason I wrote this story. The love and support you've given me has been overwhelming. Thank you so much for everything. You're the greatest!**

**Unfortunately, unless something drastic happens, this will be my one and only full length story. I've decided to retire from writing. Writing WHT has been an amazing experience, and I've met some wonderful people in the fandom. That being said, I think it's time to move on to other things. I'll still be a beta for a couple of authors, but I'm giving up writing. Who knows, maybe something will change and I'll return. As for now, though, I don't have plans to post any new stories. **

**Thanks again for reading. This has been a wonderful experience!**


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